C-section - Who to Be in the Room W/ Me?

Huh, is there really that much of a sound? I've had 4 c-sections and I can't say that I could even describe what it sounds like, since pretty much the only sound I'm listening for is my baby's first cry. I hear suction, the anesthesiologist's voice, and that's about it.

Earplugs for daddy--can't imagine my husband not being there with me when his child is taken out--very pre-1960s.

None of anyone's business what you do. Have everyone stay out. Get a friend to go in with you.

Some men just can't handle it. Cut him some slack!! If he can't do it so be it. He comes in as soon as baby is born.

Wow. I kind of want to shake your husband. Really? REALLY??? You are being cut open so that the little person you have so kindly made to keep his genetic material moving into the future can be delivered safely into the world, and the sound is just way too tough for him?? I am sure you would love to skip the whole incision thing, too, but you don't really have a choice. I would tell my husband that you have gone through 40 weeks of morning sickness, aches and pains, hormone swings, sore boobs, and all kinds of leaking and poking and other discomfort and he can just suck it the F--- UP. That is pathetic. No way would I let him get away with that, come on. He needs to support you through the surgery, full stop. No whining, no fainting, no thinking it's icky, man up.

I get him not liking the cutting sound, not sure I could handle it. So why not have the doctor say we are going to make the cut, have your husband step out, step back in, problem solved. I think. I have never had one, seen one, so not sure how long the cuts take.

M.,

Why does it matter if your parents know about YOUR birth control options? Why is that ANY of their business?

As to your husband? Oh my word...please...give me a freaking break...tell him to step out when the cutting happens - the nurse will tell him when to get back in there - or better yet? EAR PLUGS!! I can't believe a "man" would want to possibly miss out on the birth of his child because he doesn't like a noise...what a freaking wuss.

No. I've NEVER had anyone in the labor room with me when I had my kids. Just my husband and the doctors and nurses.

Why do you feel the need to have others in there with you? Do you WANT others in there with you? If so - then ask in WHO YOU WANT...don't worry about what anyone "thinks" - it's YOUR delivery. YOU need to be comfortable...

and regarding your birth control? Nobody's business but yours..

Your hubby would seriously choose not to be in the room when his child enters the world because he "can't handle the sound"? I would tell him to man up.

Could he have earbuds in while the cutting is being done? Can he step into the room after the cutting is done?

Personally, I didn't want anyone else in the room with me so if your hubby isn't going to be in there, I would have no one in there...especially in your situation of not wanting others to know about your tubes.

I had two and my husband was in there for both. He can totally handle anything gross (thank God because it really comes in handy when the kids are sick!!), but I can't imagine not having him in there.

Can he step out when they do the initial cut or just stay behind the screen with you? I know my doctors were talking up a storm during my procedure, so I'm not sure he would have heard anything, I didn't.

And I don't think my mom would ever forgive me if I picked my MIL over her for the delivery room, but that's just my family dynamics.

Have him step out for the incision, then step back in. The last thing you need is for him to pass out.

And I kinda think people need to give him a tiny break - not everyone can handle that kind of stuff. It doesn't make him less of a man. Yes, I get that he "should" be there. But really - some husband's can't handle a natural child birth - a C-section is a surgery.

When I read "I can't handle the sound when they cut your flesh", I kinda felt for the guy - really. Reading that made me imagine it. You hear it one way, he hears his wife being cut open and I'm sure that taps into a lot of emotion.

So talk to your doc, tell him hubby's concerns, and work out a plan.

Ok, I got stuck at the issue concerning your parents & YOUR decision about tying YOUR tubes and YOUR decision to stop at 2 kids that YOU & YOUR husband have to raise. That alone seems like a bigger problem than who to choose to be in the room with you.

My suggestion, give hubby an iPod and some serious earphones. That way, he can hold your hand, look into your eyes, smile, and still give you the support you need and be there for the birth of his child.

Updated

Ok, I got stuck at the issue concerning your parents & YOUR decision about tying YOUR tubes and YOUR decision to stop at 2 kids that YOU & YOUR husband have to raise. That alone seems like a bigger problem than who to choose to be in the room with you.

My suggestion, give hubby an iPod and some serious earphones. That way, he can hold your hand, look into your eyes, smile, and still give you the support you need and be there for the birth of his child.

Hubby needs to MAN-UP and be in there!!! Sorry, not a choice! If you want your mom, just tell her you're getting your tubes tied. Or, ask the doc to have her step out while they "sew you up"--then she won't know. I think it would be creepy to have your dad in there since you're almost completely naked...just my opinion.

I can understand your hubby, My hubby gets sick very easily and could cause more issues in there. I would tell my mother and let her know. If she has issues with it, remember you are 34 and you are an adult. I am sure she will get over it and want to be there for you. If not, which i can understand also, I may just be in there by myself.

My husband was not in the room with me for either of my C-sections. The first was needed after several hours of labor. He was not emotionally strong enough to deal with me being cut open after the ordeal of seeing me in so much pain. He is extremely emphatic and he was already very drained. My mother was there with me, she's an OBGYN nurse. She was with me for both. If I had been getting my tubes tied at the same time, I would told her long before I was in the hospital. I know my mother wouldn't mind.

If you really want your mother in there with you, then tell her about the surgery NOW. Let her get upset now and get it out of the way.

I'd tell my husband to grow a spine.
"The sound when they cut your flesh"...are they using hedging shears to do it? WTH? He can pop in ear plugs and stay up by your head, then.

For the love of God.

And really, you're 34 yrs old and you're avoiding telling your mother about YOUR choice to tie your tubes?

Sorry...I just find a lot more wrong with this post then your actual issues at hand.

your poor old dh is getting lambasted. i would suggest the earplugs or stepping out to him, but if he's genuinely squicked out, he's not much use to you, is he?
a man has to know his limitations.
my next option would be to inform (firmly, not inviting questions or commentary) my parents of my birth control decisions, and if they receive it well, let them be there. but if they're squawking about things they have no business opining upon, they shouldn't be there either.
sometimes we're best off putting ourselves into kind, calm, professional hands and leaving derpy family out of it. a good doula could well solve all your problems.
good luck, sweetie, and congratulations!
:) khairete
S.

You can hire a doula to be in there with you and be your support. I have several friends that are doulas and they are great. They aren't just for a vaginal birth. They can really offer a lot of support when you find one.

Maybe your husband can have an ipod with some ear buds so he doesn't hear everything and take them out when his child is moments from being born?
There is nothing wrong if he finds it all to be too much. I don't think he needs to "man up". How ridiculous! Not everyone can handle things like that, no matter how much they love the person or why the reason for surgery. I don't think I could handle it myself. I could handle being in the room for a vaginal birth but I seriously don't think I could deal with a surgical delivery, don't care that it's the birth of a child.

Everything wild woman said could have come out of my mouth.

My first reaction was that I've had 2 c-sections, and if my husband said to me what your's said to you, I would tell to suck it up! What he is complaining about is NOTHING compared to 2 pregnancies and 2 c-sections with recoveries.

However ...

Do you think your doctor would be willing to ask you one last time right before they invite your mom into the room or ask in code? Maybe you could explain the situation to your doctor and ask for her discretion,

If my husband couldn't be with me, my mom would be my second choice.

I would have my husband with me until time for incision, then have him step out.
Would you really want your mom want to be there? If so, why are you scared to tell her about getting your tubes tied? I have TONS of friends that did that after #2.

I like Patricia's answer. Have him step out for the incision part, then come back in when they are removing your baby. And there should be a screen so he doesn't have to see anything.

I, frankly, don't recall hearing anything like flesh-cutting during my c-sections. Maybe it's because the doctors were having a fun conversation that I was trying to listen to.

Maybe your husband can come in after they cut you? Or wear earplugs? Doesn't he want to see your baby born? Any chance he will regret it?

Otherwise, I think I would choose my own mom over my MIL and I think any MIL would understand the choice. She may be jealous, but she would understand. I think you should just tell your mom about the procedure - it is your body and your choice. Explain to her your reasons for doing it and she will probably be more understanding than you think.

Have you considered ear plugs or noise canceling headphones for your husband? Seriously. If he is fine with the visuals, but the sound was his issue... eliminate the sound and boom... he's right there watching your child birthed. No worrying about parents knowing more than you are comfortable sharing, no worrying over jealousies between the mom/MIL.

I would insist that my husbnd be in there. Unless it were a true medical emergency, he has an obligation to be at my side while I am giving birth to his child. If I have to be there and get cut, the least he could do is sit/stand with me.

I was awake for my C-section, and neither of us heard a bunch of chopping and grinding. If that is your experience, give your husband some noise-cancelling headphones, and tell him to focus on YOU.

My husband was unable to be in the room for my first (emergency) C-section. He came in for the 2nd, and I was a bit worried, because he really gets pretty squeamish (he almost passed out, when I had a blood draw). I totally would have understood, if he wanted to forego the delivery room.

After my 2nd was born, it was going to take a while for my doc to sew me back up (and tie my tubes, while she was at it). My husband and I agreed beforehand that he would stay with the baby, so he wasn't there, for the lengthy after-party.

Perhaps you could invite your mom, but ask her to stay with the baby. . . just make sure your doc keeps it between you two, regarding the tubal.