I was wondering if anyone can suggest a good book on parenting/discipline. My daughter is 3 years old. Her behaviour is not horrible, but like all 3 year olds, she has her moments. My husband and I don't know how to deal with her at those times. We are looking for ways to motivate her to do things like pick up her toys and for ways to discipline her when necessary. If I had to simply describe my daughter, I'd use the following words: high energy, bright, stubborn, fearless, extroverted, and independent. The discipline methods most of our friends use for their children just do not seem to be effective with our daughter. Time-outs do not bother her. Putting away favorite toys for a few days does not bother her (we have even thrown away a toy and she didn't blink!). Taking away privileges such as a trip to the playground does not work with her. And although we don't do it much, bribes don't work either. I recently tried to bribe her with going out for ice cream if she would cooperate for a family portrait. She told me that she doesn't like ice cream. In reality, she loves ice cream. Anyone know of a good reference book for dealing with a child with this type of personality? Thanks!
I really liked "The New Dare to Discipline."
Good Luck!
K.
I have a child like the one you're describing and the book that helped me be able to discipline and raise my boy without having constant fights or harsher and harsher (useless) punishments is "Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. After reading this you'll be better able to understand her temperament and know how to 'speak in her language' so that your point is made.
Another good book is "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's easy read with lots of examples, quick chapter summaries and even cartoons.
You should be able to find both at the library.
Best of luck! Her independence and determination will serve her well when she's an adult, but can be *exasperating* when you're trying to parent her. If you're nodding your head right now -- get those books and stop fighting against her will. Instead learn how to work with it. You still will be teaching her everything she needs to learn as far as limits, respect, etc, but doing it a different way. My life is now a lot easier.
L.
I would recommend the book "No- Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It" by David Walsh. Link to book and reviews on amazon--->http://www.amazon.com/No-Kids-Ages-Need-Hear-Parents/dp/0...
Although the book does not specifically talk about discipline in the sense of time outs, etc. it does give very good insight as to why we need to say no to our children and not give in to the instant gratification our culture emphasizes.
As I was reading your post I wondered why your daughter is not upset when a toy or other pleasure is taken away as punishment. Part of me wonders if she has so many toys that when one is taken away the impact is lessened. The value of the toy is not there. The same could be said about the other privileges like going to a park. Is this really a privilege or does your child get to go to the park all the time? I don't want to make presumptions about the answers but they are simply questions to ask yourself.
The book is an easy read and I think you may glean some nuggets that apply to your situation.
Love and Logic is an amazing method that can be used w/kids of all ages (it even works on husbands!) :)
Love and Logic is a great book.
A quick and dirty book that I've used in the classroom is YARDSTICKS by Chip Wood (yeah, that really is his name). He categorizes kids by their age and gives you realistic expectations for social, physical, and cognitive skills. Sometimes, when you know that the behavior is a developmental "milestone," then it is easier to cope with it. I think the age range is 4 - 14. It may be something to look at and get later. :)
