Breastfeeding Blues

What about pumping and weaning him off the breast to the bottle? I was able to "breastfeed" for two months via the bottle without feeding my son from my breast. It didn't last forever, but it did lengthen the time I was able to breastfeed! Then you don't have to worry so much about weaning him on to formula, since he'll be very close to the year mark anyway, and you can just begin him on milk and make that transition. You might also then be able to wean him off of you so that Daddy is there to feed him some of the time. It is not something you have to do (I was only able to breastfeed for 6 months - we do what we can) but something you might consider. Good luck.

I was in the same boat 1 year ago. I thought that my little boy, if he could choose would still be in the womb. So here is what I did.

He wouldn't take a bottle so he went directly to a sippy cup. I started taking away his breast feedings during the day substituting with formula - (our pediatrician did not want whole milk started until 1 year because of babies digestive system) - and within a week we were down to breastfeeding only at night.

At this time I also found out that he needed more sleep during the day to sleep through the night. My kiddo was getting over tired during the day so he couldn't fall into a deep sleep at night. He could only be awake 2 or max 2 1/2 hours before he would need a nap during the day. At the first sign of him starting to rub his eyes he was immediately down for a nap. But once I started putting him down for his naps he started sleeping so much better during the night - he would wake up maybe once and I would have to let him fuss/cry it out because he needed to learn how to sooth himself.

At this point he was only using me to fall asleep he would hardly breast feed at all. So I started him on cereal about an hour before bed and gave him formula in his sippy cup - I let him drink the formula while he was lying in bed (so I wasn't holding him) and once he finished I took the cup away burped him and laid him down and he would fuss for a while but he would go to sleep and voila started sleeping through the night. (I did this same routine for naps.)

This transition was easier than I had anticipated and wished that I had figured it out months before......I hope this helps! I remember feeling so guilty that I had nursed my daughter until she was a year and I only nursed him 8 months but they are so much alike but soooooooo different they just needed different things at different times.

Oh, this is encouraging also - once I stopped breastfeeding that was really the time that my son and my husband were able to bond - I remember my husband telling me one evening while he was holding our son - that at that moment it was the first time our son completely relax in his arms. As much as that made me happy it made me feel so selfish that I had unknowingly been in the way of their bonding because my son was so dependent on me.

After my son was on formula and sleeping through the night the atmosphere in our house was so much better, my relationship with my husband was so much better and I was able to spend more time with our older daughter. So in the end it was best for everyone! GOOD LUCK!

You have received many wonderful answers and i have to echo all of them--It is exhausting, I am right there with you, but stopping breastfeeding will not make the problem go away. It might even create new ones! My daughter was a nursing machine like yours and I never got a good nights sleep. My husband and I really need to stick to our guns with night weaning when we felt she was ready. Pick a strategy and stick with it. Sometimes i was so tired to even try, but I knew we had to. Expect a rought 1-2 weeks of little sleep while you try whatever strategy and remember it will get better. Commit!!!! When I night weaned, my husband would go in and comfort her so she would break that connection. You need a supportive husband for this! If your husband can't for work, or whatever, you just have to make your interactions brief and don't feel bad---you are teaching them how to self soothe and go to sleep on their own--this is a good thing! It might tear you up to hear them cry, but they will be okay. i think once you get a good night's sleep the rest will follow. You will have more energy during the day to pay attention to both kids! That's how I felt! Changing to formula, won't change this or make them sleep better--it can cause tummy trouble. Mine had terrible gas and excema when I did try. horrible, so I went back to breastfeeding.

They just need to break the habits, that's all. Stick to a plan, and remember it will get better....they do sleep! 9 months is also a time when for some reason, things get harder too--teething, separation anxiety, etc.

You might want to start introducing more of a sippy cup esp during the day, to give you a break as well. But this can take a long time, so don't get frustrated.

You are doing a wonderful thing, and you are totally normal for having all these feelings, it really speaks to how much you care about your kids!! Give the sleep thing a try first and see if once you sleep more, the rest falls in place.

Please feel free to email me with any questions too--we went thru a very similar stage with my little one. I firmly believe that breastfeeding moms need all the support they can get since sometimes you feel totally responsible for all their needs and that is exhausting!!

I think weaning him won't change the way he always wants you, or his waking at night. It will probably increase in anxiety and make the issue worse! You said he has a routine... well change it up. Give him dinner, then a bath, and then play for a while, then read a book, cuddle up and talk, and then nurse and then bed.

But really weaning him at this point will likely make him more anxious and make thep roblem worse. Its a phase, it will pass and soon he will be running away without even regarding you, and you will be sad that this phase is over. Just go with his flow and try not to force things, it will pass. Iknow yo uare tired but trying to force things upon him and yourself will only frustrate both of you, making the problem worse.

They will certainly give us a run for our money won't they!?

My first would sleep 10-13 hours straight from the time he was 7 months old and my second didn't sleep well thru the night till she was over a year old but so I understand being super tired with another one to care for.

There are several things going on and I think if you get him sleeping worked out you could continue to breastfeed like you want to. I understand how emotional breastfeeding is. My 1st was a preemie (32 weeks) and I was determined to nurse him. I pumped for 12 weeks round the clock till he could learn to nurse. I was so emotional about it I just had to keep going and push thru that and his little tummy just couldn't take formula. But you have done a great job getting to 9 months so don't beat yourself up over making a change if you need to. It may or may not help with the sleep issue so be prepared that it might not be the magic bullet.

I highly recommend The Baby Whisperer and The No-Cry Sleep Solution. In No-Cry she talks about being able to co-sleep with her little one that did exactly the same thing your little man wants to do. He was attached to her all night but using her tips and tricks she was able to get him sleeping well without needing to nurse all night. I highly recommend both books because they offer invaluable tips and tricks and recommendations to help you understand infant sleep and set a good foundation now for good sleep for years to come. It is essential that you understand infant sleep to formulate a plan for sleep that your son will understand and be able to depend on.

If you do decide to wean you have to go to formula at his age. This articles discusses why you *can not/should not* give infants whole milk:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002448.htm

To increase his acceptance make the transition gradual if possible meaning try 3/4 breastmilk to 1/4 formula and gradually increase the amounts. I had great luck getting my son off the hospital bottles to the breast by using the Playtex nurser with the brown (latex) nipple. It is very soft just like the breast.

Just because you wean doesn't mean he will be any less attached to you or want any less of you so do be prepared for that. Have you thought about getting a sling or carrier and just strapping him on sometimes? That leaves your hands free and baby is happy because he's close. My sling saved my sanity with both my kids when they were going thru stages where they needed more of me. My son had so much going on as a preemie that he had days where all he wanted/needed was to be held and that's where my sling saved me! Also, try googling "Dr. Sears High needs infant". He has great info about how to deal with a high needs baby.

Also, is there a way you can set up fixed times during the week when you can get out to run errands, exercise, or even take a nap on your own to give you a much needed break? I find a little of that for me goes a long, long way in helping keep me on track and refreshed.

Best to you!

Just responding to your intention to go to soy formula. I wouldn't recommend that unless you feel you need to. All formulas are fortified with everything a baby needs. You ought to start with regular formula (and store-bought brands are just as good as the expensive name brands), and only move to the specialized formulas like soy if you need to. There are some concerns about the impact of soy on babies, particularly boys, with hormone disrupters or whatever they're called. I'm sorry I don't have all the lingo on hand, but I did put my son on soy formula. He had TERRIBLE eczema, and it cleared up a bit when he was on soy. I did a lot of research at the time and found that the benefits of his eczema clearing up outweighed the concerns about soy. But when it cleared up, we went back to milk formula.

Anyway, I just wanted to throw in my experience.

Oh boy! I don't blame you one bit! I also like to have my personal space, and I don't know if I could have done it as long as you have!

You are right that he doesn't need you...it's nice that he wants you, but at 9 months old there is no nutritional need for him to be getting up even once in the night, let alone 2-3 times! I'm with you...I need my sleep!!! That being said, I personally think you are smart to try and wean him. He obviously finds your boobs as a comfort and needs to be able to do without them ALL of the time.

I would call your pediatrician tomorrow and explain some of the situation. Ask how often he really should be eating, if they recommend formula or milk (my guess is they will say formula), and if they have any tips for you too.

Personally, if I were having such a miserable time breast feeding, I would stop. At this point, he has received so many wonderful things from you, now you need time to take a step back and not be attached to another human being! Good luck!

I will echo what BeckyW says. Weaning is often thought to be the answer to anxious times. Most of the time weaning just rearranges the anxieties.

It is tough when you feel like you just got past the first one and now you have a happy second one but you now have all of your time split in two (in three, counting hubby).

I would recommend you look into 'baby wearing', time management, involving your older child to help you in however he can, getting outside help if possible. This isn't criticism. I would say it is an alternative to feeling set on weaning.

D.

What helped me was to get him to go to sleep WITHOUT nursing. My husband started putting him to sleep at night, I would nurse him to "top him off" until he started just comfort sucking. Then it was daddy time (who would stay in the room and sing to him while he was getting his last snack of the day). I would kiss him, tell him goodnight and give him to his dad. Oh boy was he PISSED when I would leave for the first 4 or 5 days, and my poor husband would come down an hour later just completely wiped out and feeling bad because our baby cried for mama the whole time. But after a few days, it became our new routine. Night wakings gradually lessened because he didn't expect the boob to be there to put him back to sleep whenever he woke up. It's been 4 months since then, and our boy still only wants daddy to put him to bed haha...so if you can get help from your husband, DO IT! He will probably be very reluctant to try since baby only wants you now, but honestly it was the best thing for my husband and son's relationship. The bond they have now is amazing, and I had never thought they could be so close at first (because like yours, my son was a complete mama's boy and was attached to me 24/7 before this). We're expecting #2 in 7 weeks and my husband has already declared to me that he wants to rock her to sleep whenever he can. Best of luck!

9 months is quite an accomplishment.

If you wean now, use formula. Babies should not have whole milk until 12 months.

He's already figured out that if he screams long enough you will nurse him because it seems you eventually give in. So, don't give in, even if you don't sleep all night. To comfort him just hold him, but don't nurse him. It seems you haven't decided whether to wean him or not. Make a decision and stick to it. If you are confused about what you want to do, he will be confused as well.
As for needing physical space, it's good that your husband is helping out with that. Little ones usually want their moms. He'll outgrow it soon enough. It won't be long before he's driving and you'll never see him and you'll miss the days when you were his world.
As for whole milk, wait until he is one. Do formula first.

I read your follow up and I'm so happy he is doing better sleeping. I really think you won't solve anything by weaning him at this stage. He may be even more clingy to you if you do that, which is the last thing you want. Give yourself some more time with some rest after you resolve the sleep issue, and see how you're both doing. Only change one thing at a time with him. Having been through something similar years ago, I know that physical exhaustion from lack of sleep can make things seem huge and unmanageable. Give yourself the time to evaluate when you have had some rest.
I haven't read the other posts, but you don't mention if he has a pacifier. Some babies don't need them, but he sounds as if sucking is very important to him, and it might help him sleep.
I wish you well, and I hope things go better for you.

Congrats for being able to do it for as long as you have. I never made more than an ounce for the day with my first one. My second one I was up to three ounces WOOO HOOO. but she was already drinking three ounces a feeding by then. I gave up early with the second one. I knew that I would not be able to produce. Life was EXTREAMLY stressful while I was preggers with the first one and my hubby had heart troubles with the second one....that was a walk in the park compaired to the stress while carring the first one. So you really did do a great job. I would mix formula and breast milk. Like two ounces formula and the rest breast milk and gradually add three ounces and less breast milk. That is how you do it with cow milk. I would also look into finding out how nutritious your milk is. My sil had to switch to formula because her son was underweight and not getting enough from her milk. I would think with diet change that you could add some stomach fillers that he could get from your diet change?? Good luck. Hope the switch (weather formula or whole milk) when ever it comes is an easy one.

I agree with Abby- get your husband to put him down last. We had your problem with our first. The baby wanted me during the night and wouldn't put himself back to sleep until he got what he wanted! When I couldn't take it anymore, we switched the routine from nursing last to nursing first. Then we'd do bath and book, and my husband would rock him. At the start of this new plan, he had to rock until the baby (he was 10 months at this point, and I was exhausted!) was mostly asleep, but after a few nights, he was able to put him down more awake than asleep. Yes, we got crying, esp at first, but if he was very drowsy, we got less, and then he woke up fewer times at night. If your husband is really interested in helping and willing to be tired, you could send him up at night with a bottle of pumped milk- then you can judge when/if he's really hungry. I don't think a bottle once or twice at night will make it hard to wean off. We didn't do the bottle thing because my husband seems to sleep through the baby crying, but I'm thinking about inforcing it now since our 9month-old thinks she's hungry at night too....

This is "old school" but are you feeding him rice cereal? Each of ny 3 started sleeping through the night--10 to 12 hours--when they started having rice cereal around 6 months. That was at their grandmothers' advice, and it worked for us!