Bullying in School - Los Angeles,CA

Go up to Miss PTA with a big smile and say, 'Hey! I just wanted to ask you if everything is OK with little Johnny, because he ripped up my daughter's sticker and is telling people not to vote for her..or at least that's what I heard, you know, crazy kids, maybe it's not even true, do you know anything about this?"

All nice.
See what happens. As long as you are cheery and giving the benefit of the doubt, you wont' cause problems by going behind her back.

Sounds like typical early political careers:)
I would go to the principal and alert him/her what's happening. The don't have to address this child directly but can address the school as a whole in that there is a code of conduct to be followed and that some clear violations have come to light.
Ironically, I just resigned from my schools PTA. We have actual bullies and bad mouthing moms at the helm. I decided to do for my own for the next 2 years when their term is up I'll go back! They are just missing tiaras .

I disagree with moms who say this wasn't bullying. I'm a school counselor (previously elementary school and now Jr. High) and I always define bullying to my students as "anything someone does to intentionally hurt you". I don't care if it happens once or a thousand times. Bullying encompasses all the mean things people to do to others to bring them down and get some sort of 'boost' for themself (of self-esteem, attention, laughs, power, what have you).

Otherwise they think of bullying in the classic sense (a kid who beats you up for your lunch money day after day) when it is so much more complex then that. Kids need to understand how common bullying is, and be aware that they may even find themselves acting a bully sometimes. It doesn't have to be some big serious scary thing--- it is something that happens often, and can be corrected, worked on, dealt with.

IMO, that was a bullying incident. But whatever, it doesn't matter what we label it; it was rude, he hurt your daughters feelings, it should be addressed.
Start with the teacher. If not, call the counselor (if they have one?). I would go to the principal as a last resort, no need to go to the top of ladder right away, ya'know. If the kids are in the same class, let teacher take care of it. Teachers usually tell this stuff to their principal anyway, to keep them in the loop, but they like to be given the chance to handle it. Especially if mom is known around campus, word will probably get back to the principal in the casual staff banter that goes around.

I always think about if the roles were reversed. If my own kid ripped up someone's campaign sticker on the playground, I would hope an adult would correct the behavior and give me the chance to address it at home. I hate the thought that my own kid could be doing some mean stuff at school and I would never know.

Not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill here but as a counselor I am sensitive to bullying incidents, and I am also the student council advisor, I know how much guts it takes for kids to put themselves out there like that and run for office!

and PS: Personally, I've seen a lot of PTA alpha-moms over the years whose kids are not the best-behaved! Not enough to generalize... but enough to "make you go hmmmm" ;)

OH, and may I remind everyone these kids are in THIRD GRADE> he is just plain being mean. Not "exercising his free speech" or "just expressing his personal opinion that she wouldn't be a good leader". Sure he is entitled to his opinions but I think we all agree that we want our kids to be kind on the playground. My daughter may think little Johnnie is a big fat jerk but the last thing I want her to do is announce it to everyone or tell others that's what she thinks and they shouldn't be his friend or something. I think the old rule applies, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY.... sure it is a "political election" but it is still elementary school folks.

While this is surely bad form, it's not really bullying.

Def reflects how REAL politics work, doesn't it?!

Certainly discuss your concerns with your child's teacher if you like. But more importantly, use it as an opportunity for your daughter to learn a new social skill, How To Deal With All The Big Dumb Jerks In The World!

:)

It does your daughter no favor to label this bullying. He thinks no one should vote for your daughter and made that clear. Did your daughter actually go into to this thinking everyone would be supportive of her but perhaps vote against her?

Use this as a teaching moment. Explain that not everyone is going to vote for her and clearly not campaign for her. Taking the high road will perhaps get her elected. Going to the school and trying to get that boy in trouble for having an opinion will most likely lose her votes.

I think a quick email to the teacher is all that is required at this point.
Your daughter is learning all about politics!! Use this as a teaching tool...
Don't take it out on Ms. PTA -- the kid might have been having a bad day and what he did may have had nothing to do -- in the end -- with your daughter. (As for Ms. PTA -- you can't judge your insides with her outsides... She may look like she thinks she's all that, but really -- she's probably pulled in too many directions trying to keep everyone happy....)
I have to stick up for PTA people because I was one of the few who volunteered for things and I know how hard it is...
Anyway -- just send the teacher an email and let her handle it.
LBC

Oh brother.
Third grade drama.
Don't get sucked in.
Don't let your daughter get sucked in.

"His mom thinks she is all that when she walks around".

Berating a classmate isn't nice, but are you really going to go to the principal or tell your daughter to shake it off and not worry about what another kid says?
I fear, perhaps, and sorry if I'm wrong, that you are more offended by this than your daughter. You're offended by Miss PTA Mom.
Your daughter sounds very smart and intelligent and willing to put herself out there. She needs to know it shouldn't affect her if someone is rude....it shouldn't stop her and it shouldn't shatter her world if someone else has bad manners.
As a mother myself, it seems your daughter needs to be more focused on herself and running for historian than moms possibly getting heated over the situation.

No offense and that is just my opinion.

Do what you need to do so that your daughter will never doubt you will always stand up for her. If that means confronting Ms PTA, talking to the principal, or you have to look Ms PTA in the eye, so be it. Don't doubt yourself no matter what you do. No one is going to look out for your kid in this world, other than you.

I'd rather stare down the enemy and open myself up to confrontation, than look into my own child's face knowing I didn't do what I needed to do to take care of him.

I must admit I am pretty pissed off when another kid picks on my little girl, but what I do is teach her that not everyone likes us and they don't have to and that is okay. That's how it works in the big world. Teach your daughter how to react to this as opposed to handling this for her.

Start with the teacher.
She should say someting to the class.
It could be that he likes her, it could be that he is a bully and I use that term loosely here. It sounds like he is jealous and thinks maybe your daughter gets everything and he nothing.
Or maybe mom told him not to run because she is on the PTA, so he is taking it out on your child.
I would start with the teacher.

Did your daughter actually see this behavior? Did you actually see this happen? Or did someone tell your daughter they saw this happen? That is the first thing they are going to ask.

Whoever actually saw this should have first told the teacher. Remember always start with the teacher. If you do not feel the teacher is handling the situation, THEN you speak with the Principal.

And yes, if your daughter saw this behavior, she needs to speak with the teacher. Let them handle this boy..

Be careful judging people.. I was PTA President and I am sure some people thought I thought I was all that, but they did not really know me personally. You do not want others to judge you or your daughter if they do not really know you .

S.:

This isn't bullying...not in my opinion...bullying goes on and on..this is one playground incident.

Welcome to the world of politics!!!

I like Amy J's suggestion - go to the "miss all that" and be as sweet as honey...

You can talk to the principal and to the teacher - what is your expected outcome? that they will apologize? No. they won't....and if the school forces them to? a forced apology is not an apology.

What do you want your daughter to walk away from this knowingor learning? That there are some people who use "in your face" tactics to state their opinion? That she can take the high road and show she is the right person for the job because she knows her stuff? or are you going to let her get detracted by the little folk?

GOOD LUCK!

I agree with others. This isn't bullying. For whatever reason, he doesn't like your daughter and feels she won't be good in that position and is sharing his opinion with others. And, unfortunately your daughter heard him voice his personal opinion in private conversation(s) with others. He's entitled to his feelings and opinions shared in "private" conversation with another.

Now if he's wielding an actual campaign (verbally or via internet) to destroy her good name, complete with horrible lies and rumors, physical threats of harm to those who may vote for her (extortion) or he is somehow physically and emotionally threatening her, that is a different story. It isn't bullying unless he is slandering her reputation with information that isn't true or threatening actions that will cause her emotional or physical harm.

Right now, it sounds like he's only voicing his opinion. While it may be upsetting to your daughter, she has to realize, not everyone is going to like her, have nice things to say about her, or necessarily will vote for her even if they do like her. This is a learning experience, and it sounds like your best bet is to explain to her that he's probably not the only one saying or doing this, and it isn't personal either.

While you feel this boy's mom thinks she's all that, and you are jumping to conclusions that somehow this is why this boy is telling others not to vote for your daughter, chances are your assumption is probably unlikely. But this of course is your personal opinion about both of them. Is your personal opinion of the mom and son any less valid than this boy's opinion? No. It's just how you feel based on what you know. Should you be punished or put on notice because you're upset because the boy clearly isn't going to vote for your daughter, or that you think his mom is a pill? Probably not, because that's your personal feelings and opinion. If you go to school officials because the boy has an opinion, whose really the bully? It isn't right to deny people their feelings and opinions. What would you be teaching your daughter then?

Turn the tables and view things from the kid's perspective. Maybe your daughter said or did something to him you are unaware of, and he's thinking she wouldn't be good in a leadership role. Maybe compared to the other person running for the same post, he thinks she's not a good candidate because the other person is a better student grade wise or cuter (if he has a crush). Bottomline, you have your feelings. They have theirs. Everyone is going to have one at the school who can vote, and their opinions, more likely than not, are going to be wide and varied. None are right or wrong. It's just opinion.

If your daughter is a very sensitive person, she probably shouldn't participate in activities like this at school. She should understand not a lot of true "political" analysis goes into contests like this which are tantamount to poularity contests. While schools always say these experiments teach civics, when it involves kids at this age, and academically they aren't anywhere near studying the true mechanics of the political process, activities like this amount to a popularity contest. And in popularity contests, opinions are shallow and someone always gets hurt. I think they're a waste of time. But that's MPO.

I would mention this to his mother. Don't let her walk influence you. Unless you've talked with her and know her you don't know what sort of person she actually is. Give her a chance.

I would also mention it to your daughter's teacher. Good time for a lesson in protocol during elections. In reality he does have the right to say don't vote for her. Free speech and all that. But destroying the sticker is perhaps a bit over the line.

don't start with the principal. (S)he doesn't manage the day to day happenings in the classroom and on the playground. And......how would you feel if someone went directly to your boss instead of first talking with you? Give the teacher a chance.

Bottom line: I don't think this is bullying. As you said this is the first year that 3rd graders campaign for office. They need to be taught how to handle the process.

Kids will be kids, some are nice and some are bad. His mom need to know how her son is behaving so that she can check him. But whenever Im having as problem like this I always tell the teacher first. If the teacher dont do anything, I go to the principal. If i still dont get any results then I handle the situation myself. I personally talk to the parent or the child.

My first thought when I read this was, 'he likes the little girl' - you know like, he really likes her, but like all grade school boys must prove that he doesn't like her at all. Remember, how we used to show our love by hitting? So, just food for thought on that.

HOWEVER, it doesn't make it right. He hurt your daughter's feelings and what he is doing is rude, not nice and yes, everyone in school should be taught how to be a good citizen. If this is the beginning of learning about politics and civics, then by all means, we shouldn't be allowing our children to learn that ripping up stickers is the way to voice your opinion. If he doesn't want her to be the historian though, perhaps their should be a forum for expressing his opinion. But, I think that's creating an adult resolution to a child's issue. The bottom line is that while he has the right to express his opinion, he (and others) should be taught that there is a right way and a wrong way (i.e. being hurtful and tearing up stickers).

I think asking the teacher if she could explain to the students again about the importance of being a good citizen and how to behave when it comes to school politics is a good idea and you wouldn't be going overboard.

I would talk to the teacher. And let your daughter know there are bad people out there that we have to learn how to deal with...but I'd take care of it at the same time. Absolutely unacceptable, and I bet his mom would be mortified if she knew what he did. Bad behavior in that little boy!

Likely the parent has talked to her child, just not in front of everyone.

Perhaps she was trying to get her child to run and her child doesn't want to so feels like acting out at those that do?

Perhaps it is that he has a crush? I know that boys that are that age don't know whatnto do when they like a girl (right now we are dealing with a little boy that keeps coming up to my daughter and hitting her then saying "your cute!" and running away.... I keep trying tontell her boys will just be weirder the older you get!)

I would talk to the principal and talk to the other mom, just in case... I wouldn't accuse her of anything, and I would couch it in the terms of asking for what would you do if this happened to your son?

Absolutely let the principal know. Be sure to follow up or ask that you are informed of the outcome. This is inexcusable behavior and vandalism on a low level...and like you said, it is bullying/mean. Ms. PTA may or may not do anything about it..not your concern. You just make sure that the proper authority at school is notified and takes care of it..

This isn't bullying unless he has been doing this kind of behaviour in an ongoing, targeting way. He's just being a little s#!t. Let the teacher/principal know so they can do the "how to behave" talks.

Yes, talk to the principal and the other mother. What you need to do now is talk to your daughter. She needs to know how to be confident and not to let other people hurt her feelings like this. She is young, but it is never too early to teach her that some kids are just mean. Talk to her every day about how her "campaign" is going and keep her positive about it!

I have learnt that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" is true! I've always been a "good mom" - in the sense of always being present at school meetings, being involved in the PTA etc etc. At first, when my kids were bullied, I simply told my kids to feel sorry for the bully as he / she was obviously unhappy and that's why they liked to make others unhappy. Unfortunately, being "diplomatic" doesn't help in a school setting! It was only after I'd finally had enough and fired off a really nasty letter to the headmaster that things finally improved for my kids! YES, Speak to the headmaster sooner rather than later and find out what he's going to do to remedy the situation. I ended up having a few sessions in the Headmaster's office in Primary School (regarding different incidents involving either my son or my daughter or both) and I recently had to fire off an angry email to the High School Headmaster too! The response was "thank you for letting me know, we'll ensure it doesn't happen again". Good luck! It DOES get better!