Toddler Boy Wearing Nail Polish -- and a Vent

If he likes nail polish, no matter what his age, let the boy wear nail polish. Sheesh.
No one bats an eye at girls doing stereotypically "boy" things - like playing with trucks, wearing jeans, or climbing trees, but let a boy express an interest in anything considered "girly" and some people have a cow.
Tell Gramps it's not his decision, his opinion has been duly noted, and he is now free to sit down and STFU.

my youngest son used wear polish a lot when he was younger. My nephew who is 5 was here just about a week ago, his momma painted his nails and toenails, he got lots of questions about it. But my parents who happen to be the grandparents to both of the boys don't mind it.

My brother does this same nonsense. I tell him in no uncertain terms to knock it off whether he is hammering on his own children or someone else's. Let kids be kids. It's harmless fun while they explore their world. Sheesh. I tell him to stop being an ahole and to grow up. Adults don't pick on children. I would not let him saying anything to my son or to call him by a feminine name which is downright rude and cruel. After the first snide comment I would ask him to leave and I wouldn't invite him back. My job as a parent is to set appropriate boundaries both within and for my family, especially my little ones when an adult doesn't know his or her place.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable. Finger nail polish will not make your son a girl. No more than dresses or other girly things will do so. He's three and has zero concept of sexuality. He's busy exploring his world. Some kids are like birds for a while - the more shiny and sparkly the better. Good luck.

I'd tell your dad if he belittles your baby again, he can go home, or you will leave.

He's old school. This is not his son. He doesn't have the right to do this. Your 3 year old can't understand what is going on. What he CAN understand is that his grandfather thinks ill of him.

I wouldn't put up with this. You hold the reins. All you have to do is pull them. If he doesn't get to spend time with this child, and you SHOW him you mean business, he'll hold his tongue.

Better start now, Mom. You never know WHAT your dad will decide isn't "manly enough" as this child grows. He could devastate your son if you don't put the brakes on him now.

Dawn

i would be mirroring that tone right back at grampa. he is way out of line. i would tell him in no uncertain terms that he can express his displeasure to you (if he absolutely must) but that you will not tolerate him mocking your son. ever. under any circumstances.
so glad your son has a sane laid-back mama who understands little boys exploring and playing.
khairete
S.

When my son wanted nail polish (he was 3 and saw me painting it on and wanted it too), I also did not want him to be picked on.
SO - I got some glow in the dark polish - you can put it on and not even notice it in regular light, and then we had TONS of fun shining bright lights on his toes, then watching them glow in the dark.
We had fun! And absolutely no one noticed a thing.
And soon enough he was no longer interested in it and it was over.
As far as your Dad goes?
I'd be tempted to paint his toes while he sleeps then ask him if he felt girly when he woke up.
Men who are secure in their own sexuality are not bothered nor threatened by stuff like this.
Would he be throwing a fit if he had a tom girl grand daughter?
He needs to keep his homophobia to himself.

I have 7 nephews. I think most of them have worn nail polish at one point or another. My brother used to paint his own nails black in high school. They get their nails painted once or twice and move on. It's no big deal. My good friend's three year old loves to play dress up in a princess dress. It's dress up. His grandma FREAKED! Mom calmly told her "Danny will not turn into a girl because he's dressing up in a princess dress. Also, Steven will not turn into a teenage mutant ninja turtle either, just in case you were worried." It's playing! Who cares!
As for your dad, I think I would have a serious convo with him before you get together with the kids again. I would let him know you appreciate his love and concern for your son, but that he is YOUR son, and if he has an issue with something, he is to come to YOU, period. He is not, under any circumstances, to belittle that child ever again. Your son will forget about wearing polish, but may not forget about grandpa making him feel like he's not good enough.

I would tell your father that no matter his opinion of the polish, his snide and nasty comments to his grandson were more harmful than a little paint on the child's nails. I would not allow him to continue to be snotty toward my child. Your son is your son. I'm sure there will be more things that you and your dad won't see eye to eye on with parenting but that doesn't give a grandparent (or aunt or sister) the right to pick on the child about it.

Personally, kudos to you. I have a friend whose son's favorite color is pink. At my DD's last birthday party, we let the kids choose a balloon. He chose pink. His dad just shrugged. I have another acquaintance who is so uptight about gender roles that she wouldn't let her son play with some toys girls brought over to play with. Like playing with a fairy doll was going to burn him or something.

My DD loves dinosaurs and gardening - with her dad. I fail to see how her loves are any worse/better than your son's choices. He's three. Likelyhood is he'll be 6 and want something else and 10 and you'll be so uncool he won't even walk through a store with you.

Your dad....has to learn how to handle his disapproval. It is wrong to belittle and shame a child like that. He can disagree with YOU, in private. Leave the kid out of it. That shows your son that his grandfather's love is conditional. Is it?

And, frankly, if your son is gay then he's gay. The polish won't matter.

Your dad is being terrible! I'm glad you spoke to him about it! There isn't anything wrong or "confusing" about little boys wearing nail polish. Your dad's behavior is ugly and wrong.

Two hundred years ago your dad would have been sporting a powdered wig and primping himself to go to the ball. :) Our current era and our culture have dictated gender stereotypes but some people are backward enough to think that it will dictate actual gender.

What? Give am break. Many many toddlers in general like pretty things.

They like to paint themselves. That is why we constantly have to remind them, paint goes on the paper, not our cloths or faces.

My nephew loved having his toes painted like his mom, every once in a while his fingers too. NO one said a negative thing except how pretty the colors were.

This year for the third year in a row, he is his high school quarter back. He has in no way been confused that he might be a girl.

Give children the credit they deserve.

They are not stupid.

They will turn out the way they were meant to be.

Giving a toddler a bunch of sport balls, will not make him macho and painting his nails will not make him feminine. He was born to be himself.it is already there within him, the moment he was born.

ETA:
If my dad ever talked to my child like that, I would have a fit. You need to tell your dad, in a very direct and assertive manner, that he is not to make snide comments about your son's choices in fashion or toys or hobbies, interests, etc. ever again. You need to set up a consequence (a brief hiatus from being around your son). Your dad is very, very, very old fashioned (and small minded imo). Fine. Just tell him to keep those thoughts to himself.

Man, this pisses me off! I can't imagine a grandpa belittling his grandchild like that. Argh! And I don't mean to bum you out, but you LET him do it! Time to let your mama bear out and do some growling. (I know you called him out on the attitude, but you didn't demand he stop belittling your child. Please demand it.)

I've seen a number of little boys running around with nail polish. It's fun! It's also fun to put on dress-up clothes, including princess dresses on occasion. It's totally normal.

That said, we won't let our daughters wear nail polish yet, and they are 5 and 2yo. That's more my husband's bias. I'll be talking him into being okay with polish by the time she's 6yo. Still no makeup or high heels (outside the house) or ears pierced until they are much older.

I don't see what the big deal is. He is three and having fun. Look how many rock stars and movie stars get manicures and wear clear nail polish (some wear colors).

Tell your dad to get a grip and stop talking to your son that way.

Maybe this is a regional thing? My son sometimes wants his toes painted and I see lots of boys around us with both painted nails and toes. Not a big deal around here and what ignorance to think sexuality can be manipulated by nail polish? I would Never let a relative speak to my son in any demeaning way without removing my son and letting the adult understand they could be appropriate or not see our family.

i have 2 boys and would never consider doing such a thing! it's not a "it will encourage him to be gay" thing, but a "they are boys, not girls" thing. i was raised with manly men. my hubby is a manly man. i am raising manly men. no nail polish for my guys!

pishaw, grand pa is a stero typical "MAN". Nothing wrong with it. I have 2 daughters 5 and 3, and then my son 1. He wears polish almost every day. We get the kind that is kid friendly. No one teases him, no one CARES lol. My daughters go to school with boys that wear polish all the time cause the girls make them wear it. They are not any less BOYISH. Thats funny. Let your dad call him Roberta, the only one that looks like the fool will be your dad. I would tell him if he wants to call his grandson anything other than his name, then that will be the last time you let him around him until it stops. Whats WRONG with adults?

I agree with your dad. Nail polish is for girls, why confuse your son?

Your dad is from a different generation, and this is the way he grew up. This is not the last time your son is going ton encounter this type of stubbornness.

We've all encountered this same type of stubbornness from somebody. I can remember being little and hearing lots of comments about what the "men" were going to do or implications that only the guys could change the tire or whatever. It was very important to my parents that my sister and I be capable of things that were once considered "mens work" and that my brother be more open-minded.

I remember my dad explaining to me (on more than one occasion) that there are simply some people who have trouble with change and that they will probably remain stuck in their ways, right or wrong, and that I should do my best not to let it bother me.

It might be hard to begin teaching this to your son at 3 years old, but it is an important lesson. You're not going to convince everyone, but you do need to try and not care.

I think your best bet is to say, "Well, grandpa is entitled to his opinion. I think it's sad that he can't relax and just have fun, but that's his loss. We are going to have fun!" and then try to let it go. He's not going to change your mind and you're not going to change his, but you already knew that. If you're dad brings it up again, you might just need to be prepared with a good comeback that will shut him up on the subject. Something like, "Yep, my little man is in touch with his feminine side. Guess that means his wife will be one lucky gal!"

Good luck! Stereotypes get under my skin.

We used to make our cousin who is younger than us wear nail polish and makeup. He and my one cousin are the same age and she used to make her play dolls with her. We are all adults now and this has not affected him. He is all man. Tell Dad to get over it. We put too much stock in trying to determine what each gender is supposed to like and not like. Let him have fun.

Start looking through old family photos & find a picture of your dad wearing his mothers high heels and put it up on your refrigerator }:)

Hi H.-

I remember YEARS ago, when my eldest son asked his dad (my now ex) if only ladies wear earrings. My ex went really overboard telling him that YES ONLY LADIES and 'girlies' wear earrings...and ON and ON!

Several weeks later, some very near and dear friends came to visit...and 'Papo' had an earring. Now papo is HUGE...built like a linebacker...shaves his head (rather his wife does)....in short...a very intimidating looking fellow (but a complete marshmellow ).

Naturally, my son commented on it...and it provided some interesting conversation. Papo took out his earring for the weekend...lol

If only my ex had answered truthfully in the first place.

**sigh**

Perfectly normal for ANY kiddo this age.

Shame on grandpa.

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Yeah my 3 year old wears polish all the time. Everytime we do his sisters nails he wants to get his done too. He also wears her dresses and skirts so your dad would really think we were crazy.

My son is four and loves nail polish. He got some in his xmas stocking last year and his easter basket this year. Both times he had picked out the colors at the store (red and orange). He likes his fingers and toes painted. I love to watch my husband have to do it! There is no harm in letting a kid be a kid and express what they like/who they are. I don't wear it and the one time I wanted some I had to borrow from him. :)

It certainly doesn't bother me and none of his boy friends have a problem with it. I do find it odd that now some of his girl friends have mentioned he is doing a "girl thing." Overall, it's the girls of this age that are playing into gender stereotypes - telling him he can't be a mommy when they play house, that he has to be a prince not a princess, saying he can't play with their dolls - while preschool boys have more of a live and let live attitude.

My parents also worried about him being teased but knew enough to mention it once and drop it.

In preschool it's no big deal, though he probably would get teased in elementary school.
Your dad is of another generation so his mindset is very different than yours. It's VERY unlikely he will change his thinking so you need to just say, ok dad I've heard your opinion but this is my kid not yours so let's just agree to disagree and drop it.

Personally, I do not like polish on toddlers no matter their gender. However when I do my home manicures my son wants polish too ... I have cuticle oil that brushes on so when I do my manicure he gets a mini one too, goodness knows the things he gets on his hands and in his nails! So, I understand the boy asking for nail polish, but I would not have done it - kinda simmilar to people writing on themselves - just do not like it. You are going to have to move on and make a choice regarding your dad - remove stuff like that before he visits or tell him off.

My Grandfather, Dad, brothers, and husband are all MANLY MEN (lol). That said, if any one of them caught me painting my son's fingernails, they would have a FIT. (I'm 19 weeks pregnant with our first son, so I can see this happening, lol). As a woman who was raised in such a family, and with two brothers and no sisters, I appreciate the 'boy-ness' of boys, so I wouldn't actually be inclined to paint my son's fingernails. If he asked me to paint his nails, I would probably discourage the behavior. That's not to say that it's wrong to let him do it, because it isn't. It's perfectly fine. But for ME, I wouldn't. Your father seems to be from the same school of thought as myself and my family. Boys are meant to be boys and girls are meant to be girls. Don't get upset about it... he's proud of his grandson, wants him to be a MAN!! Keep supporting your son's individuality, but tell your Dad how proud of him you are that he is such a strong masculine role in your son's life. You'll miss him when he's gone.

Yeah, honestly, I think it's a little weird for a toddler to like nail polish.

That said, a few weeks ago by son caught me putting toenail polish on. He was fascinated and begged me for days to put toenail polish on him.

So, I finally agreed to do it, but only on his littlest toe, thinking, who's gonna notice that? He's four. His littlest toenail is so small still, it is seriously like maybe less than an 1/8 inch wide.

But, by husband somehow saw it (it was only one toenail!) and got into this thing about this being wrong, how we don't want to "encourage" him, the whole gay thing. I looked at him like he was crazy. He told me to remove it. I said I would, but I never did. My son picked off the color himself.

Weeks later, again, my son noticed I had changed my toenail color. He begged me to paint his one baby toenail. So, I did, and while I was in the middle of doing in, his dad walked in. It was all sorts of awkward -- me, with toenail polish and a blank stare, my son's cute little foot in my lap, and my son with a huge grin from ear to ear.

So, whatever. I mean, I think it is sort of weird for my kid to be so fascinated with polish, but look, he also makes fart sounds all day and thinks that's hilarious, especially when he sees how much it annoys me. He also likes to talk about throw-up more times than I would like. He's a kid, and kids are into weird things. And that is that.

As for grandpa, he clearly still thinks that homosexuality can be cultivated with a little polish. It's just ignorance. But you are certainly justified to be pissed off at him -- he is being rude and implying you are a bad parent (you aren't of course). Tell him Rock Hudson probably never polished his toenails, and dude was gay. Real gay. Or, maybe offer to do him a clear coat or two, just for fun.

Good for you, on all counts.

Nail polish has nothing to do with sexuality, as you know.

Tell your father that the highest suicide rate among gay teens is because of the bullying by people with his attitude. And yes, I'd take your son out of that environment each and every time your father does stuff like this.

My stepdaughter's husband went after my son when he was about 8 or 9, telling him that homosexuality can be changed. Uh, no. I told him to can it, that he needed to get out of the 1950s, and that he was not permitted to be in my son's presence if he was going to make statements like that. He's still an idiot but he stopped talking like that, at least around us.

This reminded me of the outcry after J.Crew had an ad campaign featuring a mom painting her toddler boys toenails. Jon Stewart did a bit on it that is HILARIOUS.
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/jon-stewart-mocks-media-reacti...

"You do realize there's an antidote, if you will, a clear liquid in a bottle that is in the store next to the nail polish....."

I think you were right in telling him to back off this non issue. Just as in the j crew ad, I think people are make it something it just isn't!

I see high school boys wearing it around here. I think they are the 'emo' ones, lol. I dont see what the big deal is. Tell you dad this is your child not his, if he doesnt like it he can either leave or keep his opinions to himself.
I painted the nails of a boy I used to babysit, his dad also had a cow. Maybe its a generation thing? He wanted them painted in the colors.of his favorite sports team, I didnt think it would be a big deal.
I have a 6 month old son, his little piggies are so cute I have been tempted to paint them, so far I have not.

Unless I thought my son might be transgender (and I have a dear friend whose son knew at a very early age) I would not put nail polish on him.

That being said, I don't think it was appropriate for your dad to brow beat you or your son. If he was very concerned he should have spoken to you privately - once and in a respectful way - and let it drop.