Bullying at Park with Siblings

Updated on June 25, 2012
J.L. asks from Brainerd, MN
7 answers

I was at the park the other day with my one year old and noticed a brother and sister walked over. They were old enough to be there alone, probably 15 and 10. The older brother obviously didn't want to be there. He said some pretty mean things to his sister. He said she looked stupid, had her own gravitational pull, was such a failure... I really try to mind my own business because I know there is so much more going on than some stranger's words can resolve. But my son is only one so I'm sure I'll run into situations like these more and more. I'm not a very tough lady and I'm not quick to think of something good to say that will make the person stop. I was bullied like this by my older brothers, no one spoke up for me, let alone some strange lady at the park. Looking back, I guess it would have been nice if someone had at least acknowledged that my brothers were being jerks. If I run into a situation like this what should I say to the bully? If the parents had heard it and didn't do anything, than I really don't think it's my place to say something.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I just wanted to add that I certainly understand that siblings don't get along all the time. I've seen it MANY times. "Bully" I felt was the best term to fit the situation. Also, I included the facts on a few things he said, not how truly demeaning he was. He was out to hurt her deeply. He got other kids to laugh at her too after he explained to them what the latest taunt was when they didn't understand. When I told a few friends about it, they all made me feel bad for not saying something. It IS hard for me to react normally to these situations because of my past. I'm not going to get into the details of that, but it followed the definition of abuse. So how do you decide if you should speak up? Would the little sister need to be crying? Would it have to get physical before you step in? Would it take your child being involved somehow before you step in? Where do you draw the line by what you see in public? Eek, this is opening up a can of worms :P

More Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

You stay the heck out of it, that isn't bullying. You are coloring your perception based on your past.

Lord have mercy! Mom made a 15 year old take his little sister to the park. Mom is stupid because that one is the clear outcome, the boy is taking out his frustration with the situation on his sister. The sister isn't innocent in this either. It is common sense, cause and effect. She pouts until mom forces the boy to take her, he picks on her the whole time. If she wanted to avoid being picked on she doesn't force her older brother to go to the park with her.

Heck she may even be going so far as to enjoy torturing her brother by making him go. Oh look mom loves me more, she is making you suffer for me.

You don't know. Stay out of it because that isn't sibling bullying. You probably weren't bullied either. Shame you didn't have multiple kids, as the parent you figure out this is normal behavior. You only see what your brothers did to you and not how you provoked them. I have never in my life seen sibs that actually hated each other.

After reading your what happened: Did you see the sister crying? Nope? Okay I know you have a young child so you haven't seen this yet but there will come a point where your child tries to manipulate you by crying. Total limb ripping off screams of injustice....yet with no tears. If you don't see tears the child tends not to actually be upset. There just isn't that many dehydrated children in the world.

Sorry but even with the extra information that girl was very much a participant in that dynamic.

Do you even get what happens if you intervene in that dynamic? I can only speak from a parent point of view because I never got in the middle of other people's kids. If you "protect" one that child uses it as a point to manipulate from. They learn to make sure you don't see their bad behavior and then can actually punish their sibling. That is how you get spoiled punk teens. They have never learned their behavior has consequences.

If anything I am hoping you get there is a heck of a lot to sibling dynamics and stay the heck out of it. It just isn't your place.

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

What you perceive as bullying is typical sibling relationships.

people overuse the word BULLY. Anytime something isn't "right" - the person is a BULLY.

My sister and brother would say things to me growing up. ESPECIALLY when my mom made them do something like take me to the park when they had "better things to do". So yeah - they'd say something mean to me. However - do you know what I did to them?!?!?! No. You are only seeing ONE side. ONE moment. You don't know what she said to him or their MOM BEFORE they left the house. OR BEFORE YOU SAW THEM. She could be getting as good as she gives. YOU DO NOT KNOW.

Best bet? Stay out of it. If it gets violent. Call the police.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You did the right thing...saying something, esp when there with your one year old, would not have been a safe thing to do. In this day and age many kids that age do not respect adults and so you ran a good chance of him verbally insulting you as well. I am one to speak my mind but on this occasion I would have butted out too. What I might have done if I had the opportunity would have been to try to catch the girl alone and ask her if she was ok and assure her that she is none of the things her brother called her.

1 mom found this helpful

J.O.

answers from Boise on

This is one of those grey area's. They are siblings and, well, siblings aren't always very nice to each other.

Saying something might have at least toned it down a little. I remember one time I was out shopping with my 4 older ones, they were at each others throats all day long. I had gotten to the point where I was just staying out of it cause I honestly think my trying to referee was making it worse. We were in a store and I asked to of them to go grab something I forgot. I was headed back to where they where when I saw this lady talking to them. I stayed back cause they seemed to be listening to what she was saying.

When they saw me they came over and I asked them what it was about. It turns out that she had heard them arguing and could not let it go. So she talked to them about it. It worked for a few days, then they went right back to fighting, but hey it gave me a break lol

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K..

answers from Phoenix on

This is what happens when parents force kids to be responsible for siblings, especially at that age. A 15 year old boy doesn't want to go to the park with his significantly younger sister, he wants to be with his friends. 10 & 15 are worlds apart. I'm betting he gets stuck babysitting her a lot & if so, he's probably very resentful, which results in him treating her poorly. Honestly, I find the parents to be mostly at fault in the scenario, even though he's old enough to know better.

As far as saying something, it's hard to know with teens that age because you don't know what you're going to get. I think I would've had a hard time not saying something, personally. If you're questioning it, then it sounds like you do think you should've said something.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

I usually say something like "hey now, that isn't nice" I also aim to let the bullied child know that they didn't do anything wrong, it is a reflection of who the bully is, not her. If you can talk with the girl you could tell her about how your brothers did that to you growing up and as you grew you knew it wasn't who you were but who they are and knowing that has helped you be closer to them as adults, if you are. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has gone through something gives strength and support. Seeing you as an adult and living through it and having a good life with a baby would probably do more for her then any words you can say to her brother.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I disagree. I think it is your place. At the very least you could say, "Hey! Don't talk to her like that." Or, you could add more. Bullying is bullying, even if it's your sister, and even if your parents are ignoring it. Someone should stand up for the girl.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions