Cheating Spouses

Well if you can not get over it I say leave him and find someone that you can trust and actually makes you happy.There is no point of staying with someone that you do not feel comfortable with anymore and no longer makes you happy.

So sorry. Wouldn't even begin to know where to tell you to start. However, yesterday Oprah had a show on 'Why husbands cheat'. She had this doctor/author on the show that has been a repeat guest. He talked about why men cheat but there was a good amount of discussion about dealing with. Anyways, if you go on her site, you are able to download the book for FREE until 7pm central time TODAY. Might be worth looking into. But I would definately get counseling for the both of you and maybe even individually if you can. Best of luck!

Get over it emotionally to forgive the person and stay or to divorce the person and to move on to trust others?

For the first, couples counseling. For the second, likely a lot of self-examination and perhaps individual counseling if you can't let go.

Dearest T. ~

Alot has to do with what your spouse is doing to help ease your pain. He has a responsibility to behave in such a way as to "earn back your trust". Trust should not be automatically given, it is something that is earned. Since he has broken the trust, it's time for HIM to make things right. Forgiving is different than forgetting. We can forgive, but we will always remember. He should be willing and ready to go to counceling with you, and that should be something you need to do immediately - A PRIORITY! If he is uncooperative, you need to take a good hard look at your marriage. If he is willing to do what it takes to get your marriage back on track, the healing will come in time. Don't expect it to happen overnight. Forgive yourself for having the feelings you have. You are only human and a betrayal such as this will stay with you for awhile. Don't give up if there is a chance to repair the marriage. Counceling will help you with these difficult decisions.

I wish you the very best. ~ K.

I don't have any personal advice, but you may want to check out this website: http://foryourmarriage.org/
I hope you are able to return to a happy marriage!

So sorry T.!

BTDT!

The best book ever is How to Survive the Loss of a Love, it truly saved my life during the dark spots.

Hang in there, it does get better!!
S.

Wish I could offer more than moral support-a year has gone by since I found out about the 2 affairs mine was having-and I'm still waiting for a real,genuine apology. Have you received an apology yet? Time will help, good friends-be careful who you confide in-make sure it's someone you can trust, prayer,patience, and when all else fails, get in the car, turn up Carrie Underwoods 'Before He Cheats' real loud, and sing your heart out. And If your heart really won't let go, maybe it's time to let go of him, I'm still thinking about it, just be strong, and know you are the better person.

Consider counseling. If you want to stay with your husband, you both have to do the work to heal. He has to do his part for you to develop trust in him again. Your part is to discover the reason for his cheating, and work through it. It's not your fault. He decided to cheat. Don't beat yourself up if it takes a while to regain trust in him. Your heart is broken. First, when you are ready, forgiveness is a must in order for you to move on. Now, you say it out of your mouth and may want to do it, but it does take a while before it sinks in your heart and you are able to act on the forgiveness by not holding him hostage to his mistake. My heart goes out to you. Stand firm, and be encouraged. Things will get better.

I've never been in your shoes. I do, however, understand that everybody would deal with your situation differently, and each way would be best for them. There are questions you need to ask yourself and find the answers inside you.
I recommend you read or listen to a tape of Harriet Goldhor Lerner's "The Dance of Anger: A women;s guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships". If nothing else, you will be in better communication with your heart about letting go or not...

I found this site to help a lot:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/

Just a thought..... God does NOT destroy marriages. The devil does. Love is an act of will and commitment accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of the its subject.

I wish I could take your pain away but I can't. The only one who I believe will never leave us or forsake us is God. He can and will give you a peace that makes no sense to the rest of the world. You pray and ask God to show you how to forgive your husband. And believe that He will show you how. Read your Bible. This is usually where God reviels His messages to us. Also, as you read His Word, you are planting these seeds in your heart. And as you continue to read daily, these seeds take root and grow within us. As the Bible says, it's these words that are our weapons against the enemy.
Seek counseling. Of course I suggest Christian counseling since they will show you how to apply Scripture to your situation. Also, they help keep your marriage together instead of telling you to just forget it. They will help you and your husband both get to the 'root', the reason.
Are you and your husband saved? Unfortunately, it's ussually when we are on our knees crying out to God that's when we really find that He's been there waiting for us all along. Nothing is a shock to God. He already knew this was going to happen and what you would do about it. So turn to Him and allow Him to comfort you. He loves you more than any man can ever love you and only God can give you peace with all of this. True peace.
I have a sister who has been through this pain more than once. When her and her husband turned to the Lord for help, it has made ALL the difference in the world for them! They still struggle some days are harder than others but for the most part, they are doing great. I tell you this because I want you to see, if God will help one couple he will cerainly help you and your husband through this too.
Please keep in touch I will pray for you right now.

Take Care,
N. {I'm sending you a HUG}

are you holding onto it because you want to?

or are you afraid to let your guard down?

have you told your hubby that he needs to earn your trust again. and that it will take you a long time to trust him again.

yes you both need counsiling. you also need to adress the problem as to why he did it. alot of the time it takes two and some times one of you was not happy. so you both have to be open about this matter.

YOU HAVE TO WANT THIS OTHER WISE QUIT WASTING TIME

hope this helps.

I am praying for you right now. Though I have been married 10 years we have not dealt with this and I hope we won't. My husband and I are deeply committed to our children, our faith and each other. We have both seen the damage that comes when people cheat. I did deal with this in my first serious (3 year) relationship but we were not married. Because we were not married I had to let him go. I know myself and I would have never let him live it down and that would not have been fair if he were truly repentant. But in a marriage, you have a vow that must be respected or it is nothing more than living together. Do you have children? Their needs should be remembered as well. Try to hang on to what made you fall in love with your husband, in counseling try to get to the root of what caused the affair, and spend time together. No weekend trips with friends, no going out after work with co-workers, etc. All that is fuel for the fire. No one else is going to care about your marriage as much as the two of you. If he is willing, you must be willing. If he responds well to all of the suggestions to save your marriage then you have someone who is committed. You have a responsibility to try. Try to remember that this affair was not really about you or something that is wrong with you. It is about something in your marriage that must be worked on. He made a mistake by not talking to you about it first but now your marriage is in a new place and you have to work from there. Your heart will ache for a long time, even if you leave him. It is up to him to make you feel loved, respected and wanted again to help heal your heart. Well, I am sure you have gotten a lot of advice but the most important thing is to turn to God with it. It may sound strange to some people but it is the oldest and surest way to get through anything.

God bless you.

T.. i will add you to my prayer list. i highly recommend attending a Gospel preaching church. st timothys catonsville, md is here. we are an international concgregation. if you like email me. sandysheep ____@____.com
just take away the spaces in my email address.

Hi T. how are you? I feel you please beleive me when I say that! I am so fed up with my husband too that idiot cheated so many times I got fed up with it, we have been together for almost 10yrs and have 4 children, 1 from my first, 2 with him, and he has one from his previous. his son, hates me, because his mom tells him to he is 15yrs old. my husband's mom hates me because I am latina, and of course baby mama drama! so to make this story short about 2 weeks ago I told my husband I was leaving and I was looking for an appartment and everything of course he cried and boo! but that's all BS! I have not left because we have a house in the middle and I didnt want to interrupt the kids in the middle of the school year, so I told him that I wanted to sale the house form now till June, than I took my money from our joint account, open a new one and told him to get his own. now I am doing me girlfriend and taking care of the children he is not going to change so I know what I have to do. one day he said to me that I could not make it with out him, I laugh and just looked at him, it gave me more power to tell him how I felt and I let him know that just because there is a house and children involve, that would not stop me, I called my Lawyer friend for advice. well if you ever want to get together and talk about email me. I am in Fort Washington, MD.

I understand how you must be feeling right now my husband and I have been through similar situations but the only way he and I was ever able to truly let go and forgive each other was when we got saved. God helped us through so much and He can do the same for you. Let me know if you need a church in the area my church is Missionary Full Gospel 9500 Chesapeake st. Norfolk 23503 I will keep you in my prayers.

T., I can relate to the pain and disappointment you are feeling regarding discovering that your spouse having had an affair. You put your trust in him and feel that your trust was misplaced. In some respects you may feel that you did not do something right, or that something may have been lacking in your relationship for him to stray. Be of good courage. That is not the case. Sometimes men feel insecure in areas of accomplishment -- such as a job, in finances or in personal achievements and, unfortunately, rather than looking in the mirror and doing a self assessment, they find it easier to try to compensate for this by conquering in other, inappropriate and unhealthy ways.

If you are committed to your marriage and love your husband, I would encourage you to see if your husband would agree to counseling. Counseling will help both of you. If you are Christian, I encourage you and your husband to continue (if you are churhgoers) being active in church service and participation, and if you are not active, I encourage you to join a strong community of Christian fellowship in the area in which you live.

Isaiah's wife was a prostitute and he wanted to leave her and the Lord told him to stay. Lsaiah asked how many times he had to forgive her and the Lord told him "70 times 7". In forgiving others their transgressions the Lord can forgive us when we sin.

Lastly, in this age of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, your husband needs to understand the seriousness of the health consequences associated with his behavior and the risk he puts you in. This is a life and death matter.

I only speak from experience. I know how bad you are hurting now, but time heals all wounds if you open your heart to forgive. It will just take time.

You did not indicate if you and your husband had discussed this and whether or not this relationship with the other woman is an on-going relationship or how deeply he is involved. Prayerfully, he will open up and be honest about this with you. You have to be strong enough to be able to bear up and the only strength you have is the strength that comes from faith in the Lord.

God bless you both and I will be praying for a successful conclusion to your situation.

This advice is only, if this is his first time. T. nothing is instant. It going to take you a very long TIME to forgive and let go of the past, but you will never forget. You can move pass this an be happy, but again it is going to take TIME. You will have to learn to trust him again. I know your heart feels like it broken and you're very angry. But look at your's kid or kids and weight your options. Is he worth keeping and try to work pass this or letting go. Let him know that you will forgive him, but you won't forget. Let him work on gaining your's love and trust back. Let him know that nothing easy so start working. Pray and ask God to help your's heart and soul. The answer will come.

I will pray for you and your's family.

Pray
I'll b praying for you, T., for you to be enough of a reason. God Bless you, sis.

Hello T.,

Sorry to hear that you are unable to get pass what your husband has done to you.

Broken hearts only heal with time. Memories last for ever!

If you have a strong faith then you would need to pray. Pray and pray hard.. turn your plate down and fast ask god for guidance’s is your situation .

You would really have to ask yourself if this is a marriage that you should keep. If you feel that you love him enough to keep him then work hard on getting the relationship back to where it was when times were good! Anything worth keeping is worth fighting for .
Now my question to you is it WORTH IT!