Boys That like Girl Things.

You and he need a "date". You need to sit down with him and him alone. You need to talk to him and listen to him and have an open mind and heart.

Since he's been "girl" focused since 3, I'm tempted to say he's ALWAYS going to be. He needs a safe place because the world is going to be cruel. You need to make his home life as open and as welcoming and loving as you can. He needs to be able to be himself, if that means make-up and nail polish, then you need to give in.

You can put conditions in place, he's still a kid. You can let him dress up all he wants at home, but not out of the house. You need to tell him the truth about what he'll face outside of the house if he chooses to go "out".

He MAY still yet grow out of it, then again he may not. You need to decide now what kind of parent you're going to be and be it.

Good luck!

Why would you not buy a child the toys he actually wants and asks for? That seems cruel to me, like you have been telling him from the age of 3 that there is something wrong with him and the things he likes. Poor little boy.

My advice, stop trying to push gender stereotypes onto the child (which are extremely damaging) and start letting him be who he wants to be. If he gets teased at school that will be his issue to deal with, if he feels strongly in who he is and what he likes it might not matter to him if some of the kids at school don't accept him, but trust me when I say it hurts him when his own mother can not accept him for who he is.

Is this the same boy who had all the professionals fooled into thinking he was hearing voices? I don't think that the fem inclinations alone are problematic, but if it is the same child, I hope that he, and you and your family are all getting some care.

Best,
F. B.

I don't understand why you are doing this . If you make girly toys forbidden, then they will end up being what he desires the most. He WILL find a way to express himself somehow... with our without you.

Why should he have to suppress his feelings? If you continue to make him suppress the feelings, he will end up hating you in the long run because he will feel unaccepted and unloved by you, gay or not.

So what if he likes to play with girly things. It does not indicate that he is gay, bi or anything else. He is a growing child and expressing himself. Who are you (especially as a mom) to try and stop his normal development because you don't like it.

I have a cousin with 2 boys and 2 girls and the youngest boy (5) LOVES to dress up with his sisters in the princess dresses, get his toes and fingernails painted and wear rub on superhero tattoos all the time. He is loving his life knowing he is loved unconditionally by everyone around him. So either way, gay or straight.. He will has a strong support system with family.

My daughter is a sophomore in college and her best friend in college is a gay black guy who is one of the sweetest people I know.

Love your son for who he is, no matter if he is gay, bi, trans or purple. He needs to know you love him unconditionally.

Your last sentence.. "Please don't be mean". YOU know the answers here are going to support your son and you should support your son. What mother wouldn't.

ETA: Gees... Fanged Bunny nailed it. I didn't look at your history but she is right. Is this the 10yr old that faked all the Dr's out about hearing voices? Good catch Fanged Bunny.

If he's trans, he's trans, and he won't grow out of it. If he's just curious, he will satisfy his curiosity and move on.
At ten, I'd say he's most likely trans-gendered.
He'll suffer more if he feels he has to suppress it than if he is allowed to express it.

Let him do what he wants to do. He will have to deal with the consequences.

Don't always assume your child will be bullied. Kids are becoming more accepting. If he's gay or trans, he will have to deal with it at some point anyway.

ETA - I agree that middle schoolers are a tough group. However, I have seen effeminate middle school boys who were accepted because they were confident in themselves. Attitude is just about everything in middle school.

If the boy tries the nail polish and kids give him a hard time about it, he can either stop wearing it, or learn to be comfortable with his choices. I think telling a kid to hide something they like/are is not a good idea -- rather I think that the kid should be encouraged to try it, along with the caveat that he may endure some teasing. But then he gets to choose.

If you love him unconditionally, then let him be whoever he is. I'd personally paint his nails. At 10, he's old enough to have a discussion about his likes, his life, etc. If you worry that he will be teased, say so, but also LISTEN to what HE has to say about it.

If you fear bullying, then address that. But let him be who he is. If he's 10 and still wants nail polish, then that's who he is.

You're making him feel like it's not okay to be him. Let him play with what he wants - it won't turn him gay or straight or anything else. Ever thought that he may be interested in make-up and become a renowned make-up artist to the stars? Or a fashion designer - ever hear of Tommy Hilfiger? Playing with dolls helps little boys hone their skills as fathers. You have forbidden things that he's interested in for no good reason which just makes them more attractive to him and makes him feel like he's not up to par. You need to relax and let your son be who he is.

What's the problem with allowing him these things? Seriously.

If you love him unconditionally - then you compromise with him on WHEN and WHERE he can wear these things. Paint his nails. SO WHAT?!??! I did that with my boys...and guess what? THEY ARE FINE!! Yes, they are 14 and 12, but they are girl crazy.

If someone asks why his nails are painted?? We had a nail party at the house...he asked to join in. No. Big. Deal.

There's nothing wrong with a boy knowing his feminine side. Don't force him to hide this from you. Accept what he wants. And work with him on what you are willing to buy - if he wants a princess dress? Fine. You may only wear it in the house when we are home.

Work with him to acknowledge what he wants. You aren't forcing him to be gay. And even if he is? You state you will love him no matter what. Well, this is HIS MATTER WHAT....

Of course none of us can tell you if he is trans or if this has more to do with his development and interest. I let my son play with girl toys and my girls play with boy toys.

You might want to think about play therapy to help sort out what is going on though it may be premature. If it were me, I might wait and try just opening the lines of communication and also letting him explore these girl things at home in a safe place.

I do think, I would strongly consider martial arts. While I agree kids are more accepting I think that Middle School is the exception to this and is very difficult for kids especially kids who have learning, social and behavioral challenges. You alluded to other challenges. Whether he is just really in touch with his feminie side or he is transgender, bullying is still very much an issue in middle school specifically. MA builds confidence and bullies are cowards and don't pick on kids who are confident and stick up for themselves.

J., I'm not saying this to be mean, but after reading your previous question and going back and reading all your previous questions, I really am concerned that maybe you need to seek counseling. I don't think the moms on Mamapedia can give you the kind of help you need, especially because we don't have the full story. But are you sure it is your son who has all these problems or are you the one who is really in need of help?

J., if you love your son, which I really think you do, you might at least speak to your family doctor about it. If your son is normal, as you now say he is, then why did you, as his mother, allow him to be institutionalized all those years? Then you say he is normal. And now you are saying again that he is not normal for a new reason that really is not a legitimate reason. Either you think your son is normal and doesn't need help or you don't. You sound very confused and seems like maybe you might be the one with the issues.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Is there a male figure in the picture? My son is 4 and likes a lot of the toys his 6 year old sister plays with and I let him play with them. But, he also has trucks and super heroes. He is definitely not as rough and tough as other boys though because he has been with his sister so much and I worry that he will have a hard time adjusting to the boys at school that rough house so much. But, I think he is a well adjusted boy and has not realized gender differences yet. I would buy him a doll (maybe a boy doll?)if he really wants one and paint his nails a boy color like blue, green or black. People may comment, but, let it go. He may just turn out to be a very good Dad with a lot of creativity!