T.W.
S.,
I can sympathize with you, sleep is so important but even more so for a mother. Sometimes, it's the only small break we get and if you're not getting that down time you feel raw, short tempered and can easily be overwhelemd and depressed. You asked for a plan and I'm going to tell you some of the things we did. My kids are 14, 8 and 5.
As soon as all three of my kids moved to a "big boy/girl bed" I put a gate on the door. I explained to them that it was not safe to be walking around the house at night alone so the gate was there to keep them safe. I told them that if they needed me, to call for me and I would be there but under no circumctace were they to get out of bed.
That worked like a charm. My daughter was a little more teary about it so I gave her one of my t-shirts that I had already worn and had my smell on it. She is now 5yrs and still sleeps with it and has since aquired one of my husband's as well. But, she sleeps through the night no problem and when I check on her, she often is cuddled with my t-shirt.
My son who is 8 had asked us to tape pictures of ourselves on the head of his bed. He likes to look at them if he's missing one of us. That too has worked. If either my husband or I are away from home, he still askes for one of our shirts too.
I think the one thing that I decided early on was that personally, I just couldn't sleep with that many people in my bed so right off the bat my rule was, this is the grown up bed. If you need me, I'll come to you but my bed is off limits to kids.
I completely agree with what the other moms have said, pick a plan and stick with it. Don't give in! You may have one or two weeks from hell but after that it will get so much easier. Kids can pick up on your frustration and will work into it like a grain of sand in an oyster. Hold strong mom, you can do this.
OK, one last thought. I know it's hard to not resent your hubby for not behaving the way you want him to in this situation. I know he must be a great guy because you married him. However, men are hardwired very differently than we are. After all, do you think he'd be on a parent blog asking for help? I don't think so, we just have different needs. Don't expect that he's going to see this from your point of view because he's just not wired that way. I'm sure he wants to support anything that he thinks would make you happy but his hormones don't rule like yours do. When you become a mom, there's a part of you that clicks on for the rest of your life. It's your mother's intuition and your lifeline to your kids. Dads don't get that internal click like we do and quite frankly, they are mystified by it.
I know you will get through this. After all. there's nothing like motherhood to teach you what you're really capable of. Best of luck.