Child Wont Use the Potty

I'm having the same problem but I came across this potty training in three days thing. http://www.3daypottytraining.com/ I've been told it is really good. Don't know cause they said the best age to start is about 20 months and mine is 18 but she has started to show signs that she is ready said the doctor. I just don't want to push it and screw her up you know. Good luck I hope I could help.
C.

She's not ready yet. One day soon it will make sense to her and become easy. We tried a few days each month and then WOW! one day he just understood. That was around 2.5 years for him but each child is different. I always gave him a treat whenever he sat down just to keep him interested.

she may just not be ready yet. just because one child trained at 2 doesn't mean that they all do. it could be her way of exerting some control. I would just tell her that it's up to her to be a big girl and that diapers are for babies and that when she is ready to be a big girl, the potty is there and she is welcome to use it.

My son is a "It has to be my idea" kind of kid. So we just left the potty and let him check it out for himself. Maybe it just has to be her idea. Good luck, this parenting stuff is hard!

Well you really wont get far comparing the 2 girls because all kids are different. I would say if she is telling you when she has to go then she is ready to potty train. I would start by letting her know the night before that she will be using the potty. I even told my youngest daughter a week in advance that she was about to start using the potty. Pick a day and that is it. When she wakes set her on the potty. If she goes then make a big deal. Tell her how proud you are. Have her set at least 10 mins or until she goes. Then every 20 mins set her again. Even if she does not go have her set. It is annoying but it works. I would not reward with anything but praise. Instead of yelling or spanking when she wets or messes her pants just let her know that you know she is a big girl and can do it. Tell her you hope she can be a big girl and go to school one day. That when she is potty trained she can do so much more. It may take 1 day or 1 week or 1 month. My youngest girl it took 1 day. My boy took over a month with regressions on the way. My oldest girl was so easy. I told her there were no more diapers and she just used the potty never having an accident. All kids are different. some are layed back and some are pistols. I have an array of kids and I only have 4. Good luck and dont lose your patients....that is what she is counting on!

Hello

I'm trying potty training now. Mine just turned 3. Yes were doing this late. My did the same thing. I finally just put her on it and didn't let her up until she went. This is our second week. She a won't tell me and she will tell me no if asked so I just say come on let's potty and put her on it. Last night we went out to eat and to the mall and no potty in her pull up. As far as treats she did the same thing she wanted one just for sitting there I just didn't give in and when she did it I made a big deal of singing and dancing. The potty song and dance as we call it. Gave her a treat. Now she knows she has to do it to get it. Good luck. Hope this atleast helps to know your not alone LOL. My husband has 20 on her that I'll break before she doe LOL. She sounds like your 2 year old. Good luck

Every child is different, and your two year old is obviously not like your six year old. It sounds like the whole potty training thing has become a power struggle, and I hate to tell you but there are two battles we never win with our kids - going potty and eating. You can't MAKE them do either!!! The best thing to do is just lay off for awhile and wait until she is ready. Don't sweat it, she won't be going to school in diapers. My two were just like yours (except I had two boys) The first did everything early and easily, the second did everything on his own time schedule and in his own way. He wasn't potty trained until he was over three! He is now 21 and is still independent and stubborn, but he is a GREAT young man and his independence kept him from ever giving in to peer pressure. Take heart, this too shall pass.

To me, it doesn't sound like she is ready at all. On a different note, I read your statement "my two yr. old is loud and independent". I would recommend getting a book on children of this personality type and read it through twice! It will change your entire view of her. My son is a VERY loud, independent, everything is difficult with him, kind of child. Are they hard to parent...absolutely!!

But, when you get a new perspective, you really begin to see their strengths and what their future strengths can be (like someone else mentioned previously). When you "push" or are "tough on" a child like my son and your 2 year old, you rarely get good results. Usually you get more resistance, attitude, and more "bad" behavior...they just shut down. From what I've read and are now seeing, you have to parent them very differently than easy, compliant children. Not to say that you don't discipline or expect the best from them, but your techniques and expectations must be different.

These are books I recommend - Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka; The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High-Need Child from Birth to Age Five, by Dr. William Sears; Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, by Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long. There are others that I'm sure people can recommend.

Good luck! Remember, difficult and independent children are usually very smart, artistic, and creative, etc. children...you just have to channel all the extra energy in specific ways! :-)

I have two book recommendations for you: Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond, and Toilet Training in Less Than a Day (it worked on my 27 month old son nearly 1.5 years ago). It does use treats initially during the day, but then you gradually wean them off the treats in the course of the day. The Terrible Twos book might be good to read and implement first, as the toilet training works with children who aren't running the show, so to speak. They are both available on Amazon, or you might check the library. Good luck!

Knowing when she has to go and telling you she needs changed are two different things. Is she telling you BEFORE she poops or wets her diaper or telling you after the fact? If after the fact, then she isn't recognizing the urge to go yet, just feeling uncomfortable with her diaper soiled.

Some children do potty train later than others. Mine was like that till he was just over 4 years old.

I would back off for a few weeks and then try again. The more upset you become over it, the more she will be upset and the harder it will be for it to happen. Our physician said to try for 2 days then back off and wait a month or two and try again. When the child is ready, it will happen without any fussing and very few accidents. When my son finally trained, he had NO accidents after the first 4 hours. He has only had a couple accidents since, mainly because we were out shopping and couldn't get to a bathroom in time (too far away).

if shes a young 2 dont push it most kids arnt ready until they are about 3. what we did was a potty timer. every hour the timer would go off and my little one would go to the bathroom. she got a tootsie roll for going pee and a prize from the dollar store for going poop. but i would just give her a little more time

C...

Hi I am a mother of three, a 8yr old girl, 6yr old boy, and 4yr old girl.. I noticed as you did with all three of my children that each of them started doing things in their own time. Take for instance my 4yr old, to me she is way more advanced in her age than both of the other two, but I know it's because she watches everything they do and well she catches on really fast. I have the same problem that you are having with my 8yr-old. I work third shift and my son and oldest daughter stay with either my sister or my adopted mother in the evenings so that they are able to be ready for school. My 8yr-old, since staying with them has decided she wanted to revert back to wetting in the bed on a nightly basis, mainly because they allow her to drink until the time she goes to bed. Of course, she's hard to wake up while she's sleeping therefore she wets the bed. So, their plan of action for not having to change sheets each morning is to buy "GoodNights" and put them on her, against my wishes, therefore it makes it even more ok for her to drink what she wants before bed. Of course, when she's with me, I don't allow my children to drink anything after 8:30 and I don't have a problem at all.
With your daughter, I wouldn't worry too much about her holding herself until after she's had a diaper change. She'll decide in her own time when she feels ready to start using the potty. I know a good method I got my son to pooping in the potty was basically having a "potty party". Which I gave him candy, or something he wanted after he pooped in the potty. Of course I did this with all my kids, but with him, it helped out a lot because for some reason he'd pee but not poop in the potty. I would try little incentives like this for her and see how it worked out for about a week or two. Just remember, she will come around in her own time.. And make sure that everyone is on the same page as you are with her potty training, or you will be in a scenario like myself, where your doing one thing, while others do something totally different, and well it will confuse her.. I hope this works..

Shonda L.

This is a control issue... I would not engage in a power struggle over this... well, I take that back, I did in the past, learned my lesson and learned that potty training is VERY INDIVIDUAL to the child. My son (first) was a struggle...my daughter (second) was a breeze and practically trained herself at just a few months after her 2nd birthday. But let's go back to my son, he and I power struggled and let me tell you that he won! My advise is to shelve these efforts for a good month and then revisit. Bottom line, you can't make them go, only encourage... what you can do is make them think it is their idea... but you are going to have to give it a rest for a while and then regroup, get a new strategy and try later after both of you have had time to detach from the power struggle. After about a month go to the library and while she is distracted in the puzzles pull out a lot of potty books and mix them in with a handful of others, show this pile to her and tell her she can pick five books to take home. Hopefully she will pick some of the potty books, then at home read them to her every night before bed... I would do this alone for about two weeks. During the month of waiting, get rid of pull ups and consider, just for a six week trial switching her to cloth diapers. The probability of her disliking cloth is high. And that's a good thing. Over this months time she will learn to hate the diaper and when it's time to read the books her interest in going on the potty will be greater than going in these new cloth diapers that she (probably) hates. Cloth yes is a pain, but judging by your post, 6 weeks of cloth is better than a year of disposables. Also every time she goes in the cloth in that first month you can make her part of the process of taking care of the consequences BUT make sure there is nothing negative about it. Example: have her put the wet diapers in the bucket, have her watch you put the stool in the potty but have her do the flushing. And just make sure during this time you don't express any of your distain in this process. Keep it positive, make it a "fun" time. Perhaps a couple weeks in, you can start to treat her for doing the flushing and dumping the wets in the bucket or washing machine...perhaps she gets a sticker on a chart for every time she helps out and every 5th sticker she gets to pick a treat out of a bowl (tootsie roll, m&m, jelly bean). So now think, during this month you will accomplish getting her to form positive feelings towards this topic, will get her to dislike diapers, and will get the two of you acting like a team instead of adversaries. Then you take the trip to the library, read for a couple of weeks, this builds her confidence in actually going in the potty... then start to test the water... "would you like to pee in the potty?" "would you like to poop in the potty?" "do you know that when you pee in the potty it will turn the potty water blue? and green? and pink? and orange? (after she pees in the potty discreetly drop some food coloring try not to let her see you do it ) Ask her "what color do you think it will turn this time? For every time your pee or poop changes the potty a color, you get to flush! And remember what happens when you get to flush, You get your sticker for your chart!" Hopefully she will start to want to participate... also you can insert a middle step if she doesn't go for the above, you can tell her that every time she "practices" sitting on the potty that she can earn a sticker. (reserve the color for success) Well, finally I just have to say... it's a process and not a fun one... good luck to you and I hope some of my advise will work out for you. Let us know how it goes! :) And P.s. I know from experience that it is hard to hear that she may not be ready... ask yourself the following, does she wake up dry? Can she go at least an hour with a dry diaper? I think it's a great sign that she is telling you that she is wet and or messy. Reward her for this! I know it sounds crazy, but it goes back to making it positive.. in the six weeks of cloth, you can give her hugs and praise for "TELLING" you she's wet/messy. Make sure she understands that this communication is so GREAT!! Then try to encourage her to come and tell you that she has to before she actually does. Still let her go in the diaper, but training her to communicate is fundamental step. Again, praise and hugs for the communication and then like I said above make her part of the clean up process. IT's all tons of baby steps, literally! And, I get other peoples point that "every kid is different" because they are. But, I also believe there is a window of opportunity to get this job done and it's easier in my opinion to do it younger rather than older when their will is even stronger! (My son didn't train fully until 4 and in my book, that is to late) But I also believe that my power struggles prohibited his success. Well, again good luck to you!

Hi, All children are different. I would back off and try again when she turns 3.

She is not ready; just wait. It's not a big deal if she is closer to three when she is potty trained. There is no reason to push her.

Hi C.,

I think I echo the sentiments of others when I say that each child is different. One may potty train at 2 and one at 4. Your second child seems very strong willed. This is a good thing for he future as she will be a leader, but for right now it is difficult.

Our child is the same. With the potty, we had to wait until he was ready. We started before his 2nd birthday and it went well for a while; but then it became a power struggle (just like eating) and one we could not win. So we let him go back to pull-ups. When he was ready about 6 months later, we let him do it his way. He wanted "big boy pants" for school. We let him wear those and no more pull-ups. After about 2 weeks of accidents on and off, he was potty trained! On his own time and his own terms.

Learn to love the strong will, it will provide a strength of character later in life that will hopefully keep your child from being a follower of bad kids or doing bad things. They will have a strong mind and independent judgment. Fighting a strong willed child and always "winning" will only serve to cause anger, resentment and erode their self-esteem. Every once in a while they must "win" Face it, as parents, we grown ups can always "win". They need that every once in a while too.

My first child was very strong willed, strong personality, etc ...still to this day, and she's 12 with new challenges. With my daughter, as long as she 'thought' she was doing it all on her own, she'd follow through. I'd say, can you show mommy how to tie her shoe (she was obviously older than two then) and then she'd try and try and try until she got it.

I have not read all of the other responses, and I figure I my oponion may not be the most popular, but children can be potty trained at a young age and I congratulate you on your efforts. Children learn what we teach them. If we give them a spoon and insist on them using it, they will.. if you never give them a spoon they will always use their fingers. Likewise if you allow your child to pee and poo in their diapers they are trained to go there and then going to the potty is the unusual thing. If you daughter knows that she has to go and is only going in her underwear and diaper, that is because over time her brain has learned that is where she needs to go. My suggestion is to take away her comfort zone. It is getting warmer so let her (at home) go without underwear or diaper. Yes you will have accidents on the floor and yes it will take time, but she will either let it run down herself which most children readily dislike or she will find a place like the potty to use where she will be clean. You may try using a potty insert if she does not like sitting on the toilet, she may fear she will fall in. The insert makes it seem more secure to the little ones.

Once you remove her saftey net, she will be more aware of exactly when everything is happening, and then you can focus on getting her to the potty on time.

A great reference is the book "Early Start Potty Training" I used it with my son and we were totally out of diapers by 18mths.

It can be done and if you have engough patience it can be done at an early age.

Also if you research some of the studies that say you should wait till 3 that children are not ready.. you will find many of those doctors that came up with those stats were supported, funded or worked for some of the majoy diaper manufactures ---very interesting.

Children are smart and learn what we teach them -- you are doing a great job, just keep teaching and she will get it. If you stop, like most learning processes you will only have to start all over, only you will have more time reinforcing bad habits.

Take care you can do it!

All kids are different. :) I wouldn't pus it, she'll use the potty when she is ready. Most kids potty train sometime between 2 and 3.

My daughter is 25 months and will sit on the potty occasionally but really has very little interest in it. I let her sit when she wants but don't push it when she doesn't. I am confident she won't go to kindergarten in diapers. :)