Carsharing, Teen with Video Game and My 3 Year Old

Updated on November 22, 2010
H.W. asks from Portland, OR
6 answers

This Thanksgiving day, we (myself, husband, 3 year old son) will be spending roughly 7 hours driving to and from our family Thanksgiving gathering. Because my sister's car is unreliable, we've offered to take she and her 12.5 year old son as well. Our car is a teeny Honda, and my son's car seat is in the rear middle position; it's going to be a tight fit, but do-able.

My sister asked about her son bringing a hand-held video game, and as this has been a sticky point in our extended family, I thought this was a considerate question. My answer to her was that as long as he wasn't ignoring people (because my son is very interested in his big cousin) and as long as the games weren't shooting/gun/hurting games, I was fine with it. I have no problem with go-cart type games or maze and treasure style games (can you tell that I'm completely removed from this technology?), but as we are very careful with our son's exposure to both media and violence, I felt this was a good compromise. (My son doesn't play any computer games at all, has never seen a gun, or even a water gun in use --he sees them at the grocery store, but has no idea what they're for; we have plenty of other squirting toys. He isn't even interested in playing swords.) My sis stated that her son and a friend had traded game systems for the week, and she didn't know which of the games was on the borrowed system. There was a bit of "uh-oh" in her voice. I also let her know that I have a bunch of car games from my childhood that we could play too, and she mentioned they had books, etc.

So I'm just asking, more for curiosity's sake, as I am pretty clear in my thinking on this: is this a reasonable limit, in regard to the games? Have you had an experience similar to this, and what happened?

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So What Happened?

As I said before, our car is teeny, so yes, my son can see the screen no matter where my nephew sits, even in front, so content is important. If the games on the borrowed device are an issue, and his mother wants him to have his video game, she can arrange for the kids to switch back games before the trip.I personally think that if my 3.5 year old can make many long drives without movies and video games, a 12 year old can too. When we were kids, it was common for us to do 4-8 hour trips with none of the modern gadgets, and we had plenty to do anyway: singing, 20 Questions, a jillion alphabet games, license plate game, car bingo, cat's cradle.... In some ways, it was a time our family came together and had those long conversations daily life didn't allow. There's something wonderful to me now when we are cruising down I-5 and I can see where the old llama farm was near Wilsonville/Newburg, or where the oak tree we called "Mr Bojangles" (it looked like a man dancing) used to be, marking a "halfway to Eugene" point. We all get a bit disconnected from the land we live on when we are busy watching screens, instead of what's going on around us. I understand that many families like the video players, and we aren't ready to have them enter our life just yet.

More Answers

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Since your nephew would be playing a handheld game, if he had the volume turned down, I don't think it should be a problem to play whatever games he chooses...provided he isn't showing the screen to your son (and they are games that HIS mother approves of). I think you are overstepping a bit.

EDIT: If content is that important than ok but as far as whether or not he needs it doesn't matter. He has a game and wants to travel with it. Today's modern day gadgets weren't available years ago but it doesn't mean people can't use them today...neither was internet but you do use that now. Just saying that you are responsible for raising your childe and she is responsible for raising hers.

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

My thoughts are do you really want to spend 7 hours of listening to "I am so bored".

When we travel everyone has 1-2 electronic games, the 4 kids share 2 DVD players with headphones on a splitter so we don't have to hear it, they have coloring books, crayon boxes, books to read, the select about 10 movies so they can switch out if they want something different, we have a few toys like dolls or cars but they tend to be non useful due to limited space.

We also stop every 2 hours for either a snack or a meal. We stop at huge parks with lots of running room or McDonalds with very large playgrounds. Kids get sore and cranky if they can't get up and move around. We travel several times a year with my friend. We have a 7 yr. old girl and a 3 yr. old boy. She has a 7 yr. old girl and a 9 yr. old boy.

I would never leave home without a cooler in the van filled with juice boxes, milk in tippy cups for everyone (they can be washed and rinsed out or even reused if put back in the cooler when the kids are done with them), snack stuff to grab and eat with their hands like raisins, chips, granola bars, Oatmeal bars, fruit roll ups, etc...but we still stop for actual snacks for the purpose of going to the bathroom and having playtime. We hardly ever hear cranky talk from the kids. They have had activity time, quiet time, play time with their brain (the electronic games), etc...we always enjoy our trips even cross states for hours and hours.

J.C.

answers from Columbus on

I think that's more than fair. Considering the size of your car, your son would be able to see the screen, so it's not at all unreasonable, I don't think.

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

Yes absolutely! And I would ask to view the game before he gets to play them in the car. Don't feel bad about asking.

Just to let you know. I had this rule of no shooting, no guns, etc when my son, now 33, was little. It also helped that his best friend's mom had the same rule. He begged for a cowboy outfit, star wars stuff so he got that. And little boys made gun things out of sticks and fingers.

We made the rule, no shooting anything alive including trees, grass, bushes, etc, that left houses, buildings, targets...kind of boring. And had some peer group social issues. But I stuck to my "guns".

Now he is a parent of a three year old and he has the same rule. First time I saw him say it, I about fell out of my shoes!

So the morals that we teach our children as little kids, really do come through. So hang tough on what you allow your little boy to view on the video games. It does make a difference in how they grow up.

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M.L.

answers from Seattle on

Seems like a reasonable limit to me. Especially if your little one will see or hear the games.

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J.N.

answers from Seattle on

Reasonable - yes. It is your car so they should respect your wishes. On the other hand, if he is going to be playing more violent games than you'd like, I would ask that he wear headphones. The screens on video games are usually very very small and I doubt your 3 year old would understand them (I have a 3 year old also). If your child had a leapfrog video player to play at the same time, he might think he's pretty cool like his cousin :)

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