Bullying by Young Children...

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When I first started reading your post, I actually understood the "other side." My kids have family members who are 100 times more aggressive -- and my kids were always pushed around by the aggriesive child. I would sit and seeth that the parents never interceded with anything but, "Sweetheart, please play nice...Okay?" Did this type of ridiculous "soft parenting" EVER change this child's behavior...absolutely not!! Yet there was nothing I could do about it, since it was family.

However, half-way through your post I realized that your "friend" has some of her own serious issues. Child neglect?? Of course not! This seems like a potentially volital situation and I would absolutely keep my distance, if i were you.

Back to the issue at hand: Opinions on this subject seem to always be split. Yes, I think a 4 year old can bully, although the child does not necessarily know it at this age. But without parental intervention that actually changes the child's behavior, I think the child can build these aggressive behaviors into habit. ALL young children are going to fight in these ways at one time or another. So you are right -- this is totally normal. However, these are the "teachable moments" when we as parents can help model empathy and putting the needs of others in front of our own.

Sounds like the other mom is a bit nutso. What exactly did your little bullies do to make hers kids mad? I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe watch them a bit more to see if they are acting inappropriately, or if another mom says something look into it. Have any other parents said anything to you?

I work at a preschool and we have a four year old well on her way to becoming a bully. She has an older sister showing her all the ins and outs of being a bully. She was terrible at the beginning of the year but we stayed right on top of her and didn't let her get away with anything. We also spent a lot of circle time teaching about being nice and how it must feel to be on the receiving end of meanness. She is much better now and actually a good friend to all the other children. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by talking to your children and staying right on top of things. I think it is actually your "friend" doing the bullying. I'm guessing if you look back on your friendship you can probably find other instances of her treating you badly. Have you tried talking to her about this? Ask her what it is that makes her so upset. Also, ask her to come to you with problems...not post them all over facebook! She is using facebook as a way to bully you.
Good luck!!

from what I have read/heard bullying is also picking on someone for their percieved "differences"or as a result of prejudices (sp) that the child has against another "type" of child.
This sounds like typical (yes, I said it is normal) kids fighting and learning how to interact with one another. In what pristine world is it where people (no matter what age) don't fight, disagree and have arguments?!
This woman has gone off the deep end. It is no fun to watch your kiddo get hurt, but instead of pulling a 3 & 4 year old away, you put them together and TEACH them the way to interact and model it as well.
If she is posting on FB, defriend her and call it a day. Don't add fuel to this fire and simply walk away - with someone like this, you won't make any head way. When people ask you about it, just say you percieved things very differently. Leave it at that.
Hang in there! Takes all sorts:)

It sounds like you handled the original situation just fine. It also sounds like during the course of the next three weeks she probably thought back on it frequently and built it up in her head. Each time her little snowflake probably came out less and less like an equal participant. And when she talked to someone about the situation to see if her feelings were justified she was given reinforcement.

I think that aside from the apology you've already made, there's not going to be anything you can say to convince her otherwise. If you're going to be friends again it's going to have to come from her.

Edited to add: Please don't get involved in a Facebook war. They're childish and vicious and I know that you're better than that. Speaking with her face to face and having an adult conversation would be far more productive if you feel that you have to talk to her to try to work things out. Don't make it easy for her with a Facebook flame war because you'll come out looking like exactly the way she wants you to.

I would cut off all contact with this "friend" and block her on face book, what a loony toons!~!!!! No, a 3 year old can not be a bully, and I am sure her kids are just perfect all the time, right? You are better off with out that "friend" if you ask me.

Your friend is totally over reacting. Even the most grievous attack by a 4 year old couldn't be considered bullying. 4 year olds don't understand that. If an incident occurred, the culprit should be pulled aside and punished, if neccessary. That is how they learn. If it continued, you would just keep the offending child separated until they learned to play nicer. Your friend should not be bashing you or your family in public- that is horrible and she is old enough to know better.

2 quick things - this person is not a "friend". De-friend her on FB and be done with it. Second, keep an eye on your kids and their behavior around other kids. Make sure they treat other kids the way you want them to treated. If they get out of hand, discipline them.

I think you're doing just fine, and that it is your so-called "friend" who is over-reacting to the situation. I agree with the suggestion to take her off your facebook, and just be done with her. If she wants to be the immature one, let her, but don't stress over it. You've not neglected your children at all, and I think if anything, she has if her kid is being mean toward yours first.

It is possible to have a young bully. I have seen this.

I'd also say, though, that maybe you should just let this person go. If she's slamming you on facebook, perhaps it's time to 'consider the source'. Did she problem solve with you about this before posting on the internet equivalent of a billboard on the street? My guess is that if she's willing to throw you under the bus, if she'd *really* had a leg to stand on in her accusations, she would've reported it. She didn't. Actions speak louder than words.

You also weren't clear about what *did* happen. Bullying is usually when one child uses force, or threat of force, to coerce another child in some way. Sometimes this threat is after the fact-- "I hit you, don't tell, or I'll hit you worse"... that sort of thing. What I usually see at this age (esp. 4) is children becoming more directive and bossy, with the threats often being "I don't like you/won't be your friend any more if you won't play X my way/let me win/etc." There are some more extreme acting out behaviors, with some children, which infringe on the personal rights and safety of others. At this point, though, I always have to consider if these are 'attention-getting behaviors' in a bid for adult attention or authentic aggressive behavior toward another child. Sometimes one, sometimes both. Typically, we think of bullying as being covert, but it is sometimes overt. However, if you are teaching empathy, correcting misbehaviors in the moment (having the offending child check in with the hurt party, problem-solving, having the offending child take a break in a quiet place "until you are ready to be cooperative/safe with your body") and model this for them as well, you are on the right track.

Be glad your friendship with that woman is over; and if it wasn't then it was probably time for you to let this friendship go. I would not want her or her kids around my family.
And no, your kids should not be mean to other kids, so I think you are doing the right thing trying to teach them to be nice. All kids can be mean sometimes, they are kids, not angels. They all need guidance.