Brother Is Obese

Do you live near him? Perhaps you can ask him to join you for some kind of activity once a week. Tell him you need someone to jog with or do something with. You can say, my husband won't go play racketball with me, can you join me? Sometimes people just need a reason to do something. If you live close you could go to there house and take a walk with him and his daughter every other day or talk to him about what kinds of meals he is cooking???

Kari-
I am your fat brother.
He already knows he is fat ,he already knows he is unhealthy, he already knows that you are concerned, he already knows that he breathes heavy and can't do what he used to do.
He doesn't need to hear it from you. That just makes him feel worse. If he comes to you and says, "help me" then you can give him some ideas. If he doesn't come to you then he is not looking for you to butt into his life.
He has chosen to be fat and live the way he is living.
I am the eldest of 5 children. I only have brothers. NEVER has ANYONE come to me and told me I was fat (at least, never my family). NEVER has my husband told me I was fat. But I was (still am) and I needed to make the decision to change my life for me. No one else needed to come up to me and let me know that I was morbidly obese.
When I figured it out, on my own, I made the decision to change my life. Not because of twhat people told me, but because I needed to get to that decision on my own.
If your brother gets to that decision, GREAT, if not..you are not in the position to say anything.
Sorry if it sounds blunt or rude,
L.
(by the way, I have lost 95 lbs since last June...if your brother wants it he will do it!)

This is just my opinion and some may disagree with me, but I don't think you should do anything or say anything more about it unless he wants to talk about it. I know you love your brother but he has to want to change. Food probably has been a consulting mechanism for him, so when he gets upset he probably turns to it more, so by constantly telling him he needs to lose weight, he'll gain more instead. Just let him know the door is always open and you are there for him.
God Bless!

We have a similar situation with my brother, who weighs close to 450 pounds. I've tried helping him diet, would go walk and "jog" with him, and try to cook him healthy meals. Even with us discussing it with him, unfortunately nothing works. I would express your concern for him out of love, but unless he wants to change, nothing will.

Kari,

Your brother is a grown adult. He must make his own choices about his lifestyle and health. You may have the best of intentions, but nagging him about his weight is likely to only make him more stubborn about not facing up to the situation. Clearly, your input over the years has not been effective. Great that you let him know that you are concerned for him, but now you need to mind your own business and health and stop trying to run your brother's life.

S.

Kari,
If you have a good relationship with his spouse it would be good for you to talk to her as well. Try to explain to them the importance of their health now that they have a baby and if anything happens to them how that baby would feel. The risk of a heart attack is higher in obese people and you don't want that to happen to them. You can have this talk with them only if you have a good and close relationship with both of them. Maybe they are so embarrassed of their weight that it may be the reason they don't talk about it.
If you don't have that kind of relationship with them, see if anyone else in the family does and is willing to talk to them. If not, the only thing I can tell you to do and you can do this with our without their approval is pray for them. Pray that God sends the right person to their lives to help them with this, pray that they open their eyes and realize and admit they need help, pray that they be willing to seek for help. Girl just pray! pray God's will over their lives. Pray.
I'll keep them in my prayers.
I.

Can you take some family photos and post them? Maybe if he can see himself (this is what is helping me), then he will see the change in his body. He should not expect to be the weight and shape he was in high school, but he should want to be around long enough to see his daughter graduate high school.
Hope this helps
Good luck- just remember encouragement, gentle, and sincere.
-E. M

I have to say no one wants to hear they are fat...take it from me! I used to be very big and very heavy, but I had a different mind set. I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to be skinny to fit in to live better to get a boyfriend! As for my family they are all really big including my brother that played football and is a golden gloves boxer...my whole family including my self all have fought in boxing and lost weight and gained weight but now not my brother, sister or dad do it anymore...their weights tip the scales to unhealthy number and when I tried to talk to my sister she didn't want to hear because she already knew. You can't make someone lose the weight if they don't want to it isn't right nor is it healthy to them and will ruin your relationship with them because we get enough looks and laughs from other people that we like to come home and feel like no matter what I look like I am loved! I know you are worried about him and I would be too but all you can do like someone else suggested is try and get them out more...no matter what anyone thinks weight does not keep you from getting a job it keeps you from getting out there to find one, I had gastric bypass in 06 and I was 18 years old 330 lbs. but no matter what the shows show you like that big family on TLC...we don't get mad because we didn't get the meat and have to eat healthy there are many people that are over weight and very athletic...such as myself I am a female boxer and I was at 330lbs. I rope jumped like a pro. and kept and surpassed the guys at training because I wanted to lose the weight. I would recommend the surgery...but no matter what anyone thinks...it is def. not an easy way out it will change your life completely good and bad...you will lose weight but you also have your body changing and depression from being hungry because you body is full but your mind is still FAT...I could go on this subject forever...and as for his wife...they are content she doesn't tell him to lose weight and he doesn't tell her so they will cont. to gain weight until one of them decides to go on a diet and the other will follow....my sister was 165 lbs. and moved in with her boyfriend and he never said anything about her weight...now she is at least 350 lbs and he is too it is just called comfort and it doesn't help. Don't bring it up so much because he will start to not want to be around I know your worried but all you can do is support and hope one day he will get that mind set!

Kari-

This is a tough situation. If you know his height and weight, you can do an easy BMI calculation to get his BMI (body mass index)
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

My husband is clinically obese according to this calculator.

There really isn't anything you can do, unfortunately. Despite selling insulin for 4 years and other diabetes medications for the next 4, my mother (who has type 2 diabetes) is an awful patient. She just doesn't care and won't do anything to improve her health.

I think the advice you received from Liz S was good - if you're close by, ask him to go on walks with you and their baby. See if they'd like to come over to dinner (make something really good and healthy).

You can throw statistics at people all day. Chances are, he does have type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease. 1/3 children born in the US today will have type 2 diabetes. It takes an incredible inner strength to actually implement the changes needed to really reverse your fate.

And, from how you discuss his situation, I'd venture to say he's clinically depressed which only compounds the problem further.

Good luck. My only other advice: let him know how much he means to you. It's amazing how far that can go.

I would suggest (if you have a good relationship with her) that you talk to your SIL about your concerns. Ask her when was the last time he had a complete physical? Encourage her to make an appointment for him. If he hears the info from a doc, he may take more notice. He may be at risk for HBP. They probably BOTH could benefit from a physical.
I think guys--especially if they are big booming guys and have been athletic in the past, delude themselves into thinking they're a "good" kind of big, as opposed to a "bad" big.
Otherwise I don't think there's a lot you can do except talk to him and express your concern and let him know that his daughter's life will suffer without him.

If he won't do it for himself, you or his wife, what about his daughter. You say he takes care of her correct? What if she was running through the house with a knife she quickly grabbed? Is he able to catch her and keep her safe? What if they are outside and she darts for the street, can he catch her before it's too late? So who is he hurting here?

Do you work? Do you have kids? Can you ever get him and your Niece to go to the park or somewhere with you to play? Just you guys, no wife? You should know his "buttons" you're his sister. Start talking about the time he played football and baseball, wouldn't it be great to play softball? I have two sons, one is 30 the other is 34 and they both play softball, the oldest one has 2 kids of his own and helps coach them in sports. My Granddaughter is awesome in soccer, what is his daughter going to want to play? Will he be around to help her? Or die of a heart attack?

I think, if you can't get him out with his little girl, then maybe you need to do two things, one - if you have a decent relationship with his wife, talk to her.....explain your concern for his life. 2- you two go out just a brother/sister thing and really talk to him about how and why you feel the way you do. How much you love him, how much you want him to be around for you and his family.

You might be able to do an intervention, if your other family members feel the same. Get some facts together to show him what a man of his age and height should weigh, then ask him how "little" over is he? Show him the chances of heart attacks. Offer to walk with him, run with him, whatever you can do to get him to start moving......before it's too late.

You're a great sister. Hang in there, he's lucky to have someone who loves him like you do.
Take care.

Unfortunately, as your brother is an adult, I think you have to let it drop. One cannot live in our society and not be aware of the detriments of obesity as well as its prevelance. When he wants to do something about it, he will. Until then, anything you try to do will likely hurt your relationship with him.