M.P.
L., I think you're saying that you haven't actually gone to court yet but that he has filed and you have not. What I'm saying is that you need to have an attorney so that you will more likely have primary custody. Even with an attorney the judge could rule that you have joint custody or even that the father have primary custody. You need an attorney because the court has to be aware of a whole lot more infomation than you'll be able to think of giving so that (s)he can make a good decision.
Yes, it appears to not be fair that he took the baby. However, we have heard only your side of the situation. Even tho it appears to be unfair if he presents a better case to the judge the judge will most likely rule against your wishes. YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY!
Also, even tho the father does not have custody as the result of a legal ruling, he DOES have physical custody because your baby is living with him. It does not legally matter that he's living with his grandparents as long as the home is stable.
You, are quite understandably upset and apparently focused on how unfair this is. This focus will not help you regain custody. It does not matter what you think. I know the courts will consider living with his mother as a stable living arrangement if certain other facts are also presented. Another reason to have an attorney who can present a logical, unemotional case to the judge.
In is also in your best interest to STOP fighting with the grandparents. If the grandparents are able to make a calm and considered appeal to the judge while you're presenting an emotional one the judge could consider it better for your baby to be with them. There are many, many, many factors to be considered when making a custody judgment. You need to be aware of all those factors and be able to present a logical, unemotional case.
Also, who has legal custody is dependent only on what the judge considers to be best for the child. The judge can give the father custody even tho he agrees that the way in which the father took the child is unfair. What matters is what is best for the child at the time of the court appearance. Past history is important but only part of the picture.
Also, who pays the bills is not an important part of deciding who gets custody as long as someone is paying the bills. I am guessing that his parents are financially stable and paying the bills now. And it is healthy for your child to bond with his grandparents. This should not be a problem if he's also bonded with you. The court will ask this question.
What is more important than who pays the bills and how the child came to be with one parent instead of the other is which parent is aware of the child's emotional and physical needs and which one is best able to meet those needs. That is a much larger picture than the one you are presenting here.
Being fit or unfit is too black and white. You can both be fit OR unfit. The question is which parent is able to provide the best parenting for the child. Who is the most fit. It is possible that the judge could rule that you and the father have joint custody. If you strongly object to that you could lose custody and only have "visiting" time. And, yes, if that happens you will have to pay child support.
You said that you are able to visit with your baby. This is good. Focus on the good parts of this very unpleasant and unfair situation. Focus on what is good for your child. Focus on your baby and what he needs. As you said, he does need a relationship with his father. If his father is allowing you to see your baby he is acknowledging the importance of your baby's relationship with you. You have to be co-operative so that you can have the best results in court for your baby.
L., I've had 30 years of professional experience in the family court system. You have to file a response as soon as possible. YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED AN ATTORNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you need to focus on what is best for your baby without focusing on your anger towards his father. Focus on the fact that your baby needs both parents and how you can best make those relationships happen.
I also suggest that you have counseling so that you can deal with your very understandable and normal anger before you have to appear in court. And so that you can continue to be a good parent.
When custody is disputed, as it is in your case, the court may ask for a psychological study and a home study of all parties. It will be helpful to your case if you're in counseling already.
GET AN ATTORNEY! I cannot stress that enough.
I sympathize with you. I would not be writing these long posts if I didn't feel that way. I want you to have a fair shake in court and the best way to do that is with an attorney. Otherwise you're leaving the decision up to chance and as you know you cannot predict that anything will be fair.
