Child Father Said He Would Go 2 Dr. with Me, Stood Me up and Ignored My Calls?

He's not a good guy. Good men don't do this. If women didn't give it up for free, there wouldn't be so many fatherless children. I don't understand being "in love" with someone who is not a good person. He's a loser. The best thing you could do for this innocent baby is let him be adopted by a mom and dad who are stable and have a loving marriage. Best wishes to you.

He's telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. STOP sleeping with him! He's a dog. You can do much better.

I'm so sorry to hear the pain you are in, Raenesia. I've been there, with my first husband. He made so many promises, and told me so many times how important I was to him, and I kept hoping. It was a mistake, and I'm so much better off without him. But it took me a long, long time to learn to let him go. I hope you will get there faster.

I'm really concerned about your further hope that your baby boy will be the little man to love you unconditionally. Those hopes will accomplish one or both of two things:

1. You'll be disappointed when you learn that a baby NEEDS you unconditionally, and it will be a long time before he's able to love you just because you are a person worthy of love. And when his needs for constant, exhausting care clash with your needs for sleep, support and love, you might both suffer for it.

2. If you make him the center of your world and use him to meet your emotional needs, it will place demands on him that no child should have to meet. To whatever degree he tries to rise to your expectations, he will have to ignore his own natural needs for nurture, support and freedom. This is not fair to him, and will not be fair to you, either.

So I hope you will seek out counseling. It will help you find alternative ways to meet your own needs, take care of yourself and your child, and, if necessary, let go of the immature man who has impregnated you.

Best to you.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm sure that you are a good woman but being a good women isn't always enough to make a guy a good man. He's really just a boy trapped in a man's body and he may always be that way. Please take care of yourself and your baby boy, and by that I mean, take pride in all the great things that you have to offer and don't squander it someone who isn't worth your time of day. Be selective about the guy that finally wins your heart because you and your son deserve to have someone in your lives that treats you with the courtesy and devotion of a queen. Let this guy go. He's just a joker and a fool.

Sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But, you have brought this on yourself by continuing with any contact with this man. I feel for your child though, it is in for a world of hurt until you get a grasp on how to treat yourself better. Please don't use this child as a replacement for a man in your life - that is too much pressure for a child.

Please seek counseling...you really need to get to the root of your need for the attention of a man that has no respect for you and your child. You need to do this before the baby is born, so you will be the best mom you can be - as I am sure that is what you want.

Also, get a lawyer and learn your rights regarding this man and your child. That could get sticky and maybe dangerous. He obviously enjoys playing games with you, you do not want him to do the same with your baby.

Blessings and peace!

The sooner you dump this guy for good and move on with your life, the better off you'll be. He's the father of your child so he'll always have a very tiny spot in your heart. You've already admitted he's made a fool of you. So why do you want to continue down that path? I know that it's not easy because I know you love him and it's hard to let go.

You know in your heart that he does NOT love you, he does NOT love his baby, he does NOT want this baby. I think you need to ask yourself some questions to help you find the answers your looking for. How long were you with this man? It takes a year to get to know a person really well, during the first six months everyone is in love and you don't really see all the faults in that person or in the relationship. How long were you together before the two of you decide you wanted to have a child together? Was this baby an oops? Did you decide you wanted a baby thinking then he would have to love you? Why did you choose to have a baby without getting married first?

Surround yourself with the people who do love you, they will help you get through this difficult time in your life. Put all your strength and energy into having a healty child.

I also suggest you seek some counceling to handle the disappointment, hurt and abandonment you've had from the men in your life. Remember the child growing inside of you, is a BABY (male or female doesn't matter), and eventually that BABY will love you, but it will be a CHILD loving it's mother, not a male loving you.

Good luck to you.

The same exact thing happened to me. Well most of it. My boyfriend dumped me at 8 weeks. We decided that we'd adopt but he would support me with whatever I decided. We slept together till I was 7 months pregnant (It got to uncomfortable by then) and he was "going out" with a girl that he had met 6 years ago and blew it with her. Oh and she lived across the country. So they were having a long distance relationship. Oh and she was engaged and had a baby girl. I was hurt horribly, but still refused to let go of such an idiot. I loved him sooo much and still sadly do. Although I am getting over him and I know I deserve someone who will be there for me. He was never there when I needed him, but I would drive in a blizzard while pregnant at 3 am for him.
All in all, I think you should leave him for good. Once the baby is born, take him and collect child support (if he doesn't sign the birth certificate the court can order him to take a paternity test and then force him to pay child support) and never talk to him again. You deserve what you want, and what you want is emotional support from a man that will be there for you ANY TIME! That's not just when he want to get in your blue elastic waist banned pants. Once that baby is born he will never ever talk to you. He sounds like he just wants sex and will say anything to get it. Leave, and leave now! Single parenting is hard. But so is parenting with two parents. But guess what. You make all the rules and don't have to be bothered by the other undermining you. If you need to talk, please email me! I'd love to talk with you. We were in similar boats and can help each other out.

Sorry darlin, but it's time to grow up. The father is who and what he is. Accept it and go on. He can't use you if you don't let him.
As for " I prayed for a little boy so I can have at least one male figure in my life to love my unconditionally and God granted that wish.", that isn' t necessarily so. You have to earn his love and respect. He's not even here yet and you are putting a load on his shoulders. It's what you do for him, not what he does for you.

So sorry that you are going through all of this. We all want to be loved and wanted but we also need to take control of who we will allow into our lives. Please come to terms that this guy is history. Make plans to move forward alone without his support. Depend on yourself and not someone else to make you feel good about yourself. It's time to stop blaming some else for your problems and prepare for your upcoming baby and his future. And I hate to break you bubble but a child is not going to supply you with unconditional love either. I hope you don't place that huge responsibility on your child to fill your needs. It wouldn't be fair to him.
I hate to be so blunt but it seems to me that you are just sitting yourself up for disappointments by placing your happiness by how someone cares/loves you. If you looking for unconditional love you need to seek God himself. He is the only one that can provide it. All the humans on earth are imperfect and have issues and can never fill the void that you feel.
Best Regards,
C.

I'm going to respond very frankly. You're not the first broken-hearted woman by a long shot, and you won't be the last. Just because you love him doesn't mean he will love you back. It's ironic, in a way, because we all know we should treat other people the way we want to be treated ourselves. But it's absolutely no guarantee that we will be treated well! In a manner of speaking, we are the main characters in our own plays, and everyone else is an extra. I have a feeling you're hardly even an extra in his.

Anybody can say, "I love you - you're the best thing that ever happened to me." In this case, as often happens (sadly), it's just a line. And evidently the line is working because you're hanging on to those words that you know have no real meaning. But why should he be any different? He's getting what he wants, and that's what matters to him.

Please think about this: you have a new little life inside you who is more important than any worthless fellow who doesn't treat you as you should be treated. You are more valuable than you may imagine, because your value comes from your Creator and not from any boyfriend (or any other man, by the way - I notice that you say you seek an unconditional relationship with a male so I'm thinking that hasn't happened to you).

Your job now is to make the best life for yourself and your baby that you can. Nobody can make you happy except YOU - not even the best or most faithful of men - and you CAN be a wonderful mother to your child.

Is there any place you can go to get some assistance? I'm far away from Memphis, but if there is a pro-life pregnancy center where you live, I think you can get some support and some sound advice for taking care of yourself and your baby, detaching yourself from this and any other unhealthy relationship, and finding a good direction.

I am so sorry that he did this.

You are a good person, You love hm.
He does not respect you.

You deserve to be respected and loved.

You are smart, you need to get an attorney and make sure he helps by paying child support. He will always be your child's father. This means he will in some way always be around in the future. You will need to decide what you need to do to keep your relationship with him in perspective..

If you have to leave post it notes all around your home, car, purse at work.. saying. "He is her/his father, not my husband, boyfriend or lover".. Do it..

Do you want to continue to include him in doctor visits, the actual birth of your child? I do suggest you see a therapist so you can work through all of this and have an "emotional plan".

One thing I know about people for sure- they always want what they can't have. There's no challenge to you. He knows that whenever he wants, no matter what he does- you'll always be there waiting for him. Mostly, it's a turn off to people..but a very easy booty call. Sorry to say, but as long as you're at his beckon call...nothing's gonna change. You've got to move on with your life and worry about you and your child...it's a totally different ball game now.

you need to cut off the sex first, and stop letting him treat you this way. You have to think of your son first. Is this a role model you want him to have? Do you want him to think that this is how men should treat women?

In the long run, you're better off without him, even though it might be hard to see now. If you do end up with him, he needs to prove himself to you and he never will if you keep making it so easy for him to treat you badly.

i know you're hurt, but you know what to do. think about what example you'd be setting for your son-- that it's ok to treat a woman like this? would you want him to grow up and treat somebody else the way his father has been treating you? you know deep down you need to be done with him. you just need to find the courage to do so. do it for you but also do it for your son... good luck and keep us posted!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was 35 and expecting when my child's father emotionally abandoned me. He had moved to another city before I conceived, so there were no "booty calls" once he decided to start see other people. Don't do it. It's to hard.

I can share w/ you what I did. I sought every source of support in my community that I could find, for I suspected correctly that my family wouldn't be of great support. I found support through several sources. A program that was for first time parents (offered in-home visitation), my local Community Action Council (offered in-home visitation), a org for Single Mothers that met 2 times a month. To find this sources I started looking in the phone book and visiting local agencies for pregnant women. The agencies had a wealth of information. Even a local Planned Parenthood would be a good place. That extra support will provide way more emotional support than an immature man that doesn't care or have a clue.

If possible, severe the emotional ties you have with person now, but try and maintain a mature civil relationship w/ him if (and only if) he grows up becomes responsible, and decides to be in your child's life. And be smarter than me and file for support immediately. I was very sick after birth. My child was 4 before I did. Allegedly I can't get that 4 years of support now. But I may look into that.

Well, I'm sorry he's being so irresponsible and stupid, and I'm sorry you're still in love with him. What you have to do is be strong and forge ahead, and that's not easy to do. It doesn't sound like he's going to be much of a father, and that's sad because not only will your child miss out on that, but he will miss out on one of life's biggest opportunities. If I were you, I would be VERY careful about how much I let him in my life. I would let him know doctor's appt. dates, the birth time, etc. and if he doesn't want to step up and be a man, then I would let him know that he was a loser who obviously didn't have the balls to truly be called a man, but that you are going to raise his son to be a decent man who takes responsibility for his actions. Maybe at some point he'll come around and maybe he won't, but you have to start trying to focus only on your life, your pregnancy, your soon-to-be child and how you're going to manage things. Hopefully he'll wake up, but start today livng as though he won't.

I can't believe you are still in love with him either. You continue sleeping with him, why would he treat you better when you give him what he wants? People will treat you the way you let them treat you. The first time this happens you are a victim, the second time it happens, you are a volunteer. I heard that recently about women who continue to be abused whether physcially or emotionally. You are obsessed with this man b/c you can't have him. This is not 'love'. Love is not that hard. Women want to fix men, they think they can be nicer and nicer and the man will change. They are who they are, at their core, they are not going to change. If he all of a sudden falls in love with you, it will be because he realizes what life is like without you. How can he miss you if you won't go away??
I was abused years ago by a boyfriend and just like you, I continued to love him. In 6 years he NEVER changed! He promised he would, he told me what I WANTED TO HEAR. This guy is telling you what you want to hear b/c it keeps the confrontation down. It keeps you coming around, it keeps you sleeping with him, it keeps you close b/c you are pregnant with his baby....It is sad that you think a 'male' baby will be the male figure that you need. This baby will fill a void but it won't be the male one you are searching for. Maybe you can try counseling, I finally gave in and after 6 yrs of being emotionally abused, the therapist told me why I put up with it and finding that out helped me to move on. You have got to stop begging for this man's attn. and decide it is time to move on and take care of this baby. Stop talking to him, stop sleeping with him, stop everything! Once this baby is born, IF this man decides to be in the child's life and IF he decides he is ready to grow up, then you can accept him but IF he does not, you will be strong enough to take care of this baby on your own. Please do not start this child's life chasing after a man that may not want you. Sometimes women get pregnant and the men did not want the pregnancy, sometimes they are not in love with the woman but do love the attn they are getting. Don't be hurt when this man doesn't do what he says he is going to do, be informed at who he really is. Surely somewhere deep down you knew that this guy was not going to show up...I look back now at that horrible relationship and know that I knew it was not right, that it was not true love, that he would never be the man I wanted or deserved, that he would continue to hurt me and as I begged, he would make me look more like a fool. I felt like a fool b/c he was making me look like a fool. I was embarrassed and hurt. 10 yrs later I am with the most amazing man and could spit in the guy's face that "I loved so much". I hate him for treating me so badly and cannot imagine how anyone could be so hurtful. 10 yrs later I hear that he has gotten a girl pregnant, abused two more women and is STILL a jerk! Do you really want your child to see this man as an example? Do you want him to grow up treating women this way? Start over, get out while you can!
I am sorry I went on and on but it pains me to see women get abused and treated so badly. It is time to move on and realize your worth and raise this new baby in a happy environment. Sometimes tough love is what helps you realize it, I hope I did not hurt your feelings. W.

Hi Rae, first of all *big hugs to you*. I am so sorry that this man has not stepped up to his responsibility. That being said, enough is enough. I think that you know that continuing to sleep with him after he has "dumped" you is not a smart thing to do. Even though you are carrying his child does not mean that you have to sit and wait by the phone for him or even have a romantic relationship with him. I know you said you still have feelings for him, which is completely normal, I mean, you are having his baby so of COURSE you have feelings for him, however, I would suggest examining the course of action he has taken since he has found out about the pregnancy. Has he been there for you? Has he shown he will take care of you and support you? Does he make every effort to show you that he will love this child? If the answers are no, then you need to move on. Yes, he will always be your child's father, but that doesn't mean that you personally have to subject yourself to his immature ways and it is YOUR choice to try to continue to chase after him for a relationship after he has dumped you. No one has the power to make you into a fool, you are the one who is giving him that power, and you deserve better!!! Get through this pregnancy, deliver that beautiful baby boy, and just start to pray that God brings a good Christian man into your life who will love not only you, but this new little blessing as well. Do not let this man continue to hurt you.

I'm praying for you girl!

forget him honey ive been wher eyou are its nothing but heart ache. get a good friend to go to the doctor with you and be there when he is born then go for child support. I know this sounds harsh but its what you have to do

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Even though you're expecting the same "dating" rules apply. I would encourage you not to sleep with him anymore! You have a lot of emotional events going on and you have to think of your son. He will always be a factor in your life but you need to set boundaries to protect yourself. Your son needs a strong mom so you can be there for him and you. I would just not initiate any contact and see what happens. Prepare for him not being there, but be open to his involvement with your son. But YOU set the limits and don't cross them. You're worth so much to God, seek Him for guidance. And get support from family and friends so you have good reliable people around, you and your baby need that. I hope things work our :) congrats on your baby!

Raenesia, You said it. He has made a complete fool of you and you continued to sleep with him, which is all he wanted anyway. Don't call him, text him, email him, IM him, send him a message of any kind through anyone. I don't even know this man and I can tell you he is a no good, low-down DOG. If he's not with you, he's with someone else. Please don't think that I am being hard on you, I'm being hard on him. I can't stand these men that think that they can just sleep with willing participants and tell them whatever they want to hear and just walk away! If you are not planning on putting this baby up for adoption, plan on getting no help from the father. If he isn't there for you, he will not be there for your son. If you are planning on keeping the baby, go and get the dna test so you will be able to get child support immediately after birth. I can promise you that he will NOT be there for you. If a man is excited about a pregnancy, he would have shown up for the ultrasound. We all have to live with our mistakes. Focus on your baby and keeping him healthy. Learn from your mistake and move on. I know that you think that you love him but sweetheart, love doesn't hurt you. Love feels good!! Keep saying that to yourself, over and over. A good man will come your way. Don't keep fishing in the same pond. God bless you and your baby!!

He doesn't care about you -- he's just using you for sex. That's a hard and harsh reality, but it's true. Quit giving him any. At all. Close up shop. No more. Move on; and if he does come back, make it be on *your* terms -- meaning, he can be in your life if he wants to be, but you will not give him sex in return. If he wants you for more than sex, he needs to learn how to show that. There is a blog that would be perfect for you to read -- What Women Never Hear [http://wwnh.wordpress.com]. Men are different from women, as you summed up very neatly when you said that you thought if you were a good woman for him, he'd be a good man for you. That's not how men naturally are... but that's how they can become with proper female training. Read the blog and start learning how to train men (either this one or another one in the future).