Bullies and What You Think.

My daughter in 6th grade is going through this now. I see a HUGE difference in the amount of the taunting and the cruelty of the bullying compared to when I was teased 30 years ago. I think anything repeatedly said maliciously with the intent to scar and hurt should be considered bullying. The kids in my daughter's class call her "it" and say she is too ugly to deserve a name. The teacher and the principal know and profess to have a no tolerance policy but the fact is kids are sneaky and will deny until they are blue in the face. I try to keep abreast of her school goings-on and step in when I feel she needs me to. Otherwise, I build her up at home and tell her bullying stems from jealousy. Having a good sense of self doesn't stop the pain of bullying but it does help kids not to define themselves by it.

i believe that any type of negative things towards your child is bullying. My oldest is currently dealing with both mental and physical at school and I have found that, having gone through it myself, that staying in constant contact with your child and his teachers really helps to get ahead of what could become a very big problem. I still remember not havign that type of reinforcment or help when i was bullied and to this day have not gotten over a few situations that i got into.

All of those are forms of bullying. The individuals can be reported to teachers or law enforcement, but I believe the most important thing is to teach our children how to deal with it. No matter what you look like, what you have or don't have or what you do or don't do, someone will always have something to say about it.

We have to teach our children self esteem and to love themselves. We must equip them to be leaders and not followers and form coalitions with others being bullied and stand up against them together. We must teach them that the bullies are the ones with the problem, they are insecure or unhappy and misery loves company.

Maybe if the parents of the bullies teach them these same things, they won't feel the need to put others down. . .

This is again a hot topic because of a recent suicide in South Hadley, MA. The bullies have been expelled, but it is too late for the girl and her family & friends. If your school has a comprehensive anti-bullying program, get in touch with the principal today. If it does not have a program, get in touch with the principal today. If you don't get anywhere, call the superintendent and get some other parents to go to the School Committee meeting about it. You have to make a lot of noise about this issue - and it will also show your child how to stand up and fight back. When I was teaching, we instituted a program - there are many out there. We listed behaviors and asked the kids what they thought about these things - which were okay, which were not. Then, we turned the next page on the flip chart and labeled these behaviors for what they are - bullying. Pretty eye-opening for them. There are many good programs out there so the school should be on top of things, but if they aren't, you need to demand it. Yes, gossip is bullying. It's not what we used to call it, which was just the boys fighting on the playground and stealing lunch money. As another poster already wrote, it has expanded beyond that. Anything that diminishes another person, based on what they say or how they act or how they look, anything that is designed to separate from physically or emotionally from the group, is bullying. It is always started by someone who doesn't feel good about themselves - they can only elevate themselves by trashing someone else. So you are wise to raise the question and to take action. The thing the victim needs most is someone on their side. Bullies usually act in a group, and victims survive in a group. The victim needs to understand mob mentality, to see that the bully is not someone whose "friendship" you aspire to attain, and to find friendship with a group of others.

In my opinion, bullying is any behavior that is physically or emotionally is intended to harm another person. The behavior is done out of anger, fear, jealousy, spite, or any other negative emotion. Sometimes bullies have absolutely no clue that they are bullying--it's just in their genes or how they were raised. Some actually enjoy it because it makes them feel self-important and powerful; it gives them an adrenalin rush. Bullying, and this is just my opinion from what I've witnessed throughout my life, is usually connected to an insecurity one has which can be attributed to an anti-social personality disorders such as narcissitic, borderline, histronic, sociopathic, schizophrenic, or bi-polar, to name some. There are other reasons as well of course. If you have a child who is being physically bullied, one thing I suggest and I've seen this work for some friends I have, is to learn a martial art to fight back to kick a@@.

M.

Bullying has morphed over the years!! There have always been the boys fighting boys and girl's cliques. However, it's all getting out of control. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. Who do I worry about the most? THE GIRLS!! I was so tormented growing up in jr. high and high school. I have to admit to some serious self-esteem issues. I do NOT want that for my girls, so I've done research and found a fabulous book called, "Odd Girl Out". It explains girl bullying and the ways girls hurt each other through words and exclusion. I wish every girl's parent out there would read it so they can help their daughters through adolescence. Yes, gossip can be a form of bullying. Absolutely. The book explains it.
My oldest is 11, so we haven't really gotten to cyber bullying, yet. I know it exists, because a good family friend of mine has gone through it. She's a senior in high school, now, and has basically loathed her high school days. She can't wait to get out.
What I am doing, and plan to do in the future, is keep the lines of communication open. I make sure my kids know they can always talk to me and I will listen. I have to prepare myself for what I will be willing to do and what I will have to do to protect them and keep them from sinking into depression or worse. For example, will I be willing to home school if I need to? Even though I may burn bridges with friends, am I willing to confront them about how their child is treating my child? (I am a very non-confrontational person, so this is kind of a big deal to me). I know from personal experience and from what I have seen of people close to me that bullying can be detrimental. Have we not learned anything from the suicides taken place due to bullying? What about Columbine? Would those boys have done what they did if they WEREN'T picked on every day?!?
Unfortunately, there aren't many ways to stop it. I think it's more about how you teach your child to deal with it. If it gets to the point where there's physical contact or the child is showing signs of depression, outside intervention is a must. Many times, going to the school or to the parents of the bully makes things worse. Speaking with your child and coming up with a plan is the first step. You can tell your kids to ignore the bullies until you are blue in the face, but it's so not that easy. I wish it were. There has to be a specific plan. "When so-and-so says this to me, I will.........." "When so-and-so does this to me, I will.........." Role play. Help your child try to anticipate the issues that may arise and come up with a come-back (something that will let the kid know they aren't going to get the response they were looking for.) Unfortunately, my friend's daughter could pretty much guess exactly what was going to happen the next day at school after she got awarded a special honor to cheer for the Capital One Bowl game. Or, when she broke up with a boyfriend, she knew the next day was going to entail a lot of whispering and rumors as to why. Nasty, nasty things are said. She also got some texts that she showed to her dad. He took them to the school and the school did......nothing.
This post got really long.....sorry. This is an issue I have spent a lot of time thinking about, so I guess I have a lot to say. LOL!
I hope you get a lot of responses!! Good luck!

Agreed -- it's a terrible, serious problem. The thing that can be so tricky about bullying is that kids experience behaviors so differently. I have one son who can give and take trash talk with his group of friends and they're all being silly. But maybe some of them secretly see it as bullying or feel hurt. I have another son who is crushed by the smallest slight. Both of my kids have been picked on/bullied. But for all I know, they've said things that unintentionally hurt somebody. For us, so far, the best thng has been for the parents to talk to each other about what's going on (as far as we know). And it's also good that the kids know we talk...

It isn't a funny question. I agree with previous posters, and think part of it comes from these stupid teenie shows where the "in-kid" makes "funny" remarks about and to other kids. Kids think this is ok, as it helps them be seen as cool by their peers. Just sit and watch any of these shows, and it will make you cringe.
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