Brothers Girlfriend I Am at a Loss..

Just be honest and up front and tell him, truthfully but tactfully, how you feel. You do not have to call names but you do have to name facts.

What a hard situation. Honestly though, it sounds like your brother needs some tough love. Tell him how you feel, and that you are not comfortable with her presence in your home, and with her kids being associated with yours.

I understand where you are coming from. Its not because of her old job, its because of the way she acts and her children etc.

Be honest with your brother. It might be the only way. And maybe he needs this wake up call. It might hurt him at first but he will come around again.

I would meet them somewhere else and not at your home. I would flat-out tell your brother that neither you nor your son have an interest in befriending this kid straight out of juvie. Just because the kids are the same age doesn't mean they'll be friends. You can say, "I don't know how to say this but..." Friends of DH didn't know how to tell him his first wife was terrible, but he's glad that someone finally spoke up. It reinforced how he felt, but didn't know what to do.

Your brother is an adult and therefore is free to make his own choices, however bad they may be. Some people will only learn the hard way. You have every right to protect your home and your children. I would just be honest with him, something along the lines of, "I really love you and I love spending time together, but unfortunately your girlfriend and her kids make me really uneasy from they way they act and behave, and I am not comfortable having them over here or having my kids around them." He might get angry, defensive, whatever - you can't be responsible for his feelings, only for your kids and your home. You can say, I'm sorry, that's just how I feel, and leave it at that. Then hope and pray that he eventually sees the light. Maybe being honest with him will be a bit of the wake-up call that he obviously needs. Or maybe she is looking to turn her life around, starting with the choice to be with your brother. Only time will tell. But until then, you would be smart to keep your distance and keep them at arm's length.

love is blind,
and not real bright, either.
let him deal with her and her kids, if and when she is caught huffing in your brothers bathroom, you can say i told you so. but in the meantime, if you dont want her or her kids in your house , say so
K. h.

Be blunt dont sugar coat it. You have the choice of who want as friends for you and your family. It may cause a rift but if you only see eachother holidays and such dont sweat it. But be specific this is why XYZ and stand your ground. I agree with the tough love answer. If in 5 years hes still with her and she is differant then maybe try then but for what you described I keep her out of your families life. good luck

Hi,

I won't get into the whole job thing or whats wrong with her in your eyes etc. What I will say is that if you are not comfortable with her or her kids, tell your brother that you would like it to be just him when he visits. Tell him you aren't comfortable with her and need any contact with him to be without her. GL!

M

I am going to break with the herd here and encourage you to have a conversation with your brother rather than preparing a monologue. Ask him a lot of questions about how he sees your brother/sister relationship, where he sees his relationship with the girlfriend going, what he is hoping to accomplish.... based on his responses, you may or may not have to make a big issue. Talk to him. give him an opportunity to man up and be considerate of his sister. Try to keep your judgement of her to a minimum. Simply stating you'd be more comfortable meeting with them elsewhere or limiting your children's exposure to her children for now would be appreciated.

You don't. Just let her know that you gave up "girls night out" long ago. Instead of having dinner at your home, if they want to get together, go to a local pizza or hamberger joint and depending on your kid's ages, go bowling or miniature golfing.

Don't shut your brother out and try to give this woman and her children the benefit of the doubt. She will either show you she truly cares for your brother or eventually show another side.

Blessings....

Don't have them over. Meet them out. Say no to the next few meetings and go back to seeing him rarely. Be polite and nothing more. Don't bring your kids around when you meet them. If he "gets it" and asks you why, just be kind but honest. I have told my brother I didn't care to spend time with some of his girlfriends. I don't bother insulting them, I'm just not available. He may be disappointed, but you don't have to spend your time with her. This will keep you out of the awkward, "We should do girl's night" thing. She knows you guys have nothing in common and probably does want something from you, even if it's just a little security and friendship for her kids, but you are right to be cautious.

In this case, honesty is the best policy. Maybe you'll help him see what he can't see for himself. If not, it's his loss. You said you're not terribly close, so it shouldn't be too hard to kind of cut ties for awhile until he figures out that this woman and her terrible kids are not for him.

Tread lightly. I was extremely close to my brother and almost lost his relationship over his crazy ex girlfriend (and I was nice). I would say, be honest, don't let her in your home if your not comfortable with that and communicate directly with your brother. Just put yourself in his shoes and be very sensitive. It's not your place to judge his decisions but it's perfectly ok to limit her in your home. You don't have to be friends with her or her kids but try to be respectful to her. People do change...

The bottom line is:
You do what is best for YOUR kids.
Don't be, pressured into it and be in her life.

You tell your Brother.
That is his life.
NOT yours.
NOT yours.

As a Mom, we all protect our kids and try to keep them out of harmful/Toxic situations and relations. Not caving in... just out of guilt or pressure.

Your Brother... will either learn or not... about making bad choices in women.
He is a sucker or not.
That is his life.
If his life, deteriorates and he becomes a druggie too... then well, that is sad. And as his sister... I would talk to him. Even if he is an adult and that is his life. You can, tell him your opinion. Without telling him what to do.
That is what, family is.
IF you see a "TRAIN-WRECK" about to happen... do you tell your family member or just let it happen?
Sometimes, a relative does not know. Or once the train-wreck does happen... then they wonder why NO ONE told them, until they got burned. I know a family member like that.

Bottom line: you protect your house and home and your children. And YOU decide, what "influences" are in their life, or not.
That is what I would, do.
YOU are your kids', parent. And their advocate.

Also, if your Brother continues to be with this woman.... then he needs to be prepared... for His friends, shying away from him too... or not wanting to be his friend. Because, she is there too. And he may, by reason of association... get 'pegged' as being a real noxious person too.

As they say: you can sometimes tell a lot about a person, by the Spouse/partner they have and choose.

You TELL your Brother, you do not want his Girlfriend around you home, in your home NOR, with your son. NOR her kids, with your son. AND never alone. At all.
That is just plain, reality.
He better get used to it... because, his Girlfriend, is and has a BAD track record. Which speaks for itself.

And, I HOPE he does not get her pregnant. Or that she get herself pregnant. I mean, the girl has FOUR other kids, by THREE different men.
NOT a good.... thing.
Does he really want that kind of girl... and to be a "Dad" to all of them?? Or to be their meal-ticket?????

.

As hard as it is, you need to keep it all inside (until she actually does something). My brother was dating the most awful woman, and I never said a word. Even so, we still don't speak now as a result of her. I never once said anything, but she could sense I didn't like her (although she clearly didn't like me), and she pulled him away from me and most of my family. If you want to keep your brother in your life, you have to bite the bullet and put up with this woman until he (hopefully!) figures out there's someone better out there for him.

i know it's not your responsibility, nor is it mine, but you are in the same position as i am. my nephew is....exactly how you describe your brothers gf kids. and it's hard but at least we, my husband and myself, as well as you, can set an example. his, and these kids upbringing, is through no fault of their own and it would be shameful for us to hold it against these children. they deserve love too. and deserve to feel loved. huge responsibility and not yours (or mine), but they are children and, depending on their ages, this could be a critical time in their development.
as for the mother, there are lots of programs to help her out and i'm not just talking about medicaid and food assistance programs. I'm thinking about a, mamapedia with it's wealth of knowledge from all the fabulous mothers, b, MOPS, mothers of preschoolers, where they have weekly (?) programs to help mothers with things we struggle with, C, Nurturing parenting program in which she could learn to be, not only a better mother but a better person as well. there are a number of other options but you would have to look to see whats available in your area.
I struggle not to be judgemental but I will remind you as much as i have to remind myself....I have no idea of the trials and sufferings someone else has had to endure. i certainly don't like it when someone judges me before they know me or my story. perhaps this woman wants to be better, be good, for your brother and she has no idea how to go about doing that.
until your comfortable with her in your home, and i'm saying this because i certainly don't want people i don't trust in my house, suggest to your brother that you get together at his house, or like a buffet style restaurant, or the park, or some other neutral area, you get the idea. I hope this helped, good luck