Big Brother in the Room During Brother's Birth.

I was invited to be in the delivery room when my friend had her baby. She also had her 11 year old son in the room with her. He was the oldest of soon to be 3 children. He was fine until the end when the contractions were close and she was in a lot of pain he had to leave the room. He was crying and freaking out, he didn't want to see his mom in pain. She thought he would be fine she had talked to him about the delivery and thought he was prepared.
I really don't know about a 2 year old. I had family bring my son in right after I delivered my daughter...he was 5. It may be a long boring time for a 2 1/2 year old expecially if it's a long delivery.
Good Luck!

We werent sure what we were going to do with our then twenty one month old when i went into labor with our second. He wasnt fully understanding that mommy was having another baby despite going to all of my doctors appts and seeing the ultrasound. We tried to explain it to him but he just liked that mommy was getting fatter. My sister who has been my birthing coach because my husband is a big baby was all for having him in the room with us while i gave birth to my second. But when I went into labor on my due date not prepared because I didnt realize i was in labor when i went to my last appt (which was on my dd) everything sort of changed. he went over to the hospital with us he checked me into my room and hung out until grandpa got there but then there was just too much going on he and grandpa took the evening to just hangout. They went and had a special dinner and what not and then were back in time to hang in the waiting area while they cleaned me up and then he came in and got to meet his new brother and bring me flowers and he loved it because he was the center of attention because everyone was holding their breathe to see how he would react to everything. I am Due with number three June 16th hopefully sooner. He is almost three and fully aware that mommy has a baby in her tummy..he goes to ALL of my appts just me and him. He likes to listen to my babies heart beat and the doc listens to his babies heart beat. I still think i am going to pass on having him in the room for this one. There is just way to much that is going on i think throwing a little one into the mix even at three would be too much for me. I would be more worried about him then what i needed to focus on. So my point is after boring you with this long winded story is every family has its thing. Whether he is in the room or not there will be a new addition to the family.so just make it about him when the new baby is born so that he knows he isnt being replaced!! Good lUck and Congrats!!

I thought about having my older daughter in the room for the birth of her younger sister. I was worried about all the pain she would see me in (natural childbirth I love it but its not pretty to see). I was also worried about being able to focus on me during birth, I was worried that if my daughter was there I would worry too much about her. In the end I asked my sister who was watching her to bring her to the hospital shortly after little sister was born. I am just not sure how young kids will handle all the intense emotions and scariness of a child birth.

I simply would NOT expose a child who is way too young to make his own choice about this (for most kids, this would extend at least to adolescence).

You never know what impressions will hit him in ways that will be unsettling and confusing to him. If he started freaking out over mommy in pain and bleeding and doctors in masks and a baby covered with vernix and blood and adults too preoccupied to help him with his feelings, it could turn into a very distressing situation all around. Too much to process, and possibly the source of nightmares or worse. And if there are complications, the emotionally difficulties would be compounded.

Be fair to your little guy, and to yourself. Have him come in after the baby is born, evaluated, and cleaned up. There are too many unknowns in an event as momentous as childbirth.

Congratulations on your upcoming arrival!

I personally would not have him in the delivery room. I had my second almost 2 years ago. At the time, my daughter was 3 1/2 and I too wanted her there because she was so excited for the arrival of her brother and was pretty involved! But at the end, we decided it would probably be too much. Instead, she stayed with my aunt and uncle for the night (he was born at 7pm) and first thing in the morning my girlfriend picked her up and brought her to the hospital. We made a big deal about it and let her hold him right away while she sat with me. She was totally OK with this and was telling us how much fun and all the things she did the night before!

It sounds like you might not want an additional family member in the delivery room, but if you do decide you want your son there I would strongly recommend you have someone there to help. You never know what might come up in the process of giving birth and you probably won't want your spouse to have to care for him when you need him as well.

For us, it was easy getting our daughter ready for his arrival because she was excited about it from the beginning. We let her pick out little things for him, like little onsies, stuffed animal and blankets. She felt like she was part of the planning and preparation as well. We also had her play a big part in naming him.

Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope that all goes well!!!

I say it depends on how well he handles doctors/hospitals/seeing mommy in pain. We were going to have our almost three year old with us but I ended up having to have a c-section. She's very nurturing and caring, and would have helped to keep me calm.

I'd just make sure there is someone there to take him home, out to eat, potty, take a break if he needs or wants it or gets overwhelmed. What a great way for him to learn about babies and what's about to change in his life!

We got our daughter a "big sister" t-shirt, babies r us has some cute ones, I found ours on ebay. She was really proud to wear it! I took her to dr's appointments, she got to hear the heartbeat, she had an ultrasound picture framed in her room and still does, and calls her sister "her baby". We got her a big sister necklace and a baby doll, which were given to her at the hospital "from the baby". The best book we found and she still loves was Mercer Mayer's "The New Baby". Explains what you can and can't do with a baby. Congratulations, two kids is crazy at times but fun!

B.,

My son was not quite 3 1/2 when my daughter was born. Like you we wanted him involved with as much as he could handle. He loved the doctor visits (he got to help find the heartbeat and measure Mommy). He did great with all of it, until the ultrasound. After that visit he had nightmares for several nights.

My daughter was a planned C-section, and he got to see her a couple of hours after she was born. I think that was the best for everyone involved.

My point? I don't think I'd bring him in until after the little one is born.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

As a nurse, step-mom and a nana, I would say maybe. It depends on the child but keep in mind it can be distressing for them to see mommy in pain. If you choose to have him there, you must have someone available for him. This could be a nana or poppa or a friend of yours but someone he is comfortable with. As a nurse I have had moms come with little ones in tow because they were sent over from the doctor's office and had no choice. So I ended up having to watch them or I had to find someone to watch them. I didn't mind but it did take away from some of the time I should have been spending with the mom. When our grandson was born we kept our 2 1/2 year old granddaughter with us and made a day of it. I know she could not have tolerated seeing mommy in labor nor in the actual birth process because she was upset and worried that mommy was hurting. Then, when he made his grand entrance we went to the hosptial to see him and welcome him into the family. Each family is different and you need to do what you think is best for your family. You should discuss this with your ob provider prior to your delivery. Even at home births some children are not in the room for the delivery or for much of the labor, so it is not just a hospital thing. Only you know what your son is like and how he deals with these type of things.
Make the big brother feel special even when the baby comes home. Let him help where he can but be sure to spend some time alone with him so that he does not feel like the baby has taken his place and all of your time.

Hi B.,

I had my 2 1/2 year old son in the room with me for the birht of my ds#2. Before the birth I tried to talk to him as much as possible about what was going to happen, where the baby was going to come from, etc... I also let him watch a couple of videos of babies being born from youtube. During the labor my MIL took him in and out of the room at his leading to keep him occupied and during the birht she held him. He did fine but did need a bit of time afterward to put together what he had seen. If I ask him now if he would like to see mommy have another baby he says, "YEAH!" It was a great experience.

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
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