My 5 year old was invited to a birthday party coming up soon for a classmate. He says he does not want to go because this kid only wants to play with him and not his best friend too. I have asked him several times and tried to explain to him that he can have lots of different friends but he still says he does not want to go without his best friend being invited. Should I let him decide or try to convince him to go? I know it sounds like kind of a silly question but for some reason i seem to be struggling with it, maybe because this is the first time he has said no he doesn't want to go to a party.
Thanks everyone for the advice. We asked him to think about it a little more and let us know after school. When he got home he said he was sure he didn't want to go so I told him that was ok. I did ask his teacher and she said that if he didn't play with the kid a lot since they were not often on the playground at the same time. I think they used to play together more, but have kinda gone seperate ways as little as kids are apt to do. Reading the comments made me reconsider the fact that I have a pretty thoughtful and kind son who must have good reasons, he is defitely not anti-social or the mean kid at school and usually pretty considerate of other kids (for a 5 year old). Thanks again everyone!
I would not make him go. he's old enough to tell you if he wants to do something and explain why. although it's true that you can have more than one friend, it sounds like he's very loyal to his best friend and if he does not want to go without him, I would not push it.
It is his decision. He is old enough to know if he wants to attend or not.
I can understand how he feels.
I can tell you did a good job explaining that not everybody is friends with all of our friends.
Even with this information, he still does not want to go, so do not force him.
Don't make him go to a party he doesn't want to attend. Kids know that parties include games, cake and ice cream. If there is something strong enough to make him not want to go, he doesn't watn to be there. We went through this with our 4 year old a few weeks ago. She has been invited to a number of parties all school year. She was happy to go to them. But for this one child, she just didn't want to go, said the kid is mean to everybody and has said so all year. Told her what she was missing and she insisted she didn't want to go. We didn't make her go. Too many other battles to fight in the growing up of kids!! Good luck.
You've gotten a lot great responses below. I would not make him go.
I wouldn't make him go. My kids don't go to ever party they are invited to. I think it's kinda sweet they he doesn't want to go because his best friend is not invited.
I don't think I'd make my child go. He's given a pretty darn good reason why he doesn't want to go. And yes, it's perfectly fine for him to have different friends than his best friend. However, it might be that this boy is not nice to his best friend - that might be why he doesn't want to go. Just a note on the one that said to ask the teacher - if there were deep issues that she were aware of between the boys, you'd already know. Teachers are thrilled when kids can be mature enough to make their own decisions about friends and we don't have to play referee... He/she hasn't looked into it further if there aren't problems in the classroom - trust me, she doesn't have time! Don't get me wrong, teacher would be happy to talk to you about it - but my guess is that she has no idea why best friend and birthday boy aren't friends.
Don't make him go. You don't see how the kids interact together at school, on the playground every day. It sounds like this child be hurtfully excluding your son's friend. Maybe he is unkind to him, maybe he hurts his feelings by obviously ignoring him, or maybe he's been taunting him with the "you're not invited to my birthday party" kind of talk. That kind of thing happens ALL the time. Your son has every right not to like that kind of behavior. I had to steer my daughter away from one girl in kindergarten who had to posess her exclusive company and attention at all times, so forcefully she was unkind and scared her peers. Of course, it may be that the birthday boy just plays more with your son and knows him better than the best friend, and could not invite a big group. But I would trust his instincts on this and politely decline the party.
This is a tough question. I might try talking to his teacher, in private of course, to see if there's a deeper issue than that. I know he's only 5 so it may not be likely he's covering up deeper feelings, but you never know...maybe there's more to the story. Just mention to her/him that he's hesitant to go to this child's party and do they get along at school, etc. Maybe that can help you make your decision. Otherwise, I'm confilicted as to what i would do, but I would probably send my kid to the party, but honestly, I just don't know. That is a tough one!
