Boys Bothering Your Daughter?

"Mommy, a boy wants to kiss me."
"Do you want him to kiss you?"
"No."
"Then tell him you don't want him to kiss you."
"What if he tries to kiss me anyway?"
"Deck him."

This behavior is common at this age. Yes, talk with the teacher who will talk with your daughter and reassure that she's safe. But know that this sort of thing will happen again. It's the nature of children at this age. I remember hating to be chased by the boys in first grade nearly 65 years ago. No kissing but we didn't have TV and movies modeling kissing back then. My mom told me not to run. Wow! It worked. I didn't get chased anymore. But first I got skinned knees running because I was scared. My mom assured me that I was safe; that this was a game I didn't have to play.

My granddaughter at that age not only didn't run; she turned and chased them. Everyone had fun.

I suggest, as Mamazita did, to empower her by telling her to tell the boy no in a firm voice. If he continues to then go to the playground supervisor.
Or to just turn and walk away. Tell her to not run. He is doing this because she reacts to it. I suggest if she makes it clear that she doesn't want to play that game and then just walks away he'll eventually quit.

I understand your daughter being upset but not why you are. These are 5 yo children. There is absolutely nothing sexual in his attempt to kiss her. He's trying to get her attention, to play with her. It is so innocent. And.....acceptable to many kids and parents.

It's common behavior. It's teasing and it's rude and it's wrong. Teach your daughter that the boys are trying to get a reaction from her, and they are. She's running and she's afraid. Tell her they are unlikely to do anything in front of the teacher (in the class or on the playground) so they are big talkers. If she really has to get away from them, she should go right for the teacher or playground monitor and say "I don't want them chasing me or kissing me."

But no, don't go in with her father and have a big conference. Tell the teacher that this is going on. But at this age it is not sexual. It's unacceptable but it's not sexual. If it doesn't stop, it will be bullying.

Teach your daughter to stand up for herself and how to get an adult involved easily and quickly. Stop running. Yell in a loud but firm voice, "Stop chasing me!" If they touch her, it's "Stop touching me!" Your daughter needs the skills to find an adult helper in many situations - school field trips, store, out in the yard, whatever. She feels outnumbered but this boy and his friends, but she is in fact surrounded by help. Empower her.

Please tell her that she needs to tell them NO! I don't like that! And if the behavior continues, to approach an adult.

There will come a time when you will not be able to make it all better for her.

And yes, this happens every day in every play ground on earth.

Start now to groom her to not be a victim.

:)

Please re-read Marda's excellent answer.

She's right: This is not a sexual thing; it's about the boys wanting to "get her goat" and make her react. If it's not her, it's going to be someone else. It's about her reaction and right now does not rise to the level of bullying The term bullying now is getting attached to every action where one kid is annoying to another kid, when it should be reserved for true, targeted bullying. If these kids were doing this day after day, there would be a larger issue; but you only mention one time.

So do what Marda mentions -- Teach her to stand her ground and not run (they want her to run; if she doesn't, they lose the fun of chasing her) and to say "No, do not chase me!" loudly and firmly so any adult can hear her; then teach her that if the boys persist at all, she needs to go to the nearest adult -- not run from the boys.

Please role-play this with her. We all spend so much time telling our kids to use "indoor voices" and not to yell that kids end up being afraid to yell when doing so IS appropriate -- and this is an example of when it's appropriate. So you may need to act this out with her and reinforce that there are times and places where she does need to be loud and confrontational. That's something else our society and we moms tend to teach kids, especially our girls -- don't confront, be a peacemaker, find a solution. Your daughter (like mine when something similar happened to her) may believe, more than you realize, that she isn't supposed to stand her ground or be loud. If she says, "But I'll be in trouble if I yell, the teachers told us not to yell on the playground," you need to work with her on why she must do so if this happens again. I would bet that one good episode where she stands still, faces them and shouts, "No, you are not allowed to chase me and I am going to let the teacher know" will nip this in the bud.

And yes, tell her she must tell the teacher she was chased and does not want to be chased again. The teacher will handle it. Your child also may fear that if she tells the teacher she's somehow "tattling" on other kids -- you'd be amazed how many "good kids" won't approach teachers about things like this out of a worry they'll be seen as a tattler. Teach her that when someone is harmed or could be harmed, then telling is not tattling. That's a vital lesson for kids to learn.

Do alert the teacher but don't go overboard with claiming your daughter's been bullied or with demanding things like "You need to keep these boys in from recess" etc. I'm not saying YOU would do that but I have seen parents go that far and it's not always warranted. I'd let your daughter handle it first and if there's a second time and she panics and runs etc., then be sure the teacher knows and tell the teacher what you have done (role playing, saying it's OK to yell No and demand they stop, etc.).

Yes, this is totally, utterly typical behavior at this age -- typical for the boys to chase and pester and typical, alas, for the girls to shriek and run away. The most important thing is for her to know she can stay still and say no, and she can and should tell an adult the moment it happens.

Did the teacher witness it? Did she tell the teacher what happened and that she was upset? This is important in terms of how the incident was handled.
Of course talk to the teacher, I'm sure she will be very helpful and supportive. Teachers want all children to feel safe and secure at school.
It's also a great learning opportunity for your daughter. Role play with her, teach her how to stand up for herself and say NO when someone is trying to do something she doesn't like. Remind her that if her words are not working then she should go find an adult to intervene.
I'm sure this is all just normal boy girl stuff but it's important to set a precedent, and start giving your daughter the self empowerment skills she will need going forward.

The natural reaction is to want to run to her rescue in the form of talkign with teacher and boys, and maybe even taking it up with administraiton. She's got to learn to handle this, though.

When I was this age, I started off running. Then, I stopped and almost dared them. When they tried to insist, I physically got them out of my space, sometimes kicking their asses.

This is natural for kids to do this. Letting your daughter find and use her voice in this now will start to arm her with the tools to address it in the future. You do know that it won't stop here, right? How she deals with them now will also affect their take-away for future interests.

The teacher was probably standing back and giving her room to handle it. It is important for her to feel safe, but she also has to learn that her safety doesn't ALL depend on the grown-up in the room. She owns some of that and has the power to determine how this goes. If she feels that she needs help, teach her to ask for help and not just expect the teacher to take over.

I--just because this is who I am--would also touch base with the teacher just to make sure that she's aware and can be on the lookout to help usher the child(ren) through it, AND I would ask for a brief explanation of how the teacher typically views and address this type of incident, so I could know what to expect.

The teacher may not have seen it, so I suggest talking with the teacher with that in mind. Tell him or her that the boy has been trying to show unwelcome affection to your daughter and she was upset about it. Ask the teacher to keep an eye out so as to address appropriate behavior at school when it happens - and to determine if it is appropriate to let the boy's parents know. To start, approach it with the assumption that the teacher does not know about it and will be your ally in stopping this.

If this was one of my sons, I'd want to hear about it so I could re-address why this is not OK...and I sure would appreciate being given the opportunity to do that BEFORE they got themselves in trouble.

If the teacher blows you off, then it's time to talk to the principal. It's important that your daughter knows you will do what has to be done to see that she feels safe at school.

Good luck!
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Talk to the teacher so she can talk to the parents of the boys, but don't make a big deal about it, it is normal childhood behavior. I remember the same thing happening when I was in school.

Talk to the teacher. Their behavior isn't appropriate, and if she's not comfortable with it, if it's not funny for her, then that's a good enough reason to tell the school to deal with it. If they blow it off, take it to the principal. Our school has a hands/feet/objects to yourself. My YMCA summer camp informed me when a girl kissed my 7 year old boy on the cheek - it was not appropriate to the rules and they dealt with it.

I like the karate idea for your daughter. She may need to build some self confidence. I think she's too young, but find something that give her a feeling of accomplishment and strength.

Yes talk to the teacher - they shouldn't let a bully situation develop.
You could also sign your daughter up for taekwondo.
There are lot's of girls in class and they learn how to handle bullies and undesired attention.