Can You Help with My Disagreeable 2 and 3 Year Old?

Consistency.

O. warning, then the consequence.

When things get loud--whisper. It gets their attention.

I read a book by those people--The Duggar Family--with a bazillion kids. They said that when the kids are 2, 3, they used to make a game of getting them to unquestioningly LISTEN & do what they are told. For example, they say "Jeremiah (or Jedidiah or Johanna) got to the top of the stairs, hop 3 times and then come back & give me a high five. Go!" And the kids learn to listen to specific commands. Now, whether you think that family is odd or not--you've gotta admit--those kids listen!

i've found there is no help for a 2-3 year old they are horrible little creatures. sticker charts dont work, time out can work and they dont recognize the before and after choices they are too young. ask them, tell them, make them and then watch them scream on the floor for about an hour and then take a nap from their fit, or they don't nap and get overly tired and your one 1 hour fit turns into 4 by the time bedtime rolls around. Everything will continue to be a struggle until they hit about 4 then they start to get better. (I was just kidding about the horrible little creatures to anyone I offended....... sorta...... but you still love them unconditionally or you would have given them away by now) Sit back, try to relax and it does get better.

First of all for a while you may have to start directions with
"Stop" "look at me." "Listen to my words"..
Then say what you want to say.. Or give the direction.

Then ask them, "What did I just say?" Or "Tell me what I just said",.

You do this enough and they will listen. And you will not have to direct them to listen.

You must be consistent.

Hi, A.! Take a deep breath and go get yourself a drink or something! You deserve it! Dealing with uncooperative 2 and 3 year olds is so fun, isn't it?!! I opened up your post because I have a 2 year old (will be 3 next month) and 4 year old. Let me tell you, it will get better as they get older. My 4 year old is a great listener, but sometimes they feed off of eachother. My 2 year old is, well, two. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't.

I think a sticker chart is a great idea. Be specific. I don't think a 2 yr old will quite grasp the concept of getting a reward after earning so many stickers, but he will LOVE getting a sticker. It doesn't take much to excite a child.

Good luck to you. And make sure you and yr hubby are on the same page.

Whatever you do.....don't give up! If you give up, then it will only get worse!

You are off to a good start & Trish N's recommendation for "1-2-3 Magic" is dead on perfect for your situation. It is the method which I've used for the past 10+ years......& it works. Consistency is the key!

Laurie A. also nailed it with the instructional commands before issuing the requests. You have to have their attention before you can move on. Currently in my daycare, I have an 19 m.o. who is still not talking....can say 2-3 words.....simply because he prefers to scream & wail. As of this week, I finally have him "looking at me" when he begins his cycle.....& I've managed to stop 50% of his tantrums. Whoo-Hoo! Now I just need to get his Mom on board....she applauds his tantrums & his strong will. (just shoot me now!)

A lot of my interaction & correction with the kids is non-verbal. Rather than raise my voice over their's....I use a fingersnap to get their attention. I find that this keeps my own stress level down! I then move into a sing-song about cooperation, sharing, etc. I kinda make it up on the spot! Both girls in my care love mimicing me......& have used it at home on their parents!

Oh, & about giving too many chances: yep, it doesn't work. It only prolongs the process! One chance.....only please! That's the only way the kids will understand that you mean business. Good Luck & stand firm!

Read 1-2-3 Magic. Seriously. It has lots of really good strategies for that age. Limit the choices to two. And they get two chances to do the right thing. After that, it's timeout or whatever. But do it unemotionally.

I have a 2 and 4 year old and I understand everything you are saying. My suggestions are:
1. Get down to their level and tell them whatever it is
2. Give them choices, you can do this or you can do this
3. Be consistent with whatever discipline you decide on, such as time outs
4. Seperate the two when they are not listning, my boys will feed off each other and if one starts acting up, then the other one(usually the younger) starts in too!
Good luck, it will get easier as they get older, my 4 year old is pretty good but still has his moments.

I had a friend that had the same problem. Why not have a chart, or store of little trinkets, they get stickers or cards for listening and they get taken away for disobeying. Tally the cards or stickers up at the end of the week and they get to choose a trinket based on the sticker price. This teaches them there is a consequence for their actions but also they can save their stickers or cards if they want to get a bigger toy or buy more t.v. time. It's up to you but I think that the follow through on any suggestion is a must. Consistency is a huge thing. Don't be that parent that counts to three. 1...2....2 1/2....2 3/4. These people drive me crazy. Once then the punishment or reprimand. Always explain why they got the punishment. Also let the punishment fir the crime. If they are running in the house tell them to put their shoes on and run around the house a couple of times. I bet they wont run in the house again. Good Luck.

Dr. Sears has some good ideas, be sure to scroll down the page to for specific issues:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

The '25 ways to talk so children will listen' has some good tips.