Breast Feeding Blues

There is also a good book called "How Weaning Happens" that might be helpful to you.
--E.
www.sabirthclasses.com

I went through periods like that. This is what worked for me (and my son was a hard core nurser).

1. I'd suggest trying to night wean. Or at least get her down to 1 or 2 nursings a night. She's old enough that she'll be okay (physically) with less.

2. Slowly start to set up "rules" for nursing (ie, we only nurse at this time/in this spot/etc).

3. If she nurses to sleep, try to stop that. Nurse her to sleep and then put her down. I still had to lay with my son, he wouldn't go to sleep alone, but seriously, the night he first fell asleep without nursing was the night he first slept through the night (Actually a year ago this weekend now that I think about it - he was 18 months old).

I felt like once I took control of the nursing, I didn't feel that anxiety. And with the "rules" and changing them, we went on to nurse for another 10 months, quite happily.

(That said, like another poster said, if it doesn't seem to be helping your anxiety, see your doc).

I don't think weaning is the issue... I think you should see your Dr and get either an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication - MOST are breastfeeding friendly.

That's pretty major stuff to feel over a simple and normal aspect of Mothering like breastfeeding your almost 1.5 year old. Your daughter is giving you the ques and signs she isn't ready to wean and you are ready to go off the deep end.

It's not the nursing that is the issue... maybe you should also talk to a therapist about how you are feeling about your daily life right now. Many things must be going on for you to have such feelings. Is your husband not helpful around the house or with your daughter? Do you need a Ladies Night Out? Need a date night?

SOMETHING ELSE is the true underlying issue. Solve that and you can go back to being a loving happy Mother to your beautiful little breastfeeding daughter.

She will eventually stop nursing, I promise! I struggled with the same thing with my DD too. I was even pregnant while she was still nursing and then I tandem nursed her and her brother. I tried weaning her 3 times and it just didn't work. I did learn that it was ok to take breaks though. When I would go through phases where I really didn't want to nurse I would say ok, mom is going to nurse you for as long as the ABC song is...then when it was over she knew she had to stop. It worked for us. It got me through those times when I just didn't think I could do it anymore. My La Leche League leader also reminded me that a nursing relationship is a two way street, if one of you is really unhappy then something needs to change. I hope you find something that works for you both!

What's best for her is not necessarily to nurse. It will not hurt her to stop nursing now. But YOU need to know that you and your husband are in control and not your daughter. It sounds to me like this is your struggle. This is really hard to assert because you will feel like you are not being loving to her, but she needs to learn this.

She needs to learn how to self-soothe and put herself back to sleep at night. She does not need to nurse at night at this age. It will be a challenge but it will be so worth it for you to get more sleep. There are lots of posts on helping her sleep through the night. Let me know if you want to hear what worked for us.

You sound like a very loving mom. You've done a great job so far! Now it's time to move to the next stage of development. It sounds like you're ready.

I think you need to STOP and start "whining" the baby..no matter what it involves. I remember the blues feeling while breast feeding and I will say...my children are Super Smart (top of their class) and healthy...and I stopped when I needed to come first in life. Your child will be just fine.

I can sympathize with you. I wanted to breastfeed longterm and have gone much longer than I ever thought I would. My son just turned 2. He nurses throughout the day, at naptime, and at night. I struggle with it because it's frustrating at times, but it's a blessing at others.

The funny thing with my son is that he drinks from a sippy cup, eats...has since like 7-8 months old! Nursing is strictly a comfort at this point.

Don't beat yourself up too much and don't let other people's opinions and sneers about long term breastfeeding make you feel bad, cause I know personally they can!

Start slow, talk it through with her and enlist the help of dad, babysitters, etc, anyone who is involved in her life. Remember too though that if a toddler is that attached to it, there may be underlying reasons that it is needed (teething, illness, insecurity that needs to be dealt with in other ways, etc) Be gentle, be patient and know there are others out here still nursing our babies too!

I haven't faced this issue (yet) but I wonder what would happen if you pumped before nursing her? There won't be so much left for her, and she will have to work for it. Maybe the working harder for less will discourage her. Then you can use what you pump and try to have her dad encourage the sippy cup with it. Heck, leave the house when she wants to nurse if you have to, and she will have no choice to take it from Dad. (Might suck for him for a little while though) If that works, then you can work on drying up your supply and be done with it. I'm sure other mothers who have been there before will have better advice, but that is the only thing I can think of that might work. Good luck! :)

kellymom.com is a good resource. It can be hard when you are ready and they are not.

Two things we did - I started to dial down the number of sessions (pick a mid-day one and not breakfast or nighttime as those are harder) either by distraction or by saying "Just a little bit for now". That "little bit" got shorter and shorter over time as we got down to just AM and nighttime. Now she's just nursing a little before bed and I think the gradual approach helped her and helped me be patient. Also, my husband hit on the bedtime snack idea. Your mileage may vary, but at some point we started giving her a small, healthy snack before tooth brushing and bed. It seemed to help her sleep better through the night.

Oh, and if you think she's sick, there's a big change afoot and/or she's teething, wait for a better time to start changing things. If she's teething, dose her before bed with tylenol or something and see if that helps.

Maybe it would help if her dad took over a meal (like lunch on weekends) if she'll take a sippy from him. My daughter didn't like cow milk for a long time (and will now only drink strawberry) so try just water.

Hang in there.

I think you got a lot of good advice and I wanted to say I totally empathize with you. When my son was not sleeping well I would have those same feelings while nursing, overwhelmed with negative thoughts and a panicky feeling like I needed to escape. I think there is an actual condition where breastfeeding triggers dysphoria, you might want to research it, it is different from PPD. But also I think it is just part of the bigger feeling that you have no control over your life or body and you baby is calling the shots. For me I HAD to get him sleeping more at night (and me) and that helped a lot. With both my kids I exhausted every option and came close to insanity before I finally had to let them CIO. I know people have strong feelings about that but it did work for my kids and when things get bad enough sometimes it is worth it. We are all happier in the end, I really believe. Now my son is 2.5 and still nursing and we both enjoy it. Good luck!