Brother's Fighting

Updated on February 22, 2007
A.S. asks from Rhome, TX
5 answers

My 3yo. is constantly fighting with his twin 22month old brothers. He won't go near them, and if they go near him he either cries or hits them. And now that they see how it bothers him they have started to di it on purpose. I have tried sitting down with him and talking to him, explaining that they are his brothers and that he is supposed to be nice and love them, but that did not work. He will share everything with his older brother and even his 5mth old lil' sister, but not the twins. I don't know what to do with these three. If you have any suggestions, please lay them on me.
A.

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So What Happened?

So far they are getting along for about 1 hour a day, I put them in a room together for leggo time, they fight a little bit but for the most part it's pretty good. They still get on each others nerves the rest of the day, but hopefully leggo time will help them like each other more, or at least tolorate one another. Thank you everyone for the advice, I'll keep you updated.

More Answers

D.G.

answers from Houston on

Check out Siblings without Rivalry. http://www.fabermazlish.com/normal.htm
Also, my daughter's pre-school, Discovery School, in North Richland Hills, will be teaching that class in March. Let me know if you're interested & I'll get you more info.

D.

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

I do not have any advice for you. But I do sympathize and know what you are going thru. My oldest is five and I am expecting number five in June. My middle two are almost 14months apart.

I know how you feel.

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P.P.

answers from Dallas on

Ok. I think your 3 year old little guy needs his space. Make a special place for him where the twins cannot invade his space and create other opportunities for them to share all together as a family. The fact your twins are bothering him on purpose maes me think that they get away with it? I know they are younger but don't let them bully big brother.
I'm sorry this post hit a nerve with me since my youngest sister terrorize me when I was little and she was always got away with it because she was "little".
I know we would love for our kids to be nice, gentle with each other and share all the time, but if you take a look back at everyone's childhood, there's always screaming, hitting etc.
I hope this helps and my heart goes to your little 3 year old.

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K.Y.

answers from Dallas on

A....I can definitely sympathize with you...and it's been a few years since mine were all small. Right after my oldest daugher turned 6 I had twin girls, which completed our group of five children. Mine is just the opposite of yours though...4 girls and 1 boy. My boy has always felt it was his job to annoy, pester, and basically do anything he could to get his sisters to scream. We tried various punishments and so-called strategies throughout the years...tried to make him feel like he's their protector...which if you can get it to work, is wonderful...I wish I could say things had changed, but even now that they are all teenagers, he still is the same way. We still get after him all the time about bugging them...but you know what...even amidst all the yelling, I can tell he genuinely loves his sisters and likes hanging around them, because there are times that they're all just in there sitting on the bed having discussions about different things and I can hear them all laughing...which makes me realize that at some point kids do realize that they really do love each other. When kids are so close together in age I think it's only natural that some of this is going to go on, but I think if you just keep emphasizing over and over and over how blessed they all are that they have each other to play with, and try to do some activities, with these three together, that each one of them really enjoy...I don't know, there's something about having fun with each other that kind of breaks that tension...they start associating having fun with being with their siblings instead of just associating them with unpleasant things. Anyway...keep encouraging all of them to love each other because...like it says in the Bible...love covers over a lot of stuff. And I do agree with the other mom that you need to keep a watch on when they're doing things deliberately, because they don't need to get away with stuff. I used to think we had goofed up having kids so close together, but I'm really glad we did, now that they are older, because they are all really close and I think it's going to carry over into their adult lives. Hang in there!

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N.P.

answers from Dallas on

I read a great book called "Siblings without rivalry". It would be very helpful in your situation. N.

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