Breastfeeding a 2 Year Old

Set some rules and make it a special time. Such as, only nurse in a certain rocking chair at home, only in the morning, when you get home from work and before bed. Tell her it's special time and you only do it at this special place.

She wants to nurse anytime and wants you to be available any time. She will not just decide that she's okay with having it less if it's becoming a power struggle between you two. You need to decide and stick to it. You want it to be a nice, special time and not a control/demand issue.

J.,

I've had a similar problem and recently discovered lemon juice! What I do is cut a lemon and rub a bit of it on my breast - it will not taste too good to your little girl. Then, when it is okay for her to nurse, clean it off. It shouldn't stop her all together from nursing - but just control the times. Maybe you can say something like the milk isn't ready yet and will taste bad - then when you are ready for the 2 times a day - you can just say it's ready.

I hope that helps!

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe you are still doing this. The part of your milk that contained the best nutrition and immune system builders for your baby has been gone for about 20 months now. Even after six months it's not even that rich anymore. I agree you should put lemon juice on your nipples. You got to stop that. It's disturbing just to think that a child that old is still attached to her mother that way. And no, it is not good for you or her. You are not providing her with better nutrition whatsoever. That's gone. Yeah, enforce the rules, put lemon juice, tuck your shirt in, give her a sippy cup, try everything!

Hi J.,

This is a perfect opportunity for you to teach your child about boundaries, respect, obedience, delayed gratification, lots of things. She's two, so she's certainly old enough to learn these life lessons. I nursed my son until he was two, and wish he had been eager to continue.

Both the "fight for nursing" or the "constant stopping and nursing" are unacceptable -- you must now draw some clear boundary lines for your daughter that do not include catering to her every whim. Remember, before she is one, her wants and needs are the same, and there is no such thing as spoiling her, but now that she's two, setting limits is not only appropriate, it is necessary, and she needs you to do it to make her feel safe and secure. A child without such boundaries ends up feeling very unhappy.

I would suggest you sit her down and tell her that she must ask you before she may nurse, and that she must do it a certain way -- putting her hand on your arm, waiting for you to acknowledge her (put your hand on hers) and then asking you respectfully. If you are in public, she must whisper her request in your ear (not, "Mama, I want to nurse!" in the middle of the grocery store...!) Tell her that if the answer is "no," she must not whine or fuss or ask you again.

Set her up -- take her somewhere she loves, or, if you have to shop, start loading things into the cart that she loves, and if she whines or asks you again, abruptly drop everything (those fruit rollups and juice boxes -- make sure she sees you dumping them) and LEAVE. Let her know that her choice was not a good one, but you're sure she will make a better choice tomorrow.

You have to train her to obey, to follow your rules, especially when you've established new ones. That means set up lots of situations in which you two can "practice." It sounds like you need to practice being more consistent with "No means No."

At night, after you have nursed for the last time, if she asks again, you can tell her "nurse went night-night." My daughter was desolate to hear those words, but tenderly kissed my bosoms and said, sadly, "Night-night, nurse, night-night...." At least I had put it in terms she could understand....

The bottom line is you have to pick a way of doing it and stick to it without exception (unless you are comfort nursing like when she falls down or something) -- ie., "we only nurse at home," or "we nurse before breakfast, lunch, dinner and night-night," or "you must ask me nicely to nurse, or the answer is 'no'." Find what works for you, and then be absolutely consistent.

There is nothing wrong with lots of nursing at the age of two, but if you feel it's time to slow it down, or if catering to her nursing whims is wearing you out, then it's right to set clear parameters. What is going on here is your daughter has found a way to control her environment, and to feel powerful. Make her feel powerful by seeing the results of her good choices, her polite and respectful behavior. The rewards for those should be wonderful. And the consequences for whining, tantruming, insisting, repeating her demands (shows disrespect for your "no") etc. should be swift and consistent. This means you'll have a few days of complete hell in which you will feel exhausted, after which, bliss! peace! relief! harmony!

All the best,
S.

There's always great suggestions on www.breastfeeding.com I am sure they'd have some ideas for you!

Best,
C.

You have done this WAY TOO LONG. Usually a child needs a mothers milk the FIRST year of life, the longer you continue the worse it will be to break the habit. If they can talk and ask for it.....don't ya think they are too old to be doing that.!!!!
Let the child know they are becoming a big person and the milk is all gone. Give a sippy cup for big kids and get them to go to the store and pick out their favorite. Do the same as a bottle fed baby......cut the feedings down to one a day.....save their favorite for last......you need to get rid of this habit....they need their independence. Also your child is missing out on trying new foods and eating foods when they are hungry,,,, it also sounds like their are behavior issues with the demands and times she wants it....if she only nurses for a few minutes , they are not hungry , they are trying to control you.....that is not good.
You need ti stick with this decision.....and you NEED and deserve a break.
A. ,Mom of three breast fed and I am a Registered Nurse......Each of whom I stopped at 12-14 months.......
Good Luck....It's like anything to do with parenting....do it. They won't like it but they will survive and forget about it in a week or two.

I didn't nurse that long - good job! It does sound like any other 2 yr. old "opinion". She is seeing who is going to be boss & when you tell her that she will nurse when she wakes up from night time & naps (or whatever schedule you desire) then stick to it.....she will throw a fit cause she wants her own way just like any other thing that they want their own way w/. She will learn though that you are in charge & what you says goes.... just stick to your guns! My 3rd child is almost 2 as well & we for sure deal w/ that strong willed opinion that sometimes turns into fits.... when that happens she goes to her crib. I leave her there for a few mintues & then will ask if she is done crying.... usually she says yes & if she starts the fit up again she goes back in her bed.... it will take a while to break her of this habit, but you can do it!

Hi J.,

I have six children, I weaned them all before they were old enough to ask for it. Two reasons, first of all their are studies that show that if a child is sucking once they have teeth, on breast, pacifier or bottle, it can damage their teeth. I grew up in the medical field and discussed my decision with several of my family members that are doctors. The common answer was that they felt it was healthy to nurse for a full year until the baby can get all the nutrients they need from solid food. After that it is not as healthy because it can cause damage to the teeth. All of my children are healthy and have strong teeth. Second, I felt it would be embarrasing to have my child ask for it in public. I had one cousin who's wife did not believe in what the rest of our family did and would breastfeed long term. She would breastfeed her daughters longer than her sons, and sometimes she would be feeding 2 babies at once. I personally did not feel that this was fair to the new baby as it did not get the colosterum that is so important for the immune system and also did not get that individual time to bond with mom. I would watch as her children would climb up on her lap and pull her shirt up or start asking for nuh nuhs. I thought how horribly embarressed I would be if my child did this and so I made the decision to stop by the time they were a year. I had only one child nurse longer than that and it was because she got sick around that time so she was weaned by 14 months. As with anything concerning your child, this is your decision, no one can make it for you. However I would strongly suggest that you do some research about what I have told you with their teeth, maybe call a few pediatric dentists and ask their opinions. Also, one other thought, how does your husband feel about the subject, is he supportive or does he feel you should wean your child? Whatever your decision, I wish you luck, weaning is never an easy task unless they wean themselves.

D.

Don't worry about damaging their teeth, etc... That's BS. God designed the breast for a child. It is not like a bottle or pacifier, as those are artificial subsitutes for a breast. The breat was made specifically for them. Also, your milk doesn't become less nutritious, all that happens is they need the nutreints less because they are getting more from the food they eat. Anyways.... I just try the sippy cup, or a big boy cup first. I have like a million different ones I've tried, and I stocked up on the ones he likes. I try to offer those, or snack food, when he wants to nurse and it's not nap time or bed time. Nap time and bed time I always nurse my son. I always have snacks and a cup avalable too, for him to choose on his own. Slowly stop giving the breast, and give the cup more. You can even try saying that cups for when she is thirsty. I tell my son (because he likes to tweek my nipples) that milk/nee nees are for food, not for playing, and he gets it, though he is only 16 months old. I would just keep trying that sippy cup. YOu'll get there!!

Also...... the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing until AT LEAST 2 years.

I wish you luck. I think some of the advice on being consistent and boundaries is invaluable. Then some of the advice trying to shame you is really uncalled for. I've not responded before but I hate to see someone put down or maligned for deciding to nurse their children longer than the CURRENT societal norm.
I personally can't keep nursing much over a year- my kids stop wanting to and I don't know if I'd like it if they were much older or demanding. However- I think this is a very individual choice and I support yours too. As mom's we have to do what's best for our own kiddos (and sometimes ignore what others feel is best). We also have to balance out what we can handle.
We're diverse individuals as well as our children and I think we need to respect that in others.
-good luck
M.

She's testing you and your giving in to her. The only way to solve this problem is to only nurse her when you want to and the rest of the time tell her no and mean it. It will be frustrating and tiring for a while but soon enough she will realize that she's just not going to get her way and she'll stop asking. Now if you give in to her than you have just taught her that if she bothers enough you will give in and she will get what she wants everytime.

OY!! You have quite a few differing opinions to think about here! I agree with all those who say it's completely up to you how long you should breasfeed. No one has the right to tell you to stop breastfeeding YOUR child.
Before Western Medicine thought it could take over the world, all through history moms have been nursing their kids until 2-6 or even 7 years! And those kids grew to be normal adults, in fact they are our ancestors!! Yes, it's ok to do so. Moms who think they have to stop by one year have been conditioned by our society that it's gross to keep doing it longer, and some moms choose not to nurse at all for that reason, and I think that's so sad for both mom and baby! Boobs were made for babies, AND toddlers. Look around the world, most other cultures nurse a long time, and practice co-sleeping, and they have done it successfully for centuries. (They think it's cruel that we Americans put our kids in "cages" at night! LOL)
Anyway, sorry... I needed to voice my opinion, too. :)
I agree with the other moms too, in that you need to just set boundaries and be consistent. That's pretty much a principle in raising kids, period. The specifics will vary from family to family, but firm, loving, clear, consistent boundaries will work every time.
Stick with it, you're doing a great job!

An afterthought.. I noticed you said you're a "full time working mom", does that mean you work full time outside or inside the home? You said she wants to nurse all the time 'when you're home', so I'm assuming you work outside the home. It may be that your daughter is clinging to you because she misses you while you're at work. If that's the case, you may try to have a consistent time that you spend just with her, just for her nursing enjoyment (evenings and weekends??). Maybe include that in your storytime or bedtime routines. If your time is too divided, especially while you're home, she could be having some of the separation anxiety that most kids go through.
Just a thought...
Stay consistent, and enjoy breastfeeding while it lasts!

Hello J.,

In my opinion she is getting to old to nurse. It is time to introduce her to sippy cups. Take her to the store and tell her she is a big girl now and she can drink out of her own sippy cup. Let her pick out the designs she wants and hopefully this will work and she will stop nursing. Anything is worth a try.

Hello, J.,
My son is nearly 2 1/2 and still nursing, and I have been having the exact same problem. He asks to 'snuggle' numerous times in the day, and when I do not cave in, there is a crying fit to deal with. I haven't made a diliberate attempt to wean him mostly because he seems addicted to it and it's been less trouble NOT to wean him, but now that school is out (I am a middle school teacher) I am starting the process of weaning him. I recently spoke to a child development specialist who pointed out that at this age, his nursing is mostly a way of attempting to manipulate me, and that I am not doing him any favors by not setting boundaries. He also needs to learn to soothe himself and not rely on the comfort of nursing to calm him down. We are now nursing just in the morning and evening, and when he asks to nurse in the daytime I remain positive and tell him no ('these are MOMMY'S snuggles') and then try to distract him; it usually results in some fussing, but the length of the fussing seems to be getting shorter, and he is becoming more content with just cuddling close to me instead of nursing. After a week or so, we will try to stop completely. It will be extremely difficult, but it's time for us. (By the way, don't let anyone tell you that you've been nursing too long -- as you know, it is COMPLETELY your choice.) Good luck, J. -- just remember, it's all about being consistent and guiding your daughter in respecting your boundaries (I know, much easier said than done, right? Been there, done that!) (-:

Hi there

I think she is just becoming a two year old. I would be firm with the rules and tell her that your boobs (whatever name she has for them) are sleeping and only wake up in the morning and at night. If you stay consistent she should stop demanding. At least this is what worked for me.. good luck

You probably have all the advice you need, so I am just going to add a few comments about breastfeeding for the longterm.
In various indigenous cultures around the world, it is common to breastfeed until the child is around 4 yrs old. It allows the child to grow strong enough to hold his/her own against disease and famine. There are studies out there that have found that the healthiest spacing for children is 4 yrs - not 1 or 2 yrs as we in the developed countries do. Your milk may not carry adequate nutrition for a child to exclusively breastfeed after 1 year (and I'm sure your child wouldn't want it that way either) but it certainly provides antibodies, supplements diet, and in most cases also provides psychological well-being.
The "convenient" thing in our society is to wean, so we can "work" and be "productive." I think you can do both.
My other thought has to do with your being out of the home for work. It sounds like your daughter in her 2 year old way not only misses you, but is also feeling insecure in your absence. You might want to look into how she is spending her day, is she getting enough attention, stimulation, security, love and care in your absence?

After reading some of these posts I am disturbed at how some folks present their way of doing things as the proven best way and make claims and judgements that are not substantiated by research or helpful to the MOM. I do research for a living and have nursed 3 sons for 16 months, 18 month and now my youngest is 2 and still going 2 times per day with limits as well as joy. There is new evidence that long-term breast feeding helps the mother prevent some forms of cancer. There is no real concern about teeth unless you let your child nurse to sleep and the evidence keeps mounting on the impact of nursing on IQ and the improvements appear to continue over time. Of course, it is not meant to supply all of their nutritional needs by then. I think the advice on boundaries and limits is helpful and ideas for looking at her motivations (missing MOM, toddler bossiness etc) as well as ideas to distract her- all so helpful to hear from Mom;s who have been there. I may be angering some, but isn't the spirit of this helping each other on this journey? Offering your opinion as proven fact or flat out saying that nursing a child past 2 is wrong (the World Health Organization begs to differ) because you are not comfortable with it, helps no one.

I would set boundaries with your child. Decide when you are going to nurse her and stick with it. Let her know when it is time or if it isn't time yet. It seems like being consistent will help. I nursed my three younger ones until they were 2 years old. They would want to nurse more but I don't remember it being a problem. I just nursed twice a day and sometimes three.

You're doing a great job! Good luck!

Hi J.

I am a Mother of a 14 month old who likes to nurse all the time too.I would like to stop b4 he is 2. He is at the point where he bites now and i want to stop nursing also. I've been wondering the same thing as you. I hope we find the help we need : )

Good Luck!

Our almost-two-year-old is still nursing, and I plan to nurse him longterm - I know it's good for both of us! But I have dealt with the same problem - the constant demand to nurse. I am working with him right now on it. Basically I accede to his request at reasonable intervals, and refuse at unreasonably short intervals (the whole half-hour thing). I have to put up with some pretty intense screaming, but I believe that it is worth it. He had gotten pretty bad about his demands, and we are working him out of that phase. Our main problem wasn't demands in public (although that has been an issue) - it was demands while we had visitors over, which were highly disruptive. So we're in process!! Hope it goes well for you!!

Hi J.,
Ignore these ladies who say that you milk is not nutritionally valuable! Sure, your milk will change composition over time, but it still has plenty of nutrients, including healthy fats that your child needs!

I was blessed that my little girl weaned fairly easily at 2ys, with a little extra encouragement from me (I was tired :)!)

Check out the Le Leche League, though. They have LOTS of breastfeeding advice for infants AND toddlers:

http://www.llli.org/nb.html

I just noticed your post & just want to put my opinion out there. I think you should nurse until they wean within reason. My daughter nursed till 3 years old. My first child only nursed 6 months.. Everyone is different. Its natural and still has many nutrients.. My daughter was born at under 4 lbs (the one that nursed till 3) and she was really sick. I nursed her and she did not even have regular food because of her intestine and infections until 1 and then we gave her limited food.. I hope that you make the right decision for both you & your family. But the ones who say thats not normal after 1 or 2 are absolutley CRAZY and they are not normal..

Thanks for reading my opinion.

Kimberly
41 years old