Cant Get 3 Yr Old Son to Listen

Hi L.. I have trouble with my three year old son, too. He is very smart but also willful and independent. When he gets his way he is an angel, but he definitely has trouble listening. One thing I have recently tried is giving lots and lots of positive rewards and feedback throughout the day whenever he is being a good listener, and instant time outs when he is breaking the rules. He hates to be ignored but loves the praise, so this method has been working. I also reward his good behavior with marbles. When he reaches certain increments he can trade his marbles in for a prize or keep saving them up. Not only has this been a great method for getting him to listen and behave, but getting the marbles increases his self esteem. This reward has inadvertently helped his math skills, too, because he loves to figure out how many marbles he still needs to earn to reach xx amount.

I totally know how you feel. In a store, if my son hits I hold his hand and sternly tell him "No, it is not ok to hit" and make him apologize, no easy task either at times! If he hits with an object he immediately loses that object for at least 24 hours, put it in a place that he can see his toy, to remind him of what happens when he hits, clear locking container, on a shelf. We put his toys/etc on top of the refrigerator. When we go to the grocery store, if I know I'm pushing my luck with him or his sister (one or both are grumpy, tired etc.) I will use the treat tactic. Regardless of where we are going or what we do, in the car I always explain the rules of expected behavior and ask them to tell me them, my 5 year old pretty much knows most of them by heart. I give details like no hitting, no pushing, no screaming, we must share etc. The treat tactic for me is used usually when I know I need some extra leverage for good behavior, but occasionally I give a treat just because. The treat usually consists of sugarless gum, a &1.00 toy or coloring book etc and the rules are, if you behave, you will get the treat. If not, we put it back. No negotiating. I give one warning that they will lose the treat if either misbehaves and if they don't listen we put it back. Sometimes one child will go home with something and sometimes neither will. But follow through. Losing the treat will cause crying and yelling by my 3 year old, but I don't give in and it didn't take him long to figure out the game and now he rarely loses his treat. But.....occasionally he still does so don't be discouraged. I don't think anything works all the time. The minds and personalities of these little beings are so much more complex than we can imagine and just when I think I am figuring one thing out, something new challenges us! Hope this helps you.I know that hearing everyone else's similar issues helps me!

try positive reinforcement- a sticker chart with a sticker with every time he handles his anger well - a very SPECIFIC behavior needs reinforced in such a young child. What ever you chose to tell him to do when he's angry- count to five etc...
Whatever you do - Be consistent! and always let him know that hitting is wrong no matter whaere you are or what's going on.

It only took one time, but I took my daughter right home from the market once. I parked my cart, she was screaming and crying, but I had given her numberous chances. People were looking at me and I knew that I had to teach her. It was horrilbe, but I got her home and left her with my husband while I went back to the market. She knew she had to act respectable when I took her out from that point on or she didn't get to go. I didn't yell, scream or hit her. I just simply picked her up (why she cried, screamed, kicked, hit me as she knew she was going home) and took her home. I've never had any problem since. At home, well, that's a little different--LOL. She's going through the stage of kicking her feet or sitting on the floor when she doesn't get what she wants. We're getting through that pretty good, though.

I've been having the same problem with my daughter who is also three. I'm sure it's something to do with the age she is, but that doesn't make it any easier. We had a funny incident the other day, though. We just got a new kitten, and when the cat does something I don't want her to, I have a spray bottle with water that I can squirt at her. Well, my daughter was getting into something or other that she shouldn't have been, and ignoring me as usual, so in desperation I reached for the spray bottle and gave her a little spray. It worked! Not only did she pay attention, but she knew that it meant she was doing something she wasn't supposed to be. I have no idea if it will ever work again, but I intend to try it! :)
Of course something like that is much harder to do at the grocery store. I think we have all had a time when our kids have misbehaved in public to the point where we never want to go out with them again. I've learned that if my daughter can make my temper flare in public, it's a lot worse, and I feel more embarrassed. So I have been trying really hard not to lose my temper in public, no matter what happens. We have had times when we have had to leave a cart full of groceries in the middle of the store and go home (not very nice for the people at the store, but sometimes you get desperate). It's a pain to have to do the grocery shopping again another time, but she has realized that if she wants to stay in the store, she has to behave. But if I can manage to stay calm through it, I feel a lot less embarrassed, in spite of her performance. Lately, she's done really well in public, so maybe we're making some progress finally.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this helps, but if nothing else, know that you're not the only one going through this; we can feel your pain. Good luck!

I also agree with the idea of a lot of positive reinforcement when he is behaving well. That works very well with one of my girls.

The book 'Happiest Toddler on the Block' is great for really getting into the mind of a toddler and understanding WHY they're behaving how they are. I find it much easier to deal with my kids now that I've read it. I can really step back and 'get into their heads' so to speak.

Another great book is "1, 2, 3, Magic: Effective Discipline for kids 2-12." I know that book is recommended by some behavior therapists.