Child Being Left Out

oh that was me from 2nd grade on... may have been 1st as well but I just don't remember as much. I would have loved to know about this as a tool when younger...

http://www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/teaseproof.pdf

H.,
Where is the school administration and teachers in all this? If he is being picked on in school then the administration and teachers need to step in and take steps to prevent it - this is bullying and the school should not tolerate it.

We had an issue at the beginning of the year with my son being picked on by some of his classmates. He would come home angry and upset. I scheduled a meeting with his teacher and let him explain to her what was happening. She paid more attention and that helped. I also told my son to hold his chin up and not let the other kids know that they were upsetting him. When they did not get a response from him they stopped. Bullies are mean to other to make themselves feel bigger - if they do not get a response they tend to wander off and find someone else to pick on. I tell my son that bullies are actually kids with very little self esteem and who don't feel good about themselves and since he is smart and handsome and feels good about himself he actually should feel sorry for the bullies.

Hope this helps.
It did get better for us. The most important thing is to make sure your son feels good about himself - then it really doesn't matter what other think about him in the long run.

Bullying should not be tolerated! Period. first, I would call a parent teacher conference with the principle and guidance counselor present. Explain the situation, I have even heard of bringing the other children parents in. If it were my son doing the bullying and I was unaware of the problem, I would have no control over stopping it. Perhaps, the parents are unaware of how thier children is making your child feel and what they are doing to him psychological and mentally.
Good Luck.
J.

As a teacher,I think the most important thing is let the teacher know. She probably has no idea that this is going on. I can't imagine a teacher knowing that other students were making another child feel this way and not doing anything about it.That may completely stop it. If there are a couple of kids in his class that he is friends with, invite them over to your house or on family outings. Sometimes strenghthening those friendships that they have can really make them feel better about themselves.

That just breaks my heart. Some kids can be so mean, but I think its up to the parents to model kind behavior and inclusive attitudes. I have found that some areas of the country, more so than other areas have a legacy of segregation and cliquish attitudes. I have always encouraged my children to include everyone. I never held a birthday party if we were not able to invite the entire class. Including the class bully. That is the main reason why parties usually took place in school and only school. Then something special IE;a Disney park, or an awesome show was done with family and extended family (cousins, aunts,uncles) inorder to prevent one friend to another comparing notes and feeling left out. This is how we've always done birthdays so my kids don't miss parties with their friends. Somehow kindness does something even to the hardest of hearts!! One "good" friend is better than a big bunch of "fair weather" friends!!! And cousins make the very best friends!!!!

It can be hard to feel left out or different. I work with children of alcoholics, and I have found that each child has a gift. Try helping him focus on what he is really good at, what his best characteristics are, and how much he is loved. One thing that I encourage parents to do also is to involve their children in a team somehow. Maybe a sport, art class, church group, or any kind of activity where he feels like he contributes. At this age, children really want to feel like they contribute to the world around them and that they have some kind of talent. Also reassure him that we all face this type of thing at some point. Good luck!

The responses that you have gotten seem to be advice for one particular child picking on your son, but this doesn't seem to be the case with him. I am wondering if he just needs to improve his social skills. Sometimes kids get picked on for a particular problem or trait at some point in their years and they respond by getting caught up in a vicious cycle of anger and victimization. My step-daughter went through a tough time when her parents divorced and was picked on for lashing out at other children and alternately crying in front of them. When she got control of her feelings and resolved these issues, she still had trouble making friends. She was still going to the same school and with the same kids and every time something happened that she didn't like or she wasn't picked for something she was the victim and "nobody liked her". This did not endear her to her classmates and the circle went on. We had to really work on talking about what a friend acted like to us and what she could do to be a friend to someone else. We had to really help her distinguish the difference between just not being friends with someone because you do not share the same interests or activities and being mean to someone. It became a discipline issue for her also, in the way that she treated her friends. Several times we had to stop and remind her privately that she was not treating a friend kindly herself. Friendship is a give and take and sometimes that means making a bigger effort on your part, it can't always be on your terms. You can help build his self-esteem by helping him participate in things that interest him or trying something new. Find what he is good at and go with it! If he likes sports or art or cooking or music, encourage him in what he likes. If he has a class or team he may find others that share his interests and open up his circle of friends. Kids are mean because they can be. Definitely talk with his teacher and let her know what is going on, but don't let him be one of those "mean kids".

Okay, this isn't going to sound nice, but this is what we had to do. This kid in my son's class is nice to him sometimes and then will turn around and be mean and threaten him. I talked to the teacher and it would be a little better for a while, then it would start up again. My son even went to the counselor on his own, which I was so proud of him for doing! Finally, I called the principal and they all met-the teacher, counselor, principal, the boy and my son and talked. I told the principal when I talked to him that this had been going on for a while and that we had talked to the teacher and the counselor about it and it still continued. I told him that we had finally reached the end of our ropes and we told our son to punch the boy right in the nose the next time he bothers him! I know that sounds harsh, but you really do get to that point sometimes. And we are not violent people! I tried the talking to my son like, "He's insecure and that's why he does it", "Be patient, he's going through a rough time with his parents", "Ignore him and he'll leave you alone", and so on. They don't GET that stuff. Another boy who was picked on by this same child finally threw him down on the ground one day at football practice and the bully has not messed with him to this day! No lie! You can only be so nice for so long, then you have to stand up for yourself!! We are still working on this. My child hasn't punched him yet, but school's not over yet! I really hope he doesn't feel he has to. Sorry so long! Good luck!