Sure sounds like Asperger's to me (I am married to one too). Whether you are able to get a formal diagnosis or not, educating yourself about Asperger's will make such a difference in your relationship. We've been married 11 years and our relationship has never been better and we have never been happier since becoming educated about aspergers and autism. We never knew my husband had asperger's until our son was diagnosed with autism, and he has no formal diagnosis of asperger's but he fits all the criteria, and on all the "asperger's tests" and questionaires, he always gets scores WAY into the asperger's range. Some great books are "Loving Mr. Spock" by Barbara Jacobs, "The other half of Asperger Syndrome: A guide to living in an intimate relationship with a partner who has Asperger Syndrome" by Maxine Aston, and "Look me in the Eye" (can't remember the author's name, but I'm sure you could find it on amazon or bn.com. You can also go online and search for Asperger's questionaire and find some assessments that will give you an idea of whether he is on the autism spectrum. The important thing isn't getting a professional "diagnosis", but to find out how your husband's brain works, and how you both can make minor changes that will improve your lives together SO MUCH! So many things surprised me as I learned about aspergers... things that I thought my husband did out of being inconsiderate or uncaring or that were just plain annoying/exasperating, make so much more sense now that I know how his brain is wired differently than "neuro-typical" (non-aspergers) brains. Things that I did that I never gave a second thought to, were absolutely like nails on a chalkboard to him (for example, he needs the lightswitches to be a certain way, can't have a double lightswitch with one pointing up and one pointing down) and I really don't give a rat's behind which way the lightswitches are pointing, but if it makes him happy that I don't "mess up" the lightswitches, then I am happy to accommodate that. Another thing that was an easy change but made a HUGE difference is that when my birthday or Christmas or our anniversary is coming up, I tell him "my birthday is in two weeks, and there is a down throw at Sears on the second floor near the escalators that I would really like for my birthday. It is on sale for $30 until Sunday. I really like the blue one and the green one, but not the red one". Then I am happy because I get what I want for my birthday, and he is thrilled and proud of himself because he gets to buy me a present that I will love. He just is not able to guess what I might like, or pick up on subtle hints like "I saw some really nice down comforters at Sears today". Making these kind of accommodations for him makes him willing to also make accommodations to make me happy. And that is really what a marriage is about, doing what you can to make the other person happy and to make it easier to get along and live together happily for years and decades. Good luck and best wishes to you and your family, and feel free to email me if you would like to chat further.
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