Climbing Boys

Do you have a yard with things to climb? My son at those ages was not destructive but had a need to climb. He would have to be outside whenever the need to climb presented. I have one those plastic playhouses that he climb on the outside and jump off. And swing set that has three ways to get up and slide down give them places to climb. As to take apart things. LEGOS yes the little ones even for the 2yr old. I also made my own little portable workbenk that he could hammer nail into a real put real toggle bolts. Also a toy lock box that has 8 kinds of locks with compartments that I some would hide a new match in or a little treat if he could get the locks open. Good Luck!
J.

Victoria:

Being monkeys is one thing - all the rest is just unacceptable behavior!

There is no reason for your husband to tie a Christmas tree to the wall!! This is dangerous in itself - heat from the lights...

You need to nip this behavior in the bud RIGHT NOW! This is a game and power trip to them. You may tell them "X" will happen if you do that - but you don't follow through - therefore your boys rule the roost.

If they do something destructive - they get a time out, toy taken away- punishment that will mean something to them. NO EXCUSES. NONE. ZIP. ZILTCH NADA! If you fail to follow through on what their punishment will be - it will only get worse.

Damaging household items is UNACCEPTABLE. If they can't treat the furniture with respect - they don't get to sit on it. My boys are 8 and 10 - they broke a dining room chair - they sat on the floor to eat for a week.

The rule in our home? If it's not yours - DO NOT TOUCH IT. If they want to break their toys - fine - break away - you won't be getting new ones. You will have to play with broken toys. Don't like it? STOP BREAKING THEM!

You don't need to yell. You don't need to scream. You just need to follow through. If you do not follow through - you are teaching them that they DO NOT HAVE TO BEHAVE. You are not stating your expectations. Even at 2 and 4 they KNOW what they can get away with. It's just a child asking for something once, you say no - they come back again and you say NO again. but the third time you say FINE! Well, they have just learned that no doesn't necessarily mean no in your home. You have trained them this way. Now you have to RETRAIN them. CONSEQUENCES FOR ACTIONS - good or bad. They know this. Now you need to teach it AGAIN.

Will it be easy? No. But you DO NOT have to yell and scream. You just HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT!! NO MEANS NO. PERIOD. I don't care if you ask me 10 times - the answer will NOT change. NO.

Your husband MUST be on board - same rules for both of you - if it's not yours - don't touch it. no climbing. no means no. don't ask your dad if you've already asked mommy. if child comes to you and asks for something and hubby is home - ENSURE you are on the same page and they your child didn't just ask daddy something and daddy said NO. Kids are AWESOME at manipulating parents.

Stop being worried about political correctness or damaging your childs ego, etc. and TAKE CONTROL - YOU ARE THE PARENT. SET RULES, LIMITS BOUNDARIES AND ADHERE TO THEM!

My son was a little like this...not so much destructive, but definitely a climber. The only solution I came up with was to get him out of the house almost daily...walks, parks, indoor play areas, bounce house places. Whatever I could find to let him climb and be rough. We also had consequences for climbing behaviors at home...mostly time outs. And when he went through that phase, I just had to watch him like a hawk and not give him opportunities to climb. We are going through this a bit with my 2 year old as well. GL!

It is tiring, but I also had to have stuff for him to do, pretty constantly. His routine was rather structured, just to save my sanity. Puzzles, play doh, art projects, help me cook or do laundry. PVC pipe was a life saver...he would take the scraps and build car ramps in our garage. Boxes when I can get them are great. And since they like "fixing" things, we do what we call take-apart. I buy something super cheap at Goodwill or a garage sale and let him take it apart. Nothing with tubes like tvs or monitors. Mostly radios or toasters. I leave them unplugged for week to make sure there is no charge in any of the transistors and I cut off the cord so he's not tempted to plug it in. This activity has to be closely monitored, but it will keep my son busy for a long time. He uses real tools and takes apart the item to check out the inside.

He's five now and although, he still loves to climb, he knows it's an outdoor activity and its no longer an issue.

only you can end this process. You & your husband have to decide on a method of discipline AND STICK TO IT. Some parents use timeout, some use redirection, some use positive rewards, some use spanking.....only you can decide what is best for you & your family.

& I think the most important factor is that these boys are achieving all of this destructive behavior because of lack of supervision. They could not do any of this if you were right there with them....being proactive in directing them & providing appropriate means to channel their energy. I realize this will sound like harsh judgement to you....but it is the truth: would these boys do any of this stuff if you were right there with them? I don't think so.....& that's where you need to begin the process of making positive changes in your sons' upbringing.

I highly recommend that you & your husband watch the video, "1-2-3 Magic". It will teach a viable, doable method of implementing & maintaining control in your home. I have used it for 10 years & am totally hooked on it. I love how stress-free discipline is.....& consistency combined with clear expectations is the key.

If you do not have any interest in watching the video, then here are my next thoughts:
1. have a family conference w/ the boys. Sit them down, tell them what will happen if they do not listen to you. Walk them thru the house, room by room, & explain what is theirs & what is yours.....& what is off-limits. It would also be totally appropriate to have the boys help you make a poster for each room.....depicting what is off-limits & what is theirs to play with. You would be amazed at how much involving them will aid in setting limits. Kids love to be part of the decision-making process!
2. set up a designated toy area. Be with them when they play & direct their energies into focused, constructive play. After a while, you will be able to just redirect rather than leading the playtime.
3. be sure to have appropriate equipmt for the boys to channel their energy. With that age group, I use a tent & a smaller slide for winter inside play. Appliance boxes are also great for releasing energy!
4. set up a "loose" daily schedule & stick to it. If the boys are home with you all day, then you need to basically devise a preschool schedule for them. Make sure that you are allowing time for educational instruction....& seriously even your 2y.o. will benefit from this. If you take the time to do this, then the boys will not have the time to be destructive & they'll be better prepped for KG.
5. if the boys are in daycare, then speak with the instructors & see how they behave there.....& how the schedule is set. Replicating this at home may be helpful.

I have lots more ideas.....but it all boils down to setting guidelines & implementing almost-constant parental supervision. That is your job, that is your responsibility.......it is the only way your sons will learn appropriate behavior! I wish you Peace......

I also have 4yr old and 2 yr old monkeys! Both boys who are born with an extra-destructive gene! We moved into our brand new dreamhome 4 months before our 2nd was born, and now I feel like by the time they're 18, this place will be held together by duct tape! Their father isn't much better ;-)

Seriously though -I know you're frustrated! Mine are destructive and into stuff, but not quite like that. May I ask what you're threatening and do you follow through? I find one of mine on the counter now and then, but we don't have problems with the tree or true, wholesale destruction at this point. We did go through a knife and scissor nightmare with the 4 year old earlier this year, but finally got that under control with consistent punishments -he eventually lost every toy and book in his room and had to earn them back and I FINALLY managed to locate all the scissors and get them put away where he couldn't find them. Believe me -I thought I had done that about 3 times and he kept finding a pair! The knives were a nightmare too because we couldn't find a childproof ANYTHING that he can't figure out (and since they're knives are also terribly dangerous -it was awful)! The kid could break into Fort Knox! So, I do know your frustration!

We've had to just be very very VERY strict and consistent with him about everything -especially this destructive stuff. We take away toys -and some we've taken away forever. That only happened twice and then he realized we meant business. It obviously worked, because that was months ago and he still mentions it and says he knows he better not do _______ because he doesn't want to lose any more toys! Most of the time taking something away for a week or no cartoons for a week does it. He LOVES sweets, which we limit a lot, but taking away sweet treats for a week really makes him fall in line -even if it means only denying one ice cream cone -just the possibility that he wouldn't have the chance for a sweet all week does it. You may have done all of this, but it sounds like you've just threatened. Now you have to get tough!

I explain things, too, but we have to realize that explanations about keeping things "nice," how much things cost,etc. really don't mean much to 4 and 2 year olds! They also tune out the fussing and compared with the temptation of chopping a sofa to pieces -timeouts really don't matter much. You basically have to "get them where it hurts." It sounds mean -but you need to know your kid's weak spots are -what will really get them. For instance -when the 4 year old was 2 and had biting issues, I told him if he bit anyone again, his beloved lovey Froggy was gone. Just that threat was enough!

I also make sure they get A LOT of outside activity and exercise! Small children and especially very busy boys need to often be "run" like you would a high energy dog. Take them to bouncy places -if you have a yard -get them out there! Whatever -wherever -physical activity always makes our house more peaceful.

Can you set up a play room or basement area where they can climb and jump to their hearts content? and Make them play there! Anywhere else in the house they must be supervised (this will not last forever! Make sure they play outside everyday even 15 minutes at a time on a freezing day! Sign them up for a gymnastic class! Then read some discipline books like 1,2,3 Magic or other books recommended here on Mamapedia. There are books about raising the high spirited child ( ia havent read but maybe some here can recomend) Yes they sound hard to discipline but that means you have to work harder to discipline. Lots of supervision and CONSISTENT time outs. Make sure you are doing time out correctly. for example Kitchen counter equal time out NO warning no explanations no discussion. when the timer rings after 2 or 4 minutes Ask why were you in time out then let them go back to play without added scolding. some behaviors get a warning but not unsafe behavior or destructive behavior like hitting or climbing on dressers or breaking something. Good luck you will have to work hard but you CAN teach these highly energetic boys to behave and to use their energy appropriatly

The rules are, "No climbing in the house." "Climbing is for outside."
"No running in the house, we walk in the house." "Running is for outside." and when you get them outside.. make them run like the wind for as long as possible.. have them run backwards, side ways.. Have them hip, higher, higher. Teach them to skip. They need to release all of that good energy.

"We look at the Christmas tree with our eyes." "We do not touch the tree or ornaments on the tree". They may ask to touch an ornament, but mom or dad will hold it while they use a "soft and gentle touch."

When these rules are broken, time out is used, EVERYTIME.

I used to decorate the tree with the kids ornaments on the bottom portion, our daughter and her friends knew they could move them around any way that they would want.

Yes, it takes a lot of energy on your part to keep repeating all of this and setting their boundary, but they need and want these rules. They want to know what is expected of them

Sounds like Santa needs to bring them some climbing toys for outside.
Maybe a bunch of pillows or cushions that can be used to climb indoors. Ikea, carries all sorts of things that may work. for indoors

Hi Victoria :-0

I only had one child and it was a girl... but I do have 6 brothers.. LOL!

It seems your children are giving you a message: THEY LOVE TO CLIMB.. LOL! So... do they have a jungle gym type set up in the back yard? Do you have a rock climbing type play area you can take them? They have a huge amount of energy that needs to be dispersed and it seems they have chosen this manner to release it... I might find any and all ways to help them... perhaps in the morning a nice exercise routine, followed by a nice jog.. followed by a morning at the park and the climbing area.

I have ten brothers and sisters and EVERY morning my dad woke us up at 5:30 am and we did exercises before the day began! It was very "military" in nature but you know... it gave us a sense of discipline for preparing our bodies for the day.

Beyond the energy aspect.. it seems there is need to "set boundaries" around your home since you mention the boys do not do this climbing/destructive behavior when they are out in public. It is wonderful that they feel so comfortable and free to express themselves at home, but boundaries need to be set.

Always remember to separate the "behavior" from the one doing the "behavior".. so you are not happy with what they are doing, instead of not happy with them... and perhaps you might consider not calling them monkeys in a joking manner.. even thinking it as energy crosses the conscious realm and they can read your body language... and begin to envision them outside, climbing and exploring while in the home, more contained, exploring with their minds. This image will be projected at the energy level, and use this projection while you are teaching them what the boundaries are for behavior in the home.

Children are amazing and can read us.. fast! So be sure your thoughts match your body language and enjoy your two joyful boys :-)
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

*added...start collecting empty tissue and shoe boxes (or other small cardboard boxes, tp an paper towel rolls, and plastic bottles so that they have building tools. They can build high towers and k oak them down. Many boys are craving these types of experiences.

Can you get them to sit down and focus on quiet activities? Puzzles, coloring, building blocks (which they will probably build and then crash into), Mega Blocks, art projects, etc? My boys are also energetic and tend towards destruction and climbing, so I find myself having to stay a few steps ahead of them in providing structured activities, or left to their own devices, there will be chaos.

How about taking them to one of those climbing places or indoor playgrounds? They need to get their energy out. When the snow comes, let them play in, build snowmen, and then have fun obliterating them.

Sounds like they need some constructive toys and activities that hold their attention!
Do they like Mega Blocks? Lincoln Logs? Puzzles? Coloring? Play doh? For stuff like art activities & play doh set up an area with a plastic covered table (like in the basement, garage where they can "have at it"!
Do they have too much stuff out & available at all times b/c that can be really overwhelming and distracting to kids that age.
You really need to engage them in something, then walk away--checking back every 5 or 10 minutes at first....

Sounds like you need to step up to the plate and set the boundaries firmly. Boys are active, but climbing on counters and nailing the Christmas tree to the wall..... sheesh.
Who's in charge? I think your kids need to realize that YOU are.

Yep, my boys are the same age.

Right now, the only furniture in their room are two mattresses, straight on the floor, no boxspring, no bedstand, no dresser, no bookcase, in our living room, we have very very basic furniture as well... all b/c of how destructive they are I had to remove everything out of their safety.

We do time-outs, constantly telling them to get down off the kitchen counter, even put a padlock on the pantry and lock on the fridge. Another thing we do, is put a chair in the middle of the room facing us and make them sit in the chair, it's much better this way than against the wall. and helps them focus and stay still for a few moments. I think kids like this need to learn how to remain calm.

They have gotten better these past few months, b/c I enrolled my oldest in preschool, so he's getting better socialization and my other child is getting one on one time with me. I've done better at giving them energy burning activities, like taking them to the park, or chic-fil-a to run around on the playground. We go to the library more often and do more activities and games and crafts at home.

Being very structured and very consistent helps. It's tiring, difficult, but also rewarding to finally see your kids behaving and thriving.

Also, Dr. Sears has some wonderful advice on discipline and keeping your child entertained:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

Sue H. and lots of others gave you great suggestions. I would come down hard on them - lay down the rules with them and the first time they break the rule give them the consequences. I'd take them to do something very tiring every day (swimming? gymnastics? whatever you can think of). For my son who is very active we have a small trampoline in the house that he uses almost every day. I'll set up obstacle courses for him involving his tunnel and tent. We will play "the floor is quicksand" and I'll set up pillows and the ottoman and whatever and he has to get from point a to point b. We have these weird rafters in our livingroom and my husband will hang a climbing rope from one for a while and our son will swing and try to climb it. Anything to get out that energy!!! At the age of your boys I had to supervise him all the time. Good luck.

1. make some time to take them to a park every day where they can climb and jump all over and run around crazy. Take a book with you or something because these boys have man energy. Its common in many boys. Some boys/Men just can't sit still and need to be kept busy. Keep them there for a good hour. 2. Limit the sugar intake and this includes fruit juices that are really sugar and corn syrup. Go for natural drinks.. 3. If possible I hope you have an area outside they can play in? Do alot of picnics and bbq's if possible. If they spend their energy outside running around when inside you will find it easier to discipline and set boundaries on furniture etc. Most definitely must keep up with it. The problem is if they have man energy and are full of it you will be shouting at the wall and they will be frustrated in time out all the time. Have you ever had to much sugar and cant sit still manage having that all day long?. Finally get the 4 year old in a sport like soccer where he can run run run.

I am sorry you are so obviously embarassed by their behavior that you chose to delete your post instead of listen to what you know is probably true - your children are out of control. It is one thing to love a child, but another to allow your love to cloud good parenting. Cute can become dangerous really quick.
Instead of changing the post and hiding what is unacceptable behavior by stating your children are good...take a good long look at why your kids think this behavior is o.k,. and stop the behavior now.
If they can't respect things, then take them away. Since your posts has been changed and deleted, I can only surmise they have destroyed your Christmas tree (so get rid of it...right now) and furniture. Active is one thing...destructive is another...Sweet and loving I am sure...but they need parents not buddies.

Holy Moses.
I would do more than fuss, threaten and explain.
They are tearing your furniture apart and pulling the stuffing out?
No offense, but in my opinion, your 4 year old is WAY old enough to know better.
As for the Christmas tree? There are things that ALL kids can learn not to touch and one of them is the Christmas tree. It's for pretty. It's for decoration. It's not a toy. If it was my kids, I would have told them if they dared touch the tree again, even once....the tree would be taken out of the house and they wouldn't have a tree anymore.
I raised two kids by myself and believe me, they knew when I was dead serious. I wasn't afraid for them to know I was really mad. If they pulled the stuffing out of my furniture.....oh boy.
You just need to get a consistant grip and start with the 4 year old. He is likely encouraging the little one to go along with the naughtiness. And, he's only 4, but if his little brother starts doing something dangerous while your back is turned, he is old enough to know to get you or call for you.
If they like being rough, get them some things they can be rough with. Knocking blocks over or something. Give them sturdy wooden puzzles they can put together and take apart.
You need to do something now because before you know it, you'll have a 6 and 4 year old tearing the house up and it's not necessary or appropriate.
They like to climb, take them to a place where they can do that. They have indoor playgrounds.
Keep a very vigilent eye so that they don't even have a chance to start climbing or tearing something up and the second you catch them even putting a foot near the counter to climb....it's a time out. It's the only way you'll stop it. I wouldn't put them in their rooms because you never know what they might do in there. The corner might be your best bet. Yes...even a 2 year old can sit facing a corner for a few minutes.

Best wishes.

Get them into a sport!!! They will probably excel at them!