Both of My Jobs Out of University Have Not Been a Good Fit - What Does It Mean?

Welcome to the real world where nothing goes exactly as you want it.

I can tell you that no matter where you work it will not be perfect and not everyone have great work ethics.

If you went to a university, then they should have a career counseling center and the school I went to offers help to all alumni no matter when they graduated.
Give them a call.

please see my response to your other question.

You don't have to share the same values as your co-workers - and this is NOT what you described in your other post.

The problem is with you. I am not trying to hurt you. Stop playing the victim here. You CHOSE this position. Just like you did the last one. You were NOT forced to take these positions. You applied, interviewed and accepted the positions. Stop with the victim mentality.

What is it you want? What makes you happy in your career?? Figure it out for yourself. It's not someone else's responsibility to figure out your passion.

Good luck!

" I value collaboration, co-cooperativeness, kindness, harmony, quality work (slow, steady, meticulous), and a steady workflow."

What you are saying here is that your co-workers do not work together, are unkind, do not take pride in their work, work two fast and ... ok, I'm not sure what you mean by "steady workflow."

I really think your statement means that you have been criticized for not working fast enough and possibly because you need too much direction and are not independent enough?

Meticulous can be bad. Sometimes when we spend too much time checking and rechecking every detail, we slow down considerable. Sometimes people who are meticulous can be afraid to move on until they are certain every detail is correct. It is usually much more efficient to keep moving forward and go back and correct a mistake rather than to check and recheck a hundred times just in case there is a mistake. It's like typing. Some people when typing will see that red-line under a word and immediately go back to fix it, even if haven't finished their thought. Not me. For the most part I just keep typing along, making a whole bunch of typos, until I finish what I was saying. Then I go back and fix all of the typos. This helps me keep my train of thought. If I fixed every error as I went along, I'd take at least twice as long and probably would forget what I was trying to say in the first place. (and now to fix my 5 typos from this paragraph alone)

"sky-high expectations without any instructions from management" This sounds like you are looking for instruction too often. Most places are looking for you to figure it out as you go along. Use your best judgement. Occasional you are going to make a mistake, but if you are always waiting around for someone to tell you what to do, you are going to be highly ineffective.

You are probably going to have to learn how to fit in with the people around you. Often times we have to just try to be more like our co-workers in order to do well. That doesn't mean don't be yourself or throw out your own values. It just means try some things their way and see what you might learn.

ETA - Oh, Christy Lee said it so much better than I did! Love her post!

Julie hit the nail on the head.

Who is the common denominator? How can you adjust to be a better fit?

Here's the thing: You seem to have an idealistic, stars in your eyes view of how careers ought to be. But you're fresh out of college and that's not how life works. So you need to adapt to their ways until you reach the level in which you have the position and authority to influence others and do things your way.

If you don't, every job will be a poor fit....because it's you who isn't allowing yourself to be reshaped to fit in.

Put this quote on something: "How can you improve if you are never wrong? If you don't admit a mistake and take responsibility for it, you're bound to make the same one again." -Pat Summitt

Looking at your other question it sounds like you picked a field that you are not suited for. Just because you can do the work doesn't mean you can do the work as well as is needed. At some point you have to accept, maybe it is me that has the problem. You cannot expect a job to change to fit your needs. You are an employee, it is your job to fit the employer's needs.

I have come across several people working in my field that sure, they graduated, they got their degree but they really aren't good at what they do, they really don't enjoy what they do. They are a burden on everyone else that works with them. They think we are too demanding when in fact they appear lazy or at best struggling to get the simple stuff done, god forbid we ask them to do real work.

What I think is interesting is like you they don't see the value in our speed, attitude, and sticking with a project until you hit a point where you can stop for the day. Sorry but a clock has little to do with when you should go home. Someone looking at a clock and saying time to go home makes my head explode because I know how much they will have to do again when they come in the next day. How inefficient.

So I am saying, just based on two vague posts, you are not cut out for the field you are in, you will not be happy because it isn't the team that demands that level of dedication, it is structural to the job itself.

By the way, similar questions were asked last year, perhaps search for those. They didn't much like the answers either and kept asking them over and over reworded just a bit. Ahh, see, Margie even gave you the name to search with.

I don't know of many work environments that have slow steady workflow, whether you are manufacturing a product or processing paperwork or services, selling goods, serving food, creating systems, providing care, whatever, MOST places of business are just that, they are BUSY, and the business naturally ebbs and flows. There are plenty of times being "meticulous" is not an option, when an order is due, a customer is waiting, a patient is in distress, etc. you need to step up and get it done. And for sure most employers expect you to work with little instruction, that's why they hired you. Your fellow employees usually expect you to keep up as well, it's frustrating when someone you work with can't handle the pace everyone else is capable of.
Maybe you need to be in some kind of back office, research position (?) something collecting data or processing financial information, something with a very regular, unchanging schedule, where you don't really interact with others.

Well, you had some good advice on your other thread about how to get advice about your career path. Did you ignore that?

The ladies are telling you that you need career counseling. I also think you need personal counseling because you don't seem to understand how to get along with other people. Mood swings, crying, getting irritated with other people who do their jobs in a different way than you? Not only do you not "fit in" with the office dynamic, but you don't seem to know how to relate to others. That's not a good sign.

Please go back and read all the responses in both threads. You need to focus on handling stress better (with a counselor who doesn't just agree with your assessment of how you relate to other people - that's just NOT going to help you). And as you get better at this, get career counseling.

This reminds me of the posts we had from Zara a few months back.

She had problems with her husband, a baby and work-related issues as you describe.

I think it's a good idea to appear eager and not rely on others for instruction when you need to appear as a self starter.

The advice I gave Zara was to get counseling. When you point the finger at everyone else, and ask why is my life not working - that's a good place to start.

ETA:
Can you answer this - is the underlying problem that you want to be home with your baby? And you are resentful that you are being expected to perform at the same level as your colleagues?
Because that's the hard part about having children and working. You are expected to give it your all just as your coworkers without kids do.

One of things I have told my girls since they were school aged is that it is their job to make sure their teachers like them and that they get along with their peers.

I think you should try to adapt and make sure you fit in. One thing about your post that strikes me is that you wonder whether the issues are the industry, the city, your gender or the team. Although it could be one or a combination of all those things, my bet is that the issue has more to do with you. Even if the problem is the industry and city for example, it would still be possible for you to fit in even if it is not quite your cup of tea.

Best of luck!

I mean this with total respect: welcome to the world of working with human beings. No one is perfect. Lots of great advice has been sent to you, but the bottom line is as a human being we cannot be perfect. Ever. If you are part of a team, you can remind yourself of that. If you think someone isn't doing their job the way you want them to, just remember to do your job to the best of your ability and take nothing personally. Nothing. People get like firecrackers sometimes and explode. Might be tired because they had crying babies all night. Maybe tended to a sick mother. In an ideal world we would all get up smiling and go into our jobs working with the kindness and harmony you wish for. You can send that part out from you if you wish it, but you simply cannot make others be the way you want them to. Go, enjoy your own day, your own paycheck and again...take nothing personally.At night you will be at home in your own little bed with your own cozy world and won't have to think about it. Just love your life. Wherever you are. It is the proverbial too short and we should not expect -really anything. Accept.

There was another poster some time back who posted almost identical questions. I don't remember her name, but she shared similar traits to you, even using the term "out of university" which is not a traditional American expression. Perhaps you are she are from the same country and perhaps share some cultural similarities which would be helpful to you? You could search for those posts. She also had a husband and a baby so maybe some of that advice would help you as well. It sounds like a complex issue so the more responses, the better.

If you keep getting the same results then look at the common factor, which may be you. Then figure out if you need to change your expectations and behaviors, or if need to change careers, ect.

Do what B suggests.

Also look within yourself to see how you can improve. Dale Carnegie courses help a lot, I was a student and a graduate student and it's a great program,

Improve yourself!!

ETA: I work at a university and see college students daily. Students come to our building to learn how to work in an office setting before they leave for the real world and they have many problems. We try to teach and show them how things work but many are not interested in learning small tedious, repetitious duties because they are boring. Well, so many things on the job are that way.

Original: I have not finished my college degree and am older because I didn't know what field I wanted to be in. I take classes now and then while at work depending on the time and how it fits into my work schedule. However, many years back I went to a secretarial/finishing school in New York City. I commuted in daily like the real workers by bus so I got to know this same group of people rather well. We were all in the same place for at least 90 minutes twice a day. It was a way of life and it taught me the meaning of time and efficiency. Buses run on schedules, trains run on schedules, and business projects run on schedules. These schedules must be met. There is not excuse. If you miss the bus or train you have to wait for the next work (missed time). If you miss the deadline for the project millions of dollars can be lost and heads will roll. The old saying, "Last hired, first fired," still is around. So please do your best to keep your job until you do move.

Secretarial school taught me that you have to do your best the first time and every time. My grandfather made a statement that you had to do your job right the first time. If not, it would cost twice as much because they would have to hire or find another person to fix what you did wrong and for them to do it right. Businesses and management go with the saying "time is money and money is time." So the more you can do and do it correctly the better it is for the whole job/company.

Working in the real world requires time management on your part. How long does it take to do task a,b,c separately? Know that and do that in said amount of time. You also have to take pride in your work and let it shine brightly. Be proud of what you do. You represent your company and you want your project/product to entice others. If not, then you need to go elsewhere. There are times that you have to be a team player in order to get the job done and that's where the work family comes into play. You are all there to do a job and not be a big party. It is nice if you can make friends at the job but that does not always happen so it is best to have friends separate from work. Not everyone is going to like you and you have to grow a tougher skin and move on and not take it personally.

I have given you some ideas to use here that are different from my response to the other question. Put both of these replies together and work on them to make you a better candidate for jobs in the future. Do seek out a job coach or any other coach that will help you adjust to the real world of life.

Colleges are great for the academic side of things but they lack on the business side of "what is expected" when you get the job. You need to hustle and keep busy learning. Nothing like a notebook to take notes on how things are done when you first get a job so that you don't have to ask the same question 10 times and interrupt the flow of thoughts of your fellow workers.

Good luck my dear.

the other S.

Employers value quality work along with a sense of urgency. I am a pretty calm person but when I managed a group of people and noticed employees that would work at a slow meticulous pace, I could feel my blood boil. My job was to make sure they did their jobs at a high level and rapid pace. Most jobs also require multi tasking and it sounds like you don't want to be bothered by anything but the task at hand. These are qualities you may need to work at or find a totally different line of work.

I would suggest career counseling at your former school or any local college. I have been brainstorming your work values since I read this and can think of very view slow paced, harmonious careers. Maybe an artist with their own studio?

I erased my post after reading J. W's previous post. I posted an answer to this one on her related post where she's given more pertinent information. The other post gives more specific information which seriously changed my focus.