Can't Get 4 Week Old to Fall Asleep Alone

I have to disagree with the other Moms who made you sound like a bad Mom. At 4 weeks old they can be just as frustating as a 4 year old. Letting them cry helps build their lungs ask any DR.

There is a great book called good night, sleep tight by the Sleep Lady. It has advise for newborn through school age children. You can find it at Barnes and Noble. She was on Dr. Phil about a year ago. I love the book!

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but letting a 4-week old baby cry for 30 minutes until he throws up is just cruel. He's too little to put himself to sleep (you got lucky with your first). All he knows is the comfort of his parents arms. Do you breastfeed? If so, try nursing him laying down on your bed and then sneaking off after you unlatch him. I am totally against CIO, but if that is the route you choose, even the "professinals" say to wait until they are at least 4 or 6 months old. If you need to get a few things done w/ your other child while the baby naps, invest in a baby sling.

It's totally normal for a 4 week old to not want to fall asleep alone. Think about what would have happened to a baby seperated from his parents when humans were still cave dwellers. Babies are programmed to cry when seperated from their moms.
It's okay to rock him until he's in a deep sleep. It might take 20 minutes or so, but it's so much better than listening to him cry for 20 minutes, and don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you this will spoil him. It's impossible to spoil a baby that young. He will grow out of this stage one his own, and giving him lots of attention now will actually help him be more secure and independent later.
Also, something that stuck out was that he cries as soon as you put him down. It may simply be he doesn't want to be seperated from you (which is healthy and normal at his age), but it could also be reflux if he spits up a lot all of the time, and seems really uncompfortable. In that case, when he's propped up, he's okay, but when he lays all the way down, it makes the milk come back up and that burns his throat. You might want to try propping up one end of his crib and see if that helps.

Have you tried swaddling? Since he falls asleep when you're holding him, you might try swaddling him. They also sell these great "sleep positioners" that give the baby an extra sense of security when lying in the crib alone. Good luck!

As I would lay my son down, I'd literally give him the shirt off my back! I would take it off and nustle it near him so he could still smell my smell. Worked like a charm. Just remember to put a new shirt on! :)

You know C., in those first few weeks it all seems so frustrating. Especially when you have an older one to deal with as well! I can tell you that all three of mine go rocked to sleep at naptime (the 4 y/o still does!) and still put themselves to sleep at night...eventually. I find it incredible and wonderful that your baby goes down okay at night. Really, I wouldn't worry about it.

In the daytime, he just needs that assurance that you are there for him. Life is scary and overwhelming when you are brand new. If it doesn't cause problems w/ your older one, I see no problem indulging the baby's needs. Especially at four weeks. Hang in there, girl!

Give it time. Neither of mine were able to self sooth until 6 weeks. I love having my babies on a schedule but remember to be flexable. You aren't going to cause him to need a sleep aid by holding him or rubbing his back those first few weeks. Don't worry about it. He is still pretty little.

I had the same problem with my son, who is now 14. He was/is an affectionate person that has a need for human contact. I started by holding him and patting his back as he slept, I watched his eyes for REM. Then when he was in deep sleep I would lay him down, he would stir himself awake but If I continued to pat his back, he would settle down and when I saw he was in REM sleep again, I would wean my patting down and then be able to walk away. Now, the first few time were a pain, but within a week or so I had him to where it took just a minute or less of patting on the back after I layed him down and he'd take his nap.

I want add that as my son got older, I would have to start by laying down with him in order for him to take a nap (Sometime I had to literally hold him still - if I could hold him still for about 5 minutes he would sleep good). You have to be careful with that... sometimes you'll find yourself taking a nap also. When I went back to work, he was 2, daycare couldn't get him to take nap but acted as if that happens, but when he was with me or my mom for the day, he took naps up until he was about 4.

I hope this was useful.

Sometimes you can't get them to conform the same as the first. i do not like the Ferber method. I like my baby to know that I will be there when he needs someting. Especially as young as yours is, you might have to hold off on that "training" thing. At this early point, it is all about him and his needs and if you don't provide him with that, he won't trust you. Give is some more time. You maay just have to rock him until you know he definitely asleep, like giving him 10 more minutes in your arms. My second son is a much lighter sleeper than my first and I have to rock him with a pacifier. He has a stronger oral fixation whereas my oldest did not have one at all. They are all different and you have to cater to them differently. Although I have to say, I do love the time of day when I get to rock my baby to sleep-everything else is put aside. I usually ask my oldest to join us and he can watch tv while the other is going to sleep-that way they both get to be with mommy.

I agree that a 4 week old baby is way too young to just let him cry like that. At this age, they are learning that people are there to take care of them and that they are safe and secure. Laying alone in a room crying isn't going to give him any security. What's wrong with him having a comfort object?
All babies are different and you may have just lucked out with your first being on a good schedule. My twins always went down well for naps, but had to be rocked to sleep at night. I enjoy having that time with them in my arms. They're not babies for long.

Your little baby is just getting used to being in the outside world, it is quite of a change from the warmth and security of your womb. I tried to look at it from my baby's persective, and that really made thing easier for me. At 4 weeks, I just went with the flow, I did not try to force anything, I just let my baby get adjusted to her new environment and did what I could to make her feel better.

My husband and I did not opt for the "crying it out" method, the midwife told us that before 4 months, if we let our baby cry it out, all it does is deny our child her need for security and reassurance, eventually she may resign herself to it, but is this really best for her ?

We did not really enforce a "schedule" until much later, probably around 5 months, my parents were pressuring us, but we decided to do things according to our daughter's needs. She wasn't a particularly difficult baby, and neither is your son it semms. Now she is over a year old and there are times when she is just pushing her luck, we can see that too ! A few crocodile tears wont hurt her ...

I hope this helps you.
Good luck.

A.

I have had the same issue with my four month old son. The thing that worked for us was swadling him, giving him a pacifier, and his Dumbo Blanket at the same time. He will sometimes yell for about five minutes but then he'll go to sleep.