Breaking It off with Boyfriend

You probably should break it off or take a breather from your boyfriend. If you need space you should get it for yourself. I myself was married for 17 years and entered into a relationship right away with a man who was horrible. I won't get into that but after 10 months it ended. I WILL NEVER LIVE WITH ANOTHER MAN WITHOUT BEING MARRIED AGAIN. Ever. However, I met a good man a few months after my disasterous break up with my live in friend. However, I was really afraid to subject my four year old to another man especially after what we went through (it was a nightmare). After two months of dating this new man, I asked my son if he wanted to meet him. He said yes. We started on something that we began calling "Family Date Night." Once a week, on Wednesday, we'd go out on a family date. Pizza, movie, Dunkin Donuts. Anything as long as we spent it together. We did this for three years. I recommend it to anyone introducing a new partner into thier child's life. It went wonderfully and now I have been together with my honey for 4.5 years. Little man is now 9 and they are like two peas in a pod.

I hope that everything works out for you.

hi J., all i have to say is to make sure you really want to brake it off with this guy, because if hes so wonderful, then whats the problem? why are u wanting to brake it off? i can understand the being married, then getting a divorce, jumping into a relationship right away, then wanting space. maybe you should just tell your boyfriend you need sometime away to figure things out. that u want to live on your own for awhile, and that u still want to see him, just other people, to make sure this is what u want since u did rush into a relationship so fast. if he loves you, he'll agree, also, he'll still be around to see your son, and you'll have space. in the end you may not want to brake it off with him since hes so great. remember, its hard to find an awesome guy who not only loves you but ur child as well. be careful, in the end, you may relize you lost something wonderful. also, if u do decided to brake it off, at least try to be friends for awhile, if not forever and have the guy keep coming around as a friend to you and ur son, good luck, C.

Hi J.,
I am also a single mom of 2 children eventhough my kids are much older the choices we make still effect there lives.
I was married for 15 years and seperated for almost 5 just recently divorced. What I do is keep the relationship from the kids for the first several times I meet the person I don't bring him to my home when the kids are there and we go out they know I am seeing someone but I don't involve him in there lives until we have seen each other for a while as I feel the same I don't want men going in and out of there lives for no reason. As far as breaking it off with your current boyfriend present him with being able to still see your son once in a while to make the transition better for your son.I had a cousin that was in a simular situation and when she broke it off with her boyfriend she told her sons they could still see him and to this day they still have contact with him he is great with the boys they just weren't great together as a couple.Its just an idea. Let me know how things work for you.
M.

I would say do it now because if you wait, it will only be that worse. Here are some helpful tips for the future when you date again...I have a 3-4 month rule whereas the guy I am dating will not get to know my children until I am comfortable, and vice versa. It's worked out great so far...

�Kids, I�d Like You To Meet My Guy�

This Month�s Expert: Ellie Slott Fisher
Author of Mom, There�s a Man in the Kitchen and He�s Wearing Your Robe: The Single Mother�s Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly and a widowed and divorced mother of two

Question: Since my divorce almost two years ago, I�ve started dating again and am now seeing a great new guy. When and how should I go about introducing him to my kids, who are 9 and 4?

Answer: While you shouldn�t try to hide your social life from your kids, it�s important to give them time to get used to the idea of a new man in your life. Start by letting your children know that you�ve met a really nice guy � you can tell them to meet him. Tell them a little about him: for example, where he lives, his occupation and his kids� ages. Show them your excitement about going out on dates.

Regardless of how old your kids are, they will react. They may feel a sense of betrayal � particularly if they harbor hopes you�ll get back together with their dad � and fear the loss of your attention. Try to read each child�s individual feelings and be honest and direct. If your younger child is afraid you�ll stop loving her, reinforce the obvious: �No one will ever get in the way of my love for you.� If your older child doesn�t understand why you want to date, give a few age-appropriate reasons: �I do things with him I can�t do with you, like go out dancing.�

Keep the first few meetings between the kids and your guy short and sweet. Later on, you can plan child-friendly outings, like bowling. Since seeing you sleeping with another man can be upsetting and confusing, you may want to leave the overnights for when your kids are on a sleepover. But if he does stay (and you�re not comfortable with your kids knowing), make sure he �wakes up� on the sofa. While you might not want to introduce your kids to every guy you date, letting them meet the ones you really like shows them that dating is how you get to know someone and judge if he�s right for you. �Interview by Pamela Kramer

Single Moms� Dating Tips:

Go Slow and Steady
My rule is to schedule dates for the weekends my children go to their father�s house. Since they go every other weekend, I can count on having that time free. This �no meeting children� rule gives me time to get to know the man better. Most men understand this rule, but quite a few do not and have tried to push me into introductions. These men get shown the door.
-Cheryl Cruz, office manager, Naperville, IL

Talk It Through
It�s very important to always be honest with your children. Don�t lie or try to hide the fact that you are seeing someone new. By the same token, when you think the man you�re seeing is ready to meet your kids, discuss it and see how he feels. Everyone�s feelings need to be considered.
-Melissa LeTourneau, pricing coordinator, Bay City, MI

Take It Easy
Introduce your kids to your boyfriend somewhere neutral and relaxing (such as a park.) Under no conditions should they meet at a major family event or on a holiday. Don�t be overly demonstrative in front of the children, either; in fact, don�t be physically affectionate at all at first. It can make kids really uncomfortable.
-Natalie Morris, computer teacher, Gardner, KS

J. - my opinion - these men should never move in - I have been separated for 2 years - he has been cheating and I watch how much time he stays w/the kids and he is not to bring the kids to his apartment - my 16 year old watches this - b/c of this issue - he is just test driving. I do not want my kids hurt and there are other times he can be w/them (just them) and other times w/whatever he is doing.

I haven't dated - just b/c of this reason - and i still in hopes of reconsiling. However, If I go out - I come home alone. No one will be introduced to them until that is the one i want to spend my life with. If not - then you show your kids - well i'm test driving - but if they don't get along w/1 of your kid - your stuck - or w/you - your stuck - best thing is to wait for the commitment - then work it in slowly.

God Bless - N.

Did you really take some time for yourself to regroup after the divorce? (Especially when you have the busy schedule that you have on top of being a Mom?) Just let him (your boyfriend) that you need a little space, if he's as wonderful as you say he is, then he will understand that maybe things were happening a little to fast and that you need to slow things down a little. As far as your son goes, he will ask questions,but in the long run,he will get into another subject as they all do-I know,I a mom of 2 teens. Even though we try to do the best for our children,sometimes it doesn't always mean it's the best thing for us.

DO IT NOW!! The longer you take, the harder it will be. Counseling will be good for you and your son ( i know he seems to be to little for counseling but he's not and it will be good) As far as the dateing world, you shouldn't be thinking about that now, just recently divorced, wanting to break up with your current boyfriend, you really shouldn't be thinking about that. But one word of advice on dateing is DON'T BRING THEM TO MEET YOUR SON until you know it's gonna be for awhile. Let them know about your son to see if "he" stays. If he does then wait to introduce the 2 of them. DO NOT move in with him shortly after you get together.Good luck.