Bridal Showers

don't let it annoy you. Take it at face value without assigning a sinister motive. You have been invited. That's all. That is a nice thing to do. You are not obligated to go or to send anything.

The bride may have nothing to do with it. My niece is getting married and her hostesses have reached out to me to get names and addresses of people to invite. What do I know? lol The list I provide, may have people on it that I think would be offended if not invited. But, I'm of the mindset of don't leave anyone out, not invite them so they will send a gift.

I would probably just rsvp no, and wish them a hearty congratulations. You're NEVER obligated to buy a gift just because you're invited to a party :)

I would just decline.

She probably got your name from your Cousin. My Mom's generation would invite EVERY blood relative to something like this because that's how they did it back then. Sort of like graduation announcements.

Just prepare yourself that chances are good that you will also be receiving a wedding invite.

It is customary to invite EVERY female that is being invited to the wedding to the shower. I know times have changed and most people no longer follow that custom however most do invite the entire family including cousins regardless of the relationship.

Keep in mind the bride is NOT sending out invites to her own shower. Most likely her maid of honor is throwing the shower for her and is using the wedding invite list as a guide.

I would not be offended or feel like is just for the gift. How would anyone in the bride's family/friends know that you and your cousin are not close? They were trying to include you so as not to offend you by excluding you.

I would RSVP my regrets at not being able to make it. There is no need to send a shower gift if you are not going to attend unless you otherwise feel compelled to.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Sometimes distant family members extend an olive branch. I love going to see family I havent met or seen in years. Maybe they just want to meet you. I would not be offended. Our family recently did this, we invited all of the cousins to a baby shower. Lots of them we have not even met yet....and they came!!! It was so awesome. They told us they have wanted to be close to us their whole life and that her mom would have loved it. All we did was extend the olive branch and now they come to everything and we all go to their things. Just a thought.

Sometimes people are just being nice and inviting even though they know you cannot come. Your cousins mom probably gave the person giving the shower your address, so they sent you an invite.

My husbands family didn't attend ANY of my showers, not even his mother. I still gave their address to my maid of honor so that they could get invites to know that I wanted to include them. I knew they wouldn't come but sometimes it's out of politeness not greed!

Do you always think the worst of people?

It is kind of sad that our minds jump to gift grabbing. That is not meant as an insult, I did the same thing. It is just what if they are just so crazy happy that they want to include everyone they can? What if they are inviting someone from the same area and didn't want to leave you out lest you find out.

Sure more likely than not they are buying lottery tickets for 45 cents a pop to see which ones will pay off but who knows.

The etiquette is simple, give what you want, ignore it if that is what you want to do.

These days it seems as if the person giving the shower (not the bride!) invites anyone and everyone who is on the list given to her. So the hostess may not know that you don't know the bride. And sometimes *all* those who are invited to the wedding are also invited to showers, rather than just close family and friends.

You are not required to attend or to send a gift. If you'd like to be gracious, send a note or e-mail declining the invitation but wishing the best for the shower - and for the wedding if you're not attending.

I know it's odd to receive and invite when you've never met the bride, but you don't know who made the list up. If the bride's friends or family are throwing this shower, they may just have taken the list of who is invited to the wedding and sent invites to all or most, or maybe her family is in the habit of inviting all family members even more distant cousins to these events. They may have been told that you're a cousin on the groom's side but don't know that there isn't a close relationship. You are not required to send a gift if you are not attending the shower, so don't feel obligated to.

Don't be offended. Could it be plea for a gift? Sure. It might not be though. Sometimes when we have parties we invite people we know probably won't come, simply because sometimes people are thinking of coming into town sometime over the summer, and if they get an invite to an event, maybe they will decide to make the trip then and attend.
If you want to send a gift, do it. If not, no big deal. No reason to be offended.

RSVP-no.

i agree with other posts that the person hosting the shower would rather fault on over inviting to avoid offending someone.

edit: A lot of these parties are more expensive to host per head than the gift received.

Are you at ALL close to the second cousin? If you are, THAT'S why you got the invitation. It doesn't matter that you don't know the fiancee. If you aren't all that close to the second cousin, then it IS a plea for a gift.

I do want to say that just because you only had close family and friends to your shower doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone else. There are plenty of extended families who attend showers. Don't paint everyone with the same brush as you.

If you aren't close to this particular second cousin, just send regrets. No need for any drama. If you happen to get a wedding announcement, send a card.

Dawn

You don't know the fiancee, so you may not know their intentions. When my husband and I got married, his side of the family invited every family member regardless of relationship to every event. It could be the same for the fiancee. If it were me, I'd politely decline and send a card.

Decline and attend the wedding with the intended wedding gift. Some people are still of the mindset that all female wedding guests are invited to the shower.

IMO invitations are what they are..invitations not obligations.

This really depends on family dynamics while you are offended some may also find it offensive not to be invited. The bride may just be family oriented and may have invited another 2nd cousin and therefore concluded that she should extend an invite to you. It is your prerogative to say yay or nay.

Every family is different. My family is very spread out. We live in Illinois, but my dad's family and my mom's brother are on the west coast, my mom's sister and my sister are on the east coast. Obviously everone was invited to the wedding, but I would never expect them to be invited to my showers.

My husband's family is almost all very close to the town where they grew up (and his parents grew up about 20 miles away from each other). Even though some of the family is hundred's of miles away, they would have been insulted and would have made it known to everyone, if they were not invited. This is a family that holds grudges for years!

Seriously, don't give it a second thought. Go or don't go, but definitely RSVP with a nice thought. That will mean something to them.

"I will not be able to make it but wish you live and happiness in your marriage"

That would irritate me, too. I agree with Victoria -- politely decline and send a card.

I would ignore it! I know you say you haven't met the person, which would tell me you're obviously not close; but have you even had ANY contact lately with the cousin? If not, then definitely ignore it! Sounds like a plea for gifts.

If anything, I would MAYBE send a card (and JUST a card) for the wedding; but definitely NOT anything for the shower.

It might be for money. It might be a way to bring the family a little closer. People tend to see a wedding as an event that brings distant relatives out of the woodwork, giving the intended spouse a chance to establish relationships with people other than the usual "crew".

Send your first-cousin-once-removed (the groom, if his mother is your first cousin) and his bride a congratulatory card. First chance you get, make it a point to actually see them. Don't feel any obligation to bring gifts; just bring your open heart.

I always send a gift if I am unable to attend-but I think it is ok just to send your regrets. Imagine if everyone in the family had been invited except for you-would you feel as though you had "dodged a bullet" or be hurt? Sometimes I think I send a gift just to see if I'll get a thank you note! I also think that people who invite obscure members of the family are not going to be hard up for gifts.

Don't be offended. Some folks still have traditional LARGE weddings, showers etc. with every family member invited so as not to leave anyone out. If you can afford it, it's easier to just invite EVERYONE instead of having to worry about who to leave off the list! :) Also keep in mind that if they can afford such a large wedding, chances are they aren't too hard up for gifts ;) Many people use the opportunity as a reunion of sorts. Don't feel like you have to go. Send a nice wedding card to the couple if you'd like and don't worry about it.