In My What Happened Box I Have A Follow-Up Question.
We have a 4 year old boy in our building who is extremely rowdy and doesn't listen to me when playing with my (just turned) 3 year old daughter. My daughter complained about pain on her backside and told me that he hit it with a toy. I don't know if she is old enough to be accurate about this or old enough to make up a story either.
Regardless, I find it stressfull to have them together as his parents give him a steady intake of sugar so he is very moody and agressive, and I don't want my daughter to take up his behavior.
Really not sure what to do, don't want to offend the other parents.
Thanks everyone for the advice and support. Most responses told me to limit or avoid their playing together (which is what I hope to do), but I'm unsure of how since they live in our building and we cannot get away from them! They know when we are home!
How do you tell another parent not to give your child candy and ice cream when they are giving it to their kid every 10 minutes and the kids are together? I know it shouldn't be hard, but the other parents strike me as really inconsiderate of my wishes.
To answer your question, yes, it's entirely possible your daughter made up the story about being hit. But from what you describe about the boy, her story is believable.
You can find better playmates for your daughter. Limit--or altogether cease--your daughter's time with this child.
Sounds clear enough to me that you already are hesitant in your daughter spending time with this boy, so if infact he may or may not be hitting her...might be a good enough reason to split ties, or...when they are together, be present and mindful of his actions.
You could ask the boy...at 4, he might be nieve enough to tell you the truth. You could just ask him," Say, I my daughter said you hit her the other day on her back with a toy. Do you know what she's talking about? You wouldn't do such a thing on purpose would you?" Give him the chance to fess up, or...at least this statement points out that you disapprove and that you WILL find out if he does it again. It might make him think twice about it the next time he's going to attempt it. It also could have been an accident in which you might be surprised in his response.
Yes, 3 year olds can accuse. However, take it with a grain of salt. My 2 year old does tell me and/or our daycare provider if someone hits him or takes something from him...but he also says things that didn't happen. Not that they are trying to lie, but sometimes they will start talkign about something that happened in the past or they will be being creative and telling a "story".
I would either just watch very closely when he's over playing and tell him when he's being inappropriate. If his parent's don't like it, they can restrict him from playing with your daughter....
Or just cut it off now, start making yourself and your daughter unavailable. Does she have other friends she can play with in that area? Maybe start making more playdates with those children.
Since your newer, maybe you can find a play group or a mommy and me class at the local YMCA to meet other children and parents.
I would believe your daughter. She wouldn't be complaining of pain and saying that he hit her at her age. I just haven't seen any child make up something like that at such a young age. I would find other things to do with your child or if the boy is outside when you are not leave your daughter alone with him. Try to join a play group or other children in the area. i wouldn't take any chances with this kid if his parents aren't very attentive.
I just saw your follow-up question...Since they know when you are home maybe you could say something like "we are having family time now" if can't go out to supervise. I certainly wouldn't let your daughter out even if his parents were out there. For the issue with the candy/ice cream/junk food you could say "we have ice cream at treat time" or something to that effect. It will really difficult since your daughter will want to have it since the other kid is always getting it and there will probably be some tears. Offer her something else instead. Whatever you normally choose for snack...yogurt stick or cheese and crackers...It's so hard since you are in the same building and sharing common areas. Good luck to you
I would believe your daughter usually three year olds don't make up something and then complain of pain or being hurt at the same time.
I would just make it so that your daughter is to busy to play with them, avoid them. Or if they are together and things get rowdy make an excuse to go in.
Since you don't know very many people. It might be a good idea for you and your daughter to join a moms group. That way you can meet more moms in your area and your daughter can have some other kids to play with. Moms groups offer playgroups, outings, social times for moms and specific groups like book or craft clubs. It can be a really great place for you and your daughter to make good friends.
She could very easily be telling the truth--you know her best. I know it's hard to not know many people, but this sounds like someone not worth your time. Personally, I wouldn't allow her to play with him anymore. It sounds lik his behaviors are not ones you want your daughter picking up.
Where are the two playing together? If it's at your home you need to set up rules as soon as he walks in. If he won't listen to you, he goes home.
