Cleaning Room

Hello K., I have a 3 son who is really into pirates and boats. He and I decorated some plastic tubs with paper boats/stickers anything related to what was suppose to be put into that tub. It worked for me. Plus now he knows where to look for his favorite toys.

LOL, sorry not laughing at you, just the reminder of what I've been through! I have 2 girls, ages 11 and 8 and a son 3 (and a half!), maybe a playdate sometime? I went through this with my girls, the best thing that worked, and really the only thing that seemed to make a difference at first, was to give them a certain amount of time to clean up, if they didn't do it by that time, and you have to be serious, walk in with a box and start putting everything that's out of place into the box. Tell him you are giving it to kids that will put it where it belongs when they are finished playing. I did this and actually put the box in the attic, the girls were heartbroken and started putting things away after I reminded them what would happen. Then each week I would bring down one thing at a time form the box when they would keep things clean, they thought it was a new toy, never knew about my box that was hiding! Also, it helped to de-clutter their rooms. Hope this helps!

K.,
We had the same issues with our son. We did a couple of things. First, we put his toys in individual bins (legos, cars, army, rescue hereos, etc) and then allowed him to have one bin out at a time. When he picked up the contents of his bin, he could have another one. Then, when his room got real messy we would give him a time frame as to when all his things needed to be picked up (ex: room needs to be cleaned by bedtime on Friday) and when his time was up we would come into his room with a box and put everything that was still out into it and store it in the shed. He had a chance to earn these things back by keeping his room clean and picking up after himself as he played. We found that sometimes he would forget about the things in the box and wouldn't want them anymore, which allowed us to donate them to someone else.
Good luck with your son.

K.

K. --

It sounds like lots of things that you are doing are really good ideas and I would continue all of those things. Two things come to my mind, that I could suggest. One, when kids are this age, working ALONG side them to clean his room is really helpful. That does NOT mean clean it for him. That means ALONG side :). I think they are easily overwhelmed and they need it "broken down" for them a bit. For example ... "let's work on the toys that go in THIS bin first ..." If you try this for a few months or so, he'll be able to accomplish it on his own. The next thing that came in my mind is, unless he is one VERY tidy boy, once a week might be too much time in between the cleaning and that's why it's a bit overwhelming ? You are really doing the right thing with the praise and all of those things -- and rewards are always a good thing. He WILL get it -- I would also encourage him, when he is working along side you that "when he is bigger and in school, he'll know how to pick up and can show the other kids ..." :). Please keep in mind he won't do it perfect ... just wait until he's a teenager ... ! :)

Hey K. S,
I feel ya, I have 4 y/o& a 9 y/o girl who are the same way.
I just started reading the amazing book "Parenting with Love & Logic" if you have the chance you should try to pick up a copy.

I have tried some of the suggestions and they actually work...
re-wording instead of tell or even asking give him choices

"would you like to clean up your room before snack or after?"

that way it puts him in charge , it give him choices...if he says he doesn't want to clean his room at all you say .....

"well then after you clean your room you are invited to join me for snack."

the book is really great & has help my family in just the 3 days since I have started it.

A little about me:
I am a 37 y/o , married to military,SAHM of 4 y/o & 9 y/o girls

The only thing that works for me to get my two kids to clean up is to tell them they can't get something else they want out or can't have something else they want (treat, tv time, etc.) until they do their clean up.
Good luck!

I find that the only way the boys will clean their room is if I am there with them helping out. They like it when they each have a basket/bucket and they run around the apartment putting their stuff in them and then bringing it back to their room and i help them put them away.

I also did the 'throw away' the toys thing. I aloud them to pick out 5 toys each and as long as they took care of them they could get another 5 toys the next day. Allot of those toys ended up being donated because they forgot about them.

threaten to take toys away when he doesn't clean. That makes my 3 and 4 year olds hop to it because I have taken toys away when they don't listen (they have a chance to earn them back later)

Good Luck!
Beka

You know what you do take all his toys and set a few out. Like five to ten toys. Make him earn them back. I mean if he really wants all his toys back he should maybe he should have less. If he wants more he will have to show you that he can
put the few he has away. Be patient. Add a new toy every week on a Friday or a Saturday. If he doesn't put them away at the end of each play take a toy away. Be the same every time. It should start working.

My 3 1/2 year old daughter can be very stubborn when it comes to cleaning her room, and we've finally found something that works most of the time. We tell her that if she doesn't clean up her room, whatever is on the floor will get thrown away. She screams and throws a fit, but after we gathered many of her toys up one time and took them away (they are still in a bag in hiding), she realized that we weren't kidding. Now she still sometimes throws a fit, but in the end, she'll pick up. She's especially receptive if I offer to help - I don't even have to pick up much, she just likes knowing that she doesn't have to go it alone. The funny thing about taking the toys away is that we realized she has way too many that she doesn't even play with, because she hasn't missed anything in the bag! It may seem cruel, but if you only have to follow through one time, it's worth it, and your son will begin to learn that in order to enjoy his toys, he has to take care of them (something we all have to learn someday :) Hope this helps - I know it is so hard to listen to the screaming, and so much easier to do it yourself. But don't give up, you are teaching your son important lessons and you will be glad for it later!

C.

Hi my name is C.. I have a daughter that's 8 & two sons that are 5 and 8 months old. We were having the same problem with our 5 yr. old. He wasn't picking up his toys so we decided that any toys that he didn't pick up when he was asked, we would take & put them in a basket until Sunday. Then he could get his toys back. But, if he continually refused, when it was time to get his toys back on Sunday, instead of getting all of his toys back he would only get one. Then each day if he cleaned up his stuff he could earn back another toy. Hopefully this works. Good Luck!!! Let me know, hope to hear from you soon, C.

K., I tell my almost 4 yr old son, that I will get a garbage bag and pick them up but they'll be going in the garbage when I'm done. I learned that from my sister in law, and thought it was harsh at first...but I HATE the toy clutter, so it would be better for me if he had less toys.
It may only take once of you getting a garbage bag and telling him if he doesn't put them away, then they'll be going in the garbage!
Best of luck, (BTW-my 3 yr old is my 4th child so it took me that long to learn this!)

It's nice to meet you!! I am a mother of 4 boys (and 33 yrs old) that share one room we would be so excited to have a play group sometime. Cleaning rooms, Do you know the clean up song? I know it sounds like the stupidest thing ever, but it works!! I just recently took a bunch of toys out of our boys room. I pack them up in bins and it also eliminates a ton of mess. If he doesn't clean up mommy will and tell the toys good-bye until you can at least help clean. Believe me with 4 boys and a husband boys, I know, boys in general don't clean up well. My boys are 6,4,3 and 1. You just gotta put your foot down, no dinner, no snacks, no t.v. Instead of saying it this way say would you like a snack? We'll let's pick up and you'll get --------. Mommy will help. Hope this helps. J. Oh, Last but not least boys need direction, you can't just say clean up your room. Tell him put all your cars here and wait for him to do it, then pick up all the books. They can be very narrow minded, like men one thing at a time.

K.-

Your best bet on getting your son to clean his room is to make it a daily chore, not weekly. Make it a habit, say, to tell him "you need to get this cleaned up before bed...". And then break the chore down into its component parts. The toys go here... the blankets and pillows go on the bed, laundry goes in the basket... etc. Cleaning the bedroom is a big chore for anyone, let alone a four-year-old. Sometimes I have to do that for myself, too.

Good Luck!
B.

It looks like you've got lots of ideas, but here's one more. Instead of making it only a once a week chore, make it an everyday chore. Each night before he goes to bed (or whenever works for you) tell him you love him very much and it's time to pick up his toys. When he won't do it, instead of telling him second time, offering a bribe (or threat), or whatever else you might think of saying to him, simply tell him he can feel free to keep the toys he picks up. Say nothing else to him, just give him time to do it and say nothing else about the toys. Later, after he has had ample time to do it, pick them up yourself and high up in your closet or somewhere he cannot get them. When he throws a fit (has a melt down, whatever) tell him genuinely that you are so sad that his toys have to go away and that he will have to find a way to pay for them to get them back (for instance doing other chores around the house or helping you...get creative). I bet when he realizes he isn't going to get to keep his toys if he doesn't put them away, he'll think twice about doing it. Just remember not to use sarcasm at all or this won't work. My 3 year old son puts his toys away the first time I ask him to and his room is clean every day! Good luck to you.

Hi K.,
I agree with Tammy. My son, at 6, still needs some direction to get it done. I will say things like, "What do you see on the floor?...Where should it go?....Pick up ___ next....."etc. Sometimes I think he just wants some company too. BUT sometimes he will initiate on his own and he really likes to vaccuum so that becomes a reward when the floor is picked up. I guess my suggestion is to help direct him and be patient. Does he like to vaccuum too?

I use top have the same issues with my boys. I would ask them to clean up there room and they would either cry or play but never clean. So one day I said enough is a enough if you don't want to take care of your room and toys then you will loose them. So I told them they had one hour to get there room clean and then I was coming up there with a trash bag and we will clean up your room that way. I don't thin they really believed me till I cam up with the bag and I bagged up the toys and took them out by the trash. They cried and cried and I told them that they needed to take care of there stuff. The promised they would keep there room clean just give us one more chance so I let them get there stuff back and they put it all away. they have kept there room clean since then. every once in awhile they slip and I remind them of what will happen come bed time to any toys still on the floor. This worked for my boys. Good luck with what every you try.