Blending Families - Columbus,OH

My children were in bed at 7 until 3rd grade when we moved it to 8. In late 5th grade we moved it to 9. Once they hit high school, they went to bed at 10, and still usually go to bed around then if they can.

His kids are his responsibility, but a uniform set of bed times would work so much better. My husband worked late sometimes and I just told him that keeping the children up later for him was being selfish on his part. He adjusted his schedule and things ran much smoother. If that isn't possible, then, he can get quality time instead of quantity time. Is there a way for them to be ready for bed before he gets home? Then he can do dinner, stories and bed... I did that a lot if my husband was going to be late. He could still do stories and tuck them in - even if he didn't get to do the whole routine, he got the important parts.
Good Luck!

You didn't say that his kids are crabby from lack of sleep, nor did you indicate that his kids routine was disrupting your kids.

What exactly is the problem, other than being bothered that the schedules do not align?

It's difficult when you disagree on issues such as this, but I so applaud his desire to spend time with his kids (a quality sometimes lacking in males) that I think you need to support him, and let his kids be less rested.

But I don't think 9:00 is too late for his kids to go to bed, anyway. Let it go. The kids will survive, he's a good dad, and this isn't worth arguing about.

p.s. You can have this same issue with non-blended families, so I don't see this as a blended family issue, more a parenting style issue.

It seems like you are putting too much into rituals and schedules and ignoring that your kids are old enough to address their own needs. I would have looked at one of my kids like they had two heads if they had requested they go to bed earlier because they were cranky.

When my kids were younger they would say, I am going to bed now, then when they were done brushing their teeth, they would say goodnights and be off to bed.

There was never a set bedtime, why would you set a bedtime that could either be too early or late depending on their daily activities.

Anyway, I am saying you are both wrong. Both of you have set up systems that put your needs ahead of your kids. Start letting them have a say in what they need. They aren't babies anymore.

I would not change a thing. He is a good father who wants more time with his kids. Let it go.

If I have read this correctly, you are upset over a 30min difference in bedtimes for the girls? Is that it? Or am I misunderstanding?

Seems like something the two of you should be able to figure out?

If I were you, I would take away the 'his routine w/his kids' and 'my routine w/mykids' for bedtime and switch it to an 'Our routine w/Our kids' kind of thing...Do bedtime together...that should solve everything!

Every kid is different.

However, there should be some form of balance in the household. There appears to be his and then your's. That will set you guys up for failure as they get older. Expectations need, no have to be the same, your house needs to be equal and undivided.

I have raised 2 of my step children since very young. We started out a lot like you and your husband, only we realized we were creating a divide in the family, and the people really being hurt by that divide were the kids. Not to mention breeding a little bit of hostility.

Talk again with him, and get him to see where this type of situation could really be creating harm.

Oh and mix it up a little on who put's who to bed...

My husband gets home late and wants to spend time with his daughter so we adjust our schedule accordingly. We only have one, so it's less of a big deal.

Sometimes the parents of kids who split their time have the illusion that they "don't have time with their kids." It's a guilt thing. My husband is ALWAYS saying he doesn't get time with his daughter. The truth it, she's lives here 5 days a week and is gone every other weekend. He sees her EVERY week night where we watch TV as a family and eat dinner. He takes her to a movie every Friday night, and he spends Saturday night and all day Sunday with her on his weekend. He spends plenty of time with her! But that's his thing, so it's best to just let it go. Pretty soon they will be all grown up :(

Well as a working parent who often doesn't get home from work until 6 or later, there's not a chance in hell I'd send my kids to be earlier than they needed to go, which for them is around 9 PM for all of the kids, ages 7-15. Other than your 6 year old, who asked for an earlier bedtime, you're talking about a 30 minute difference between his kids and your 9 year old. I think you can just let your 9 year old stay up a few minutes later, or explain that 2 year olds & 4 year olds have naps and don't go to school.

My older kids (who are 6 & 8 years older than our younger kids) frequently went to be earlier than the younger kids, especially when the younger kids were babies/toddlers. It's not something they ever questioned but if they did, I would have simply told them that the younger kids nap and don't have to be at daycare as early as they have to be in school.

Honestly with the differing bedtimes it sounds like you're treating later bedtimes as a privilege. If you stop the age-based staggering and set bedtimes according to needs instead, you'd end the mentality that being up later is a privilege that's attained with age.

Your kids go to bed way early. He should not have to make his kids go to bed so early if they are used to a more normal bedtime.

Most people I know don't even start putting infants to bed until after 8pm with more and more of them in bed between 9 and 10.

I only have 2 kids, but they are complete opposites when it comes to their needs and internal clocks. One of them would like to go to bed early (8) and be up by (6:30) every day while the other one would rather stay up until (10) and get up at (8:00). They are 6 and 4 so not old enough to decide for themselves, but I recognize they are who they are. My husband is a late person and I am a morning person. We are just wired that way. Our compromise is that both kids go to bed at the same time, but the night owl is allowed to take a book or small toy with her to bed. Then in the morning, the early riser is allowed to play quietly in his bedroom. The deal is if one of them wakes up the other one with whatever activity they are doing, then it is taken away from them.

We both work fulltime outside of the home so there are times when someone is cranky, but I don't think there is a way around it. They are wired the way they are. My body shuts down early and wakes up early and good luck keeping me awake late at night! Our kids are the same way.

Sometimes we have nap/rest periods in the afternoons (if possible) to combat the overly tired days.

I do think it is important to demonstrate a united front as well as equality between the kids which is why we put the kids in their rooms/bed at the same time. Maybe try the kids of the same age must go to their rooms at the same time. I bet some of the kids are upset that their counterparts are allowed to be up and therefore spending more time with mom/dad than the other kids. That is not fair to anyone.