My son,8 came home today sad because (a friend) of his told him that his mom would not let him play with him( anymore) because last year my son was (a bully).
They play at school together, but no more after school play dates.I believe in second chances.I told my son that the mother was making the wrong choice.
One note, I am not mormon, and I am a non drinker and very spiritual person and hope religion is not dividing my son from classmates(he happens to be the only non mormon) I live in a 97% mormon community which I love and hope all tolerate my openness crazieness :)
Any help would be greeeat!
I did do the treats and the apology with my son last year.
I wonder if the exclusion is all about the turning of 8 and baptism?
Today, I phoned the school counselor because my sons peers are having religious wars at recess.That's the last thing I thought of doing when I was a kid. We need the school admin involved now to teach kids about being "different." Thank God for schools :)
I'd talk to the mom of the other kid, maybe give a peace offering like some cookies. A little kindness goes a long way. I bet she would come around or at least tell you what the real problem is. I find it hard to believe someone wouldn't let their kid play with a friend because of something they did a year ago.
Good Luck
Dear N., I would write a little note to the mom and your sons friend telling them that your child is sorry he was a bully last year, but is trying really hard to be a nice friend and would they please give him a second chance...then both of you sign it and bring it over to them. We had something similar happen in our neighborhood between my daughter and a neighbors daughter and she had her daughter bring over a cute little note that she had written with her apology and they have been good friends ever since! Worked like a charm with me (her mom) as well because it let me know that the childs mother acknowledged some wrong doing and was willing to work together with her child to make it right! Hope this helps! Kim
I would love to try and help your situation all I can... My husband and I have our own business and we do it as a ministry! also our main focus is to help people and families grow personally, spiritually, and financially and become the people that God intends them to be... 3/4 of my family or mormon and we have many mormon people around us as well which has been very difficult, but with Gods guidance and support we have been able to rise above.. I take it you live in Nampa as well? I would love to talk with you and get to know you better... My e-mail address is ____@____.com and my name is S.... I look forward to talking with you... Remember to live this day on purpose and May God Bless you today and always.. Have a wonderful day
I agree with the poater before me, take a small token over and just ask what the issue is. I love in a majority morman town also and have found no real issue with our families mostly non belief. There are of course people who think otherwise, and then I would ask myself if those are really the people you want your child to be around?
It sounds like you are quite concerned about your boy. I can relate with you. I have a very aggressive, and at times, overbearing daughter(and she is only 3). I agree with the other mom's here I think you just need to talk to the mom and perhaps go to the park together to allow the boys to play in the distance while you get to know his mom. I know that my daughter plays differently with her friends if she thinks I am watching so I like to see what she does when she thinks I am not watching. It is amazing how different children are when they are together. I also know when I teach that little boys like to feed off of eachother and can get very rowdy at times. I guess What I am saying is talk to her and hopefully things can be worked out. I am a Mormon and grew up with my mom telling me that I shouldn't play with people who didn't share our beliefs, but I found 2 great friends when I was in 2nd grade and they are still my best friends today despite the religion difference. I always thought it was neat to be able to share our different beliefs with eachother and over time my friends felt like part of the family, (my mom loves them and still asks how they are doing). I know that we didn't do a lot of play dates simply because my mom was to busy to be a taxi all night (I am #6 of 8 kids). If my friends came and got me and brought me home when we were done then my Mom was grateful and she always said yes. I hope that things work out for you and your son. I think communication is key! Good Luck!
Who knows, if your son has displayed aggressive behavior in the past, then the Mother certainly is just playing it safe. Otherwise, I know after growing up in a totally Mormon community (and being Irish Catholic myself) that they (LDS) really don't feel comfortable with different religions, cultures, etc. For them, it's all about safety and familiarity. I understand how you feel, we get left out of a lot and a lot of turned down invitations due to our lack of LDS-ness. Good luck!
JEssica
1-talk to the friend's mom
tell her that your boy is sad because her son said they couldn't play together after school anymore. Verify. Sometimes stuff gets mixed up in translation. ask straight out if it's because you're not LDS--they need to know how it looks.
2-dealing with bullies is an important skill.
I teach my kids that bullies aren't bad people, they just haven't learned how to be good friends yet. Bullies are "outside friends" at my house. They can come play, but not inside my house. We've decided that our home should always be a safe haven for our kids, so bullies are invited to play outside or at the park when they come over. Maybe that's all his mom meant.
ya just never know when a kid's gonna learn how to be a good friend. My daughter has several friends this year that were bullies last year.
I live in Provo and happen to be a "mormon" but it's sad if some people are going to not include you because of your "lack" of not being a part of the same belief. I have five kids and my oldest is going to turn 9 in April -- she was bullied a lot in 1st grade and didn't have many friends there. But this year, is a totally different story. She has a handful of friends that she calls on the phone every week, and some she has gone to their house to play. And we have yet to get friends over here because I've got such a busy place after school!! Good luck figuring something out -- What school does your son go to?
Dear Neessie,
put together a meeting with the teacher and the two boys. Of course make sure both parents (moms) are there. I think it would be more reasuring if the teacher discloses how much they have been getting along and being friends. Maybe then she will let her son have play dates with your son, knowing that they are friends.
I would take this opportunity to explain to your son that there are consequences for his actions and that if he isn't nice to other people, he wont be allowed to play over. He now will have to earn back the trust of the other boy and his mom before he is allowed to play over.
Your post makes it sound as though there was an ongoing problem if your son was bullying last year, rather than an isolated incident. So I'm not sure it's an issue of second chances.
I know there are kids in the neighborhood that I wont allow to come into my house without their mom present. It just isn't worth the mess and the heartbreak over broken toys. The only difference is that I don't tell my sons that certain kids cannot come in the house. If one of those kids show up, I suggest that they play outside or call the mom and make other arrangements for a later time. Then I invited mom and son over to visit or arrange to go to a park close by.
Maybe the mom will still allow them to play together if you invite both mom and son over to your house and your son shows that he can play nicely.
My community is about 50% Mormon and I have found them to be very open to having our kids play together. My son was invited to the baptism of all his friends when they turned 8. He is involved in Cub Scouts through a non-LDS unit and has invited some of his LDS friends to join us on other Cub Scout outings, and the parents have always allowed their kids to come along.
Hi if you realy feel that your sons friend is a good infuance, and your son is not a bully anymore, then call his mother and let her know your son is a nice boy and realy likes his friend
