Child with Hemophilia

Hi,
Which behavior does he think you should stop? It's not clear from your descrption. It's pretty hard to spoil an infant they need care, lots and lots of care.Letting them cry or whatever does not toughen them, it makes them untrusting of the world, something you don't want your child to be. There are some pretty anxious people out there because their parent wanted to toughen them up. Get your x some books on parenting and continue to do what you're doing.
L.

Honestly, I don't think you need to "get across" anything to your X. It sounds like a manipulation ploy on his behalf. I'm sure he does care about his son, however what you do during your 80% of the time is up to you. If he has input he'd like you to consider you can listen for a cool new idea, but don't feel like you have to do it, and don't get drawn into an argument. It's a non-issue. You both have your own parenting styles and over time your child will come to realize that. Plus the X is not going to totally undo with 20% what you have spent 80% of the time instilling. Don't even argue about it. Say something vague and affirm that you heard his opinion, but don't let yourself get drawn in. He's just trying to maintain control in a situation where he's already lost it and make you look bad/ feel insecure in the process. Sadly, this is a pretty common X game and is just a phase those of us with Xs all need to work through at some point (usually sooner than later) Hang in there. You're doin a find job and don't let him tell you differently.

Hi S.,

I am sorry your son's father doesn't understand. Unfortunately men sometimes just don't get it! My daughter who just turned 1 has a tough time if I am not in the room sometimes or if other people are holding her. We just joke that she's a mamma's girl! All kids have a time where they just want mom or dad. It's probably even tougher in your situation where youe son doesn't see daddy very often and see's you all the time. So he is obviously going to have a stronger feeling towards you. As he gets older and more active he should be fine (although I am married to my kids father and I have no experience with having to just leave my kids with him for a period of time) I wouldn't worry about it.

Does your son have a blanket or toy that he loves? If he does I would suggest that you make sure he has it when he is with daddy so that way he still feels comforted even when your not there! Good Luck - S.

I will tell you this. From experience and observation, men always tend to think that women spoil our children. I hear that all over. I have an only child and he's 16 now and he is a good kid. I don't know what you are doing that would be considered spoiling but you could ask your husband this question..."How do you spoil a child with too much love?" There is no such thing as too much love. Seriouly..it's a man thing. Unfortunately each person is different so I don't know what you can do to make him understand. He may never understand the relationship a mom has with their children. And the other mom is right...you child does not have seperation issues from being spoiled. Your child will adjust to that so don't worry.

I'm not really sure what you're doing that he's assuming is making your son "spoiled", but I wanted to say that seperation anxiety is not a result of "spoiling". My son is 21 months old and since he spends the majority of his time with me, he favors me over anyone else. His dad says it's because I spoil him, when in reality it's because he spends so much time with me.

There is a proven difference in the parenting styles of men and women. Men tend to think (especially with boys) that they need to 'toughen up' while women still see them as babies and need to protect them. You'll never find 100% harmony, but understanding that difference has helped me understand my husband a little more and realize that his parenting differences are not a personal attack on me. As humans, when we are met with resistance, we push harder. I'll bet if you say to your ex 'you know, I tried (whatever) and it seemed to work...thanks for the suggestion', he will soften and be more open to your suggestions. Don't let this be a power struggle between the two of you, your little one will pick that up right away! Love your son more than you dislike your ex.
~L.

Divorced couples need to learn something, and the faster they learn it the happier they will be:

You can't control how your ex parents your children.

Unless you think it would be a good idea for him to control how you do, drop it. You will certainly have different ideas, different values and different approaches. You have to find a way to accept this or you will make yourself crazy.

While I think leaving a child to cry is cruetly to humans, lots of experts disagree with me, and he will certainly not be taken away by child services for having cried for a few hours. Whatever falls into the range of 'good enough' is outside your control.

The only thing you can do is love your child and do what you think is right for him at your house. He will adapt to the different rules and expectations, with less difficulty than you'd think. Probably with less difficulty than you do.

Children are not that easily confused. It's not as if you guys look identical or anything.