Cant Understand

men and women think WAY differently.
Sometimes a baby or prospect or a baby and the responsibilities that come with them can scare a young or immature daddy.
He may just be panicking and his flight or flight instinct is kicking in and he's running. He's been around just long enough to learn how much work babies are. He may still come around. I'd suggest therapy for both of you. Marriage counciling.

LM,
A new baby is a VERY stressful thing. Please explore all optons before going your separate ways. Good luck to you.

Men do not have the natural instint that woman do when it comes to loving a nuturing a child. Is it possible that your husband was not ready to become a parent?

Separation/divorce can be very scary, but just focus on what's best for you and your son. You'll be fine.

Just take one day at a time and one step at a time. I'm so sorry. Good luck to you... hugs.

Oh sweetheart. Are you sure this is it? Or are you just so sad and tired right now? New, young fathers can be skittish about having to have their world revolve around baby and mommy. (Whereas Mommy doesn't really have a choice, so it seems natural, right?) Do you love your husband still, even if a little less than you used to? Does he love you? Maybe you can try to find a way to talk about things first. See if he will agree to go to counseling if you haven't already tried. Or see if you can spend a night alone as a couple if you trust someone to take the baby for just that one night. If it's not going to be, then being sure it's really over is one way to have greater resolve about the challenges of the future.

Good luck to you.

Sounds like a visit to a therapist is in order. It's normal to have these kinds of questions and to need help answering them....for both you and your son. A therapist will give you the perspective that you need....and some do work on a sliding scale.

It is hard for a man to fully understand the incredible instant bond that a mother has with her child. And difficult for a woman to understand that, often, fathers need to grow into their bond with a child. Maybe you both just need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to see where the other is coming from. Or maybe he is just a big, stupid jerk who doesn't deserve this beautiful new boy and his wonderful mother. Either way, you can only be the best mother you can be for your baby and enjoy these early days with him as much as possible. Get a support system in place (friends, family, new mommies group) and remember that at the very least, this big dumb ox did do something right ... he gave you this beautiful child.

I once heard that surviving the first year of marriage and surviving the birth of your first child are two things that make or break a marriage.
You didn't say if this separation is your idea or his.
Having a baby is very time consuming and very stressfull on a marriage. All of a sudden there is a third person who needs constant care and the relationship between husband and wife can suffer. Men view parenting different from us. We are the care giver. We nuture, feed, hold, etc. Men are focused on the providing aspect. Being a new dad may have over whelmed him. (not that that is an excuse for not being there).
I hope things will work out between the two of you. Children need a mother and father in their lives. Maybe couseling would work. If not, maybe a good sit down where you both can talk about what is going on in your marriage.
If these extra curricular activities are honest and wholesome things like a bowling league or card game with the guys, maybe there can be a compromised reached as to how often your husband goes out to have fun. Outside hobbies are healthy for a marriage if they don't take up all of the spouses free time. It gives each of you time to yourself, time away from teh responsibilities of work and parenting. But there has to be a balance because you need to focus on your relationship with each other too.

Good luck and I hope things work out.

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My husband has committments a few times a week at night, but because I get home at 7, he has to take care of our child for 2 hours a day between daycare and when I get home. That's a good balance.

Getting to that point was hard in the beginning (when she was 3 months old) because he didn't think he knew how to take care of her on her own, and basically was forced to do it because of our schedule. It's easier for men to let the woman be in charge, but if at all possible you need him to be able to take care of the baby on his own by himself without you at home.

Now that my child is 2, he tells ME when i'm "doing something wrong", and we're equal parent partners. I'm not sure if his parenting is an issue, or just his attendance at home. If he is a stellar dad and goes off a few times a week, you might want to start making plans yourself even once a week so you don't feel as slighted (gym, walk, friends).

Reality check - if you separate, he would be getting visitation with the baby, on his own, for days at a time. He needs to suck it up and play equal partner NOW while you are under the same roof. If he doesn't already know how to be a daddy and mommy all at once, he needs to learn.

I'm not sure how old you are, but many guys do not want to give up their freedom, it's much worse when you are younger parents. One piece of advice that my Mom gave to me (wise woman who married at 21 with 5 kids) is NEVER do everything yourself, he has to contribute.

You have to be able to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and honestly say you've tried everything with your husband before calling it quits. Definitely try counseling first, you owe it to your baby to try everything before splitting up the family.

good luck!