Best Way to Drop off Children at Daycare

My clingy daughter didn’t handle the drop and run well at all. After a long time dealing with tears every morning, I actually started staying for a few minutes. Speaking with the teachers and the other children seemed to calm her down. She would relax and go off and play and I could leave her without guilt. It’s totally the opposite of the other responses, but it is what finally worked for us. My daughter barely notices when I leave now and she looks forward to going to daycare.

Yes, definitely drop, quick goodbye, and go if they start to act upset. It only gets worse if you linger. The first day you may want to stay a while to let them get comfortable if the caregiver is unknown to them. I'd recommend started them before you actually go back to work. That way you can check on them more and be able to respnd if there's any issues. You could take them in a little late and pick them up a little early the first few days too. Your oldest probably will remember going to daycare and if she was ok with it before will probably be fine. Find out what their schedule will be and what activities they'll be doing and talk to them about how much fun it'll be to play and make new friends. The baby won't get much out of this but she will understand mom's and sister's positive attitudes and that will help her. If you're confident that every thing will be fine and big sis is excited and happy to go, then little sis will be more at ease that everything is alright. She will probably still fuss but usually only a minute or two. Workers are use to this and know how to handle it.

Hi K., they will probably love going to daycare when the initial adjustment period ends. I have had three in preschools and have watched moms hang on to their crying kids or go in and play, only to prolong what could take one week into weekS. I know it's heartbreaking, but it's not doing either of you any favors to delay your child in getting adjusted and quickly. Some preschools have even included in their literature to 'quickly go', it's sticky to tell a parent to leave and it will get better. Make sure they see you say goodbye (so they don't feel 'abandoned'), and let the childcare givers do their job, they are totally prepared for this with these age groups. Kids are smart and if they see that it's working, they will really turn it on LOL!! Good luck.

I agree the drop and go method is the way to go. I have one very clingy child and he cries everytime I drop him off, but by the time I am to the car he has quit. Kiss them, let them know you will pick them up and go. Good Luck, it is hard!
J.

Hi K.,
As a teacher in daycare (and for many years) I feel that it is best to drop & go. Of course, you should let your child (oldest) know that you'll be back (or daddy). I've got a mother who knows hers will act up, but she doesn't stay. I just take him, calm him down and try to distract him. The daycare I work at lets the children come for half days, for a few days to a week, if the parent wants that just so everyone can get adjusted. If the daycare teachers are good then they should know how to help out with the drop offs. Just ask if they could come half days for a bit, I don't see why they couldn't! Hope that this has helped you....good luck!!

I have watched children in my home from ages 6 months to 3 years old, and with all of them it has worked best if you drop them of and go. Don't stick around and talk or drag it out. Be quick and don't make a big deal about it. You may want to have one day that you stay and play for a bit just so that they get comfortable and know that it is a fun and safe place, but after that....make it quick.

K., I agree with Rachel. Although it shouldn't be an issue with the 9 month old, your 4 yr-old has grown accustomed to having Mommy with her and this is going to be a big change for her. Take some time to visit the childcare center with her. Tell her you are going to playtime. Stay and let her get to know the teachers and some of the other kids there, maybe have lunch with them. If you can manage two or three days' visits you might want to start with an hour the first trip, 2 or 3 hours the next couple of trips and then, when she is comfortable in the environment, she will be more at ease being dropped off for the day. You might even try a test run and, one day while you are there with her, tell her, "I have to run down to get some gas in the car (or some other excuse that won't make her feel she is missing out on Mommy's excitement) then leave for 15 or 20 minutes or so. It will help give her the message that, when Mommy leaves, she will be back soon.

And remember, don't telegraph any uncertainties to her. She will pick up on your fears. Treat it like a great adventure and she will view it in a positive light as well. Then, when the time comes for you to drop the kids off for the whole day, you should be able to take the baby and the toddler to the door, tell the 4 y/o you have to run an errand and will be right back. Chances are the little miss will be happy to visit with her new friends and you may find yourself feeling a bit melancholy at how easily she let you go!

I do in-home childcare, and one of the parents came over a couple of times with her daughter (12 month old)before starting care, and spent about an hour with me each day just to familiarize her daughter to this new place and person. I felt it was a good idea as her daughter hadn't ever been cared for outside of her home, and didn't know me at all. She still was upset and crying when Mom dropped her off, but it only lasted a minute. Usually by the time Mom pulled out of the driveway, I would show her a thumbs up in the window to let her know the crying had already stopped. We recently had a relapse where the girl (now age 2) started really getting upset when being dropped off. We found that the longer Mom lingered and tried to console her, the worse it got. So, like everyone else recommended, you should keep your goodbyes brief, positive (your kids will sense if you're nervous), and never sneak out either. I always told Mom she could call to check on her little girl whenever she wanted. It's nice that your four year old can tell you what she thinks of the day care. Make sure you give her time to adjust, and as I said, stress the positive to her about all the great things she gets to do and friends she can make. Hope this helps!

Hi K.,

Looks like you have a very consistent pannel here. I worked when mine was 2-7 months and am now staying home (She's 10 months now). She was always fine, but now that she has hit the 'stranger anxiety' she definitely wants me only. I can tell I am making it worse each time I linger. Especially once I have moved out of site she is fine, it is just the second she has any glimpse of me, she wants me! ;) Trust in your child care provider that they are doing what you want. With me, I never really know if the grandparents are following my expectations, which makes me hang around.

Also, for your 4 year old. If you have time to go by and let her feel a little more comfortable definitely do so. Also, prep her by saying something like "Next week is when we are starting that new and fun daycare place. Remember we went there the other day. They had all the fun toys to play with and the nice lady. I will only leave you there for the daytime and will be back before dinner." Etc.

I think for a full day is fine for the first time too.

Blessings,
Amanda

when my daughter started daycare i was fooled because she left me no hug or kiss or good by she loves to be aroound others and she get along w/others very well although she is 10 years old now she still dose the same thing especially when she started kindergarden she just up and left i wanted to cry both times but i realize that ive done my part in making her feel surcure and loved . so that she knows that im coming back.......even as an infant she was realy good about seperation i had no problems w/ her it was me having the problems ( cause i belive that i done a good job on making her feel sucure)good luck w/ your childern hope it gose well for you