Child Who Doesn't Want to Sleep at Night

K.:

Too sweet... a 21 month old little one. As you know, they grow to be so smart at that age. The also learn pretty quickly what behavior gets a reaction from their folks. My son did the same thing your child is doing after being such a good bedtime boy. It sounds like you are assured nothing is wrong with him but an interuption in his sleep patter. As hard as it may be, you'll just have to help me get through it and that is going into his room, laying him back down on his bed assuring him he is ok and it's time to go to sleep- you have to walk out of the room after that! He will continue to fuss and after 20 minutes or so I would simply go back in and repeat the process but walk out. This assures him you are there, he is ok but it is time to go to sleep. You will be assured he is ok but have to endure several times of doing that until he realizes he needs to go to sleep. Next to potty training that was the most challenging thing with my son but in time he returned to his routine sleep patter and stopped doing that. I did a warm bath and rub down in baby lotion to sooth him before bedtime and after a bit of realizing he needs to go sleep and you not going to allow him to get up... he will get past this phase but plug your ears and be patient, ha! ha!

Best Wishes!

awe he just want's to be with you guys. Talk to him during the day about it. if nont through words through energy. look at the situation as energy. what does he need energetically to feel more secure? it seems obvious to me but I've been sleeping with my 3 1/2 year old his whole life. Just not when he was itty bitty/ My main advice is just to listen to your son. Let of your agenda and arrange what works, for everyone. and remember lOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS!

Whoo hoooo.. your not going to sleep for another 3 years girl!!!!!

OK serioiusly... My son.... did not want to sleep... CRIED for HOURS... he even got hoarse one day.....

And now we have a new routine.....

After his dinner, and warm bath/lavender soap.... I started to give him a massage to relax him.... his back... his feet.... I dim/decrease the lights....sing a song, read a story and/or just talk to him for about 10 minutes....."It's time for everyone to go to sleep so they can rejuvanate and store some energy for tomorrow... I'm just in the other room...I can hear you... I love you...this is time for yourself too Jonah...we all need to take for ourselves quiet time.... you have your bear here who listens when you want to say anything..... yada yada.. Tell it to the Bear baby!..

I also do tea lights with aromatherapy with lavender or vanilla to promote good dreams.... no other items or toys are in the bed and I throw on some relaxing symmphony music....

and we do this every night so that he learns the routine.....which sometimes can take two weeks... took my son 3 days.... if he cries..... I waited 15 minutes before I softly talk to him again, just to reassure him I have not left/forgotten about him... and then I put him back down with his bear......

Do this at the same time every night and stick to your guns. Yes he is a lil precious baby but part of being a parent is TRAINING. And the gates are for his protection. Unless he is sick or teething....do not continute to pick him up. It will prolong the progress/results..This is hard because sometimes they cry soooooo pitiful but he can cry himself to sleep. Sometimes if you stay in the room, they will cry more because they see you.

But you know.... we did start out on a palette on the floor. And then transferred him to bed in the beginning.

Now... I put him in the bed, he knows the drill.... even if he isnt sleepy... he will lay there, watch me and hold / talk to bear. and when he falls asleep... i actually have a lil time to myself...that i didnt when I was trying to rock him and console his crying to get to sleep. Who knew.

I always wanted to get one of those motion lights that shows like dinosaurs or something around the room/ceiling but I never found them.....

Hope this helps a lil bit.

Hi K., First of all great news that your son has never slept in your bed, I am surprised how many people let their babies or children sleep in theirrooms or beds, that must really put a damper on itamacy. Alot of kids go through the scared of the dark phase or beinga lone, Try puting a nite light in his room, and letting his door stay open, we never closed our kids doors, also if you and your husband go into his room every night when he does this, he will continue, because it gets him what he wants, he maybe acting out because of the new baby coming. I know for our first born we put a fish aquarium in his room that had a blue light and we turned it on every night before we put him to bed. Being pregnant, you need your rest, and you and your husband may have to get firm with him about his screaming, once the baby is here, the baby won;t sleep at night either if your son is screaming. Hoped this helped. Mother for 24 years J.

He is in a big boy transition. I went through this with my three kids. BE FIRM and sharp about not accepting that from him. Don't think you are being mean or hurting him. He has to learn that nights are quiet and he can NOT disturb the peace. Daddy needs to get rest to go to work and mommy needs to rest to take care of him. It will pass or get worse, your choice.

Don't put gates & barriers up... it is making him feel shut out and stuck and locked away or banished. Not a good feeling to have when going to bed.

At this age...they also can feel anxiety, separation anxiety..it's normal. You are not the only one.

Also at this age, they can and do have "night terrors" and/or night mares... AND at this age, they also start to get afraid of the dark and "scary" things...it's normal as well.

What you can do, is have a regular pre-bed and bedtime routine with him... what me & Hubby has done when my girl was that age... is we put her to bed, give her her own flashlight to keep in bed with her, tuck her in, read her a story for about 10 minutes, let her chat if she wants for a couple minutes, comfort her.. then we SIT in her room with her in a big comfy chair, and explain that we will keep her company until she falls asleep. Then we will leave. BUT...if she needs us for ANYTHING we are there for her and she can come and get us, and we won't scold her for it. Giving her that reassurance has gone a long way in giving her confidence and peacefullness in knowing we are there for her if need be. Kids need to know this in words and in actions.

I know you said you don't want to go in his room and prolong the experience... but, maybe he "needs" this and some comforting. There is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure what he is going through is purely developmental... they do get afraid of the dark. Even at 5 years old, my girl still gets that way sometimes. You need to allow them room for error, and let them know that you are there for them. Otherwise, going to bed will just be traumatic for them, and they will not know that they can rely on you if they need you. For anything.

It's a phase. But be patient about it. It will pass. ALL kids go through this... especially at this age. Don't turn bedtime into a battle or an anxiety time for him... lay the groundwork now, comfort him, use positive redirection etc. And later... he will become more secure about it and self confident.

At least this is what we have done with my oldest child. My youngest is different in personality, and so his temperament & routines is different.

Good luck, I know it's not easy. I've went through that too.. but it WILL pass. BOTH you and Hubby have to be consistent in it. ALSO, you are pregnant.. .this is a BIG change for him... he needs comfort and extra attention now... prep him for when the baby comes, so he knows what to expect. He needs to know that You are there for him.... always give him special time of yourself... so he will "accept" the baby once it comes, and does not feel insecure about it and how much you love him.

All the best, and take care,
~Susan

I have a 2 year old who sleeps through the night. We do not put a baby gate in his room because the theory is that as long as he knows he can get up and get us if he needs anything, he has less anxiety about sleeping on his own in his room.

It's worked because in the past, he's come in our room to tell us he was itching and we were able to put cream on his skin for him and then take him back to bed. The first time he slept in his bed and was out of the crib, the first 3 nights he tried coming in our room. I would walk him back to his room and put him back to bed.

Our house is baby proofed in a way that he is still safe if he walks out of his room. (Gates in the kitchen and top of stairs so he doesnt fall down or go in the kitchen)

In the mornings he runs into our room really happy and says "Good sleep!" LOL

I dont believe in gates in the doorway or locks in the door for toddlers because it keeps you from helping them to be calm and go to sleep in their room.

Their room becomes a place of anxiety beacuse they're locked in and cant get out and cant get to mommy and daddy.

If babe is crying I'll hug him and kiss him and then walk him back to his room once he's calmed down.

Babe sleeps through the night is very confident and excited about going to bed as a result.

So maybe with your child you have to literally start over with the training him to sleep in his room.

It will get worst before it gets better...but you can remove the gate for now, and when he walks in your room at night, listen to what he asks for or says he needs and if its water or the potty, take him and then hug and kiss him and say goodnight and walk him to his room, leave and close the door.

Just because he cries and screams doesn't mean you give in by letting him sleep with you. (Unless youre pro-cosleeping then thats ok)

If he cries hug him and comfort him and then walk him to his room after he calms down.

If he starts screaming becuase you're walking him to his room, dont say anything and walk him in anyway, rub his back and say goodnight and leave...and keep doing it until he stops leaving his room...at that point it doesnt matter if he sleeps in his bed or on the floor by the bed wrapped in his blankets.

If he is genuinely not tired, does not sleep at night, get him a flashlight for kids and some books and tell him he can play quietly in his bed with his toys and light as long as he stays in his bed and stays in his room.

Hi K.~ I am the mom of four little girls ranging from 21 months to 13 years and my second daughter went through a faze of not wanting to sleep in her bed~or her room at all. What had started this was a severe cold she had gotten, my mother suggested I let her sleep on the couch, and prop her up with a pillow so the sinus pressure would be relieved and wouldn't drip all night and disturb her sleep. It worked beautifully, until it was time to start her back to sleeping in her own bed after those few days. She was appx. 2 years old at the time. After dealing with this myself personally, my advice to you K. is...let your son sleep in a place of his own choosing OTHER THAN your bed. Give him the option of a sleeping bag on the floor in his own room, a sleeping bag on the floor in the living room, sleeping on the couch...it is easier to get your sleep and deal with your son in a way that is not more stressful by lack of sleep, believe me, I went rounds with my daughter and finally realized that as embarrasing as it was when we had people over for dinner or whatnot, that my daughter was going to be going to bed on the couch. She slept on the couch for months, it was a scheduled bedtime just like it would have been if she were in her own bed, we did the bedtime rituals, but she went 'night night' on the couch and we accommodated her by not having company over later in the evenings or staying up late watching movies. I found that I was getting to bed earlier and feeling much more rested because her choice was causing me to go to my room at an earlier time of the night than I otherwise would have. I was also pregnant with my third daughter during all of this and found that by just not putting so much emphasis on whether or not my child slept in the 'right' place, really saved all of us a lot of unnecessary stress. Eventually we bought her a new bed and bedding and got her back in to her room with that. We let her choose her own sheets and we were open to whatever she wanted as long as it was the size of the mattress.
Best Wishes. Mom of Four who knows what your going through.

K.,
I know this must be so hard especially being pregnant. Your son is probably feeling separation anxiety and needs to be reassured that your still there. Someone else wrote about going in and reassuring your son that he is ok, that you love him, and that it's time to go to sleep.
He'll get the idea without the trauma of being left all alone, which I feel would only increase his anxiety.
Best of luck to you and congrats on your expecting arrival!
S. G.

Hi K., I can really relate. I have a 4 YO who has put my DH and I (mostly me) thru the ringer since he was born. I swear the child HATES to sleep, ironic considering how much I love too!! He has fought tooth and nail going to sleep, I've heard EVERY excuse in the book, from the classic: I need a drink of wather, I have to go potty, I forgot to brush my teeth, I'm scared to the more creative: I'm itchy, and more amusing: my wee-wee is hard (sigh - BOYS!)
After 4 years I have a very long story to tell, too much to write here. I've read several books (inc. the "Healthy Sleep habits healthy child" book and found it to be full of hard to follow statistics and so unhelpful I couldn't even finish the book), magazine articles, online articles, and had many discussions w/ other mom's on the subject.

I when thru 2+ years where he'd wake me up, up to 8 times a night, but the biggest problem was getting him to go to bed. Our situation was different, my DS slept w/ me until my DD was born a few months after he turned 3, but even before that he challenged us EVERY SINGLE night. We threatned, spanked, layed w/ him until he fell asleep, let him fall asleep on the couch and transfered him to his bed, all of these weren't acceptable IMHO.

My DS has to sleep with the lights on in his room, or he won't sleep in his bed all night (we put energy saving light bulbs in his room!). We also started a sticker chart for him last year for him to earn various toys he wants, this has been the greatist help. We give him one sticker for going to bed like a nice boy, one for staying in his bed all night. 21 1/2 mos may be a little young for a sticker chart. It took us awhile to figure out the leaving the main light on in his room thing, you might need to try a few different things to find out what will comfort him.
He may be having nightmares or night terrors. I have read a suggestions that you take him to buy a sleeping buddy.

I guess don't really have alot of answers for you, just alot of empathy.

he is probably having some increase separation anxiety as many kids do at his age. honestly, if I were 2, I'd be scared to sleep alone, too! He probably senses a shift in the energy at home due to the pregnancy and on some level, he gets it that all of your attention is not totally his. Even if you haven't told him about the baby brother on the way, kids get it that things are changing. he needs reassurance, not tough love (as so many people might tell you). just keep it in mind that he is going through something very hard, instead of focussing on how annoyed and exhausted you are (I say this to myself, as well, because my daughter currently has annoying sleep issues, too). Find ways at night to reassure him.

My son is now 21 months old and sleeps well, this wasn't always the case though he had sleep trouble early on. Try reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth,M.D. This book is amazing it's a step by step program for a good nights sleep.It really works, I have given this book to all of my friends that are or were expecting and they absolutely love it. I purchased the book at Target, but I think Barnes and Noble and Amazon carry it as well. Hope this helps...