Brat Behavior in 6-yr.old Girl

I am no psychologist... but it sounds to me like she needs more attention. She might be feeling insecure in some way. It could be a stage (my 3 year old is going through a stage where she has "moments" and will tell us awful things like "big people think I am stupid" or "i don't love you" the more you react in anger or 'emotionally' - the more it escalates...

What has been helping with us, although she is younger... is calmly reassuring her... while STILL enforcing rules. Our daughter is testing to see where her boundaries are... she want to see if she has the sway to get her way and saying hurtful things both "tests" our love of her, and tests her ability to get her way- so far she is losing on that front.

On the other hand I do think that kids (up to teenagers) - can reach a point when the feel an emotion more strongly than they know how to express it. We use time outs here, and my daughter can scream, yell, or be mad... as long as she stays in time out. If she gets to the stage where she is sobbing and can't get a hold of herself it is definitely time to step in... tell her to take deep breaths, relax... and talk it out. She also must know that her feelings are never "wrong"- she can feel however she does... how she acts and treats others is what matters. The calmer mom is... the calmer she will be. Usually my daughter gets the most upset when she feels a complex emotion that she has trouble putting into words.

If I were to try to tackle her issue I would try prevention (try to set a positive mood at times you anticipate she may get upset... reminding her that good behavior will be rewarded, and when she does good things... take care to acknowledge them... even if they are "expected", also setting aside special time focused just on her top help satisfy her need for attention in a positive way... AND back that up with using your own calm and a sense of structure to help her work though her outbursts.

And if none of that works... book a session or two with a child/family councelor. It does not mean she or her family is dysfunctional in any way, but coucelors are trained to see the signs and root out the cause of these sorts of issues and a good one can give you incredibly useful tools!

Good Luck
-M.

Welcome to Mamapedia!

Are you the child's mother, grandmother? What's your relationship with the child? Your relationship with the child would determine how you respond the outbursts.

If this is your daughter immediately tell her what she's said/done is inappropriate and send her to her room to think about it. We allow the children to play because this helps them to calm down and think. She can come out when she's ready to apologize.

The idea is to let her know she's being inappropriate and separating her from you so that she knows that you will not allow this disrespect.

Since you're a relative develop a strategy with her mother. Let her mother know that you'd like to try this when she's with you. Her mother doesn't have to do the same thing but it would be helpful if she did if the daughter is often with you.

You cannot deal with what goes on with her mother; only what goes on with you. I tell my granddaughter she's out of line and let it go, tho I'm going to have to up the consequences when she doesn't immediately say she's sorry. Her mother sends her to her room and so do I when I'm babysitting. I don't have a separate room that I can send her to or I would do that when she's at my house.

I think I'm going to start telling her that I don't want to be with someone who is disrespectful and when possible take her back home.

I agree with Jennifer - it would be best to know what your relatioship to the girl is. I haven't had a child at 6 yet - but getting close - so I don't know if this is one of those 'testing independent phases' - or - if this has been brought on suddenly, without reason, and is severe - talk with the pediatrician.
My son, who is 5, up until the age of three would have meltdowns of screaming, crying, kicking, throwing things, for like 1/2 an hour. So, when I think of abusive and destructive I am thinking like that - is it that severe?

Not all of our problems have been solved but I will say that instances such as what I described above were lessened when he realized I would just walk away. I'd close the door to his room and not go in until I heard nothing. Many times he would come out of his room so I had to sit, with my back to him, in front of the door so he couldn't get out.
She needs to realize this isn't the way to get attention.

If ignoring her isn't working I would suggest to the mom that perhaps discipline for the behavior is needed. Sending her to her room and closing her door when acting like this will eliminate her audience, works with toddlers to help them realize no one is watching and then they usually stop the tantrums, they're no fun without an audience. She could be told that when she is ready to talk calmly about what is upsetting her she may come out of her room. She's learned that no one will do anything and she's aiming for attention, and in this case negative attention is better than none. Kids need boundaries, it helps them to feel more secure.

Also, if the behavior is happening in your presence (especially if in your home) you can speak up and say, "That's not how big girls behave!" or "That's not how to treat your mother!" etc. I have an 11 year old nephew I say the equivalent to when he talks back to my sister or whines when asked to do something. It's not up to you to discipline her, but it will show her and her mom you what you think.