Bonding

I have to agree with Amy:
"Do not let her hit you or say mean things to you, even at 2 years old, she is old enough for discipline regarding respect. Be sure your mom and husband also discipline her for disrespecting you, every single time, so that you are not the bad guy. This must be a universal lesson. Be firm and deliver and unpleasant consequence. A nicely spoken request to be nice is not a sufficient consequence, it's just attention. Make sure she knows no one is pleased when she does this."

Reward, reward, reward the good behavior and ignore, ignore, ignore the bad. Negative attention is still attention. And setting boundries is necessary for future place in life.

The first time either of my kids said that to me I was so hurt! For me, I think it was the words they chose more so than the thought of them wanting to be with someone else. I knew that stage would come but wasn't prepared to hear something that sounded so cruel come out of my child's mouth. I realized they didn't mean what they said, but rather that they were ready for a break from me and/or was busy with someone else. At those times I would simply tell them to have fun and that when they were ready to be with me I would be ready to be with them. I reminded myself that it was important for them to build bonds with others and it was nice to have some "free time" (yea!). I was always pleasant about it, because I felt doing so would reinforce the trust they had in me. We already had a good bond, now they needed time to bond with others, but also needed to know they could rely on me when they were ready.

As far as the hitting goes, I would let her know that hitting is not allowed. Give her a stern reprimand, a timeout or whatever consequence you normally would use.

As a side note, my kids are now 3 and 4. They are more articulate and have more social skills than a year or two ago. Now I have different expectations for them. They still have times when they prefer me not to be around, but if they tell me they don't like me or something similar, I coach them on more appropriate ways to say that they want some time without me. Good luck!

Do not let her hit you or say mean things to you, even at 2 years old, she is old enough for discipline regarding respect. Be sure your mom and husband also discipline her for disrespecting you, every single time, so that you are not the bad guy. This must be a universal lesson. Be firm and deliver and unpleasant consequence. A nicely spoken request to be nice is not a sufficient consequence, it's just attention. Make sure she knows no one is pleased when she does this.

Also, at other times when she is not acting out, shower her with attention and love regardless of her behavior. This may include giving her space sometimes-kids like cats seem to gravitate to those who don't really care about them sometimes. So be willing to leave her alone (or seem to), but always be there for love too, never totally distant. Your job as a mom is to give unconditional love (which I'm sure you are) and not look for her reaction or behavior to inspire you. This phase will definitely pass. She is acting out for some reason to try to make you feel bad-or maybe to test you to see if you will still love her if she's mean-maybe to get attention from others or something because she knows you're always there. Don't budge. When she sees you are a constant strong loving force in her life who does not allow disrespect, she will show the love she has for you. Good luck!
Definitely check out www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com It's a great system on lovingly and firmly raising kids to be respectful.

C.--

I noticed your other post about your father, but I wasn't sure about the timing of things - is your son still an infant? I don't know if you are nursing him or just giving him the care that little ones need, but is it possible that your daughter is jealous? She may feel a bit "replaced" right now and not sure how to handle her feelings. If you are the primary care giver to your son, then you are the one who she "blames" for the change in her status in the family. That is a very common reaction when a new baby enters the home (and it sounds like you also have a lot going on with your dad), so you may need to make more of an effort for special time just with her.

Good luck and remember that "this, too, shall pass"

This is normal-- both as a phase and sometimes just in general. You'll have to wait it out to see which this is. I'm betting it is a phase-- at about 3 the kids often attach to parents of the opposite gender. It is hurtful, but normal. The hitting is NOT ok, and she needs to get a time out everytime that happens.

I would see if there are some NEW things you guys can do together that would be fun. Maybe you are the only one who takes her to a museum (park, the mall, whatever she'd like). If she's bonding to anyone, I wouldn't worry about her development. However, if she has trouble making a connection with anyone, you need to mention that to her doctor ASAP.

Sometimes the dynamic between a parent and child just isn't that great. It isn't anyone's fault (and we never talk about it), it just is. I'm not saying that you guys are never going to like each other ( I really think it's just a phase) but it does happen. If you're worried, talk to someone.

C.
I have a almost 3 year old and she does the same thing WHEN she is happy with another person and is having fun and doesnt want me to interfere. I think its her way of saying I am O.K. Mom so dont spoil my fun.....Since we are around them the most when someone interacts with them thats different and they see us as the caregiver not the "fun" person anymore they want that time to explore their own options and dont want us around. I dont think it has to do with bonding Chris and dont let it get you down its there way of being independant from us..........
S.

C.,
I think this is a pretty common thing. I remember going through that too! It was like "OK, I do EVERYTHING for you and you won't even show me a little affection!!??" :-)
My son is now 5 and a half and I practically have to tackle him to steal a kiss and am lucky to get a quick, mumbled "love you mom". Yet, when I'm gone, all he talks about is "where's mom? When's mom coming back?" Go figure!