Okay. My mom rented out a BIG beach house for the family (9 of us are going), and we are leaving in a couple of weeks. Even with all of us there, there will be two extra rooms available, so my mom said to all of us that if we want to invite a friend over for a day or two then go ahead and invite them! I'm VERY appreciative of this!
I didn't think I'd take her up on the offer. The beach house is over 4 hours away than most of my husband and my friends... EXCEPT my best friend of 15 years. She lives about an hour away from where we will be staying... which also means that I hardly EVER see her... WELL, I had a great visit with her the other day and we were talking about possibly seeing each other again soon... and I said "WELL, we go on vacation in two weeks.... HEY you can come! Do you think you guys can come for a day or two. We have extra rooms??!!" The two of us were very excited..as was her sweet little girl and my kids and husband and her husband... I told my mom about it, and she is JUST THRILLED. My best friend and her family is litterally like family to us. Everyone likes my best friend and her whole family.... except my brother.
WELL, he doesn't like her RIGHT NOW. My brother is moody and stubborn and at some times I wonder if HE has gotten more close with her than I. sometimes they are close, sometimes not... ALL due to my brother. My best friend is so laid back and true, that she does not contribute to the back and forth. My brother can be VERY immature. a couple years ago my best friend was coming back from mexico (her family has a villa there), and my brother wanted her to bring something back for him... WELL< she wasn't able to, and he got upset at her. She said that it was silly to be so upset, and her saying that insulted him. He's been sulking ever since. Yes. BIG BABY.
Well, my brother finds out she is invited for a day, and he is PISSED at me. He angerly texted me a couple days ago and i am SHOCKED. Honestly, i didn't even think he was still mad after 2 years, and I wasn't even thinking about making him mad or anything like that when I invited her. He's SO mad... it didn't cross my mind that he didn't want her there. The vacation is only for a week, and I do NOT want negativity looming. I want to relax and enjoy myself.
My mom is now stressed, too- she doesn't want the burden of my brother's anger yet she doesn't want us ti un-invite my best friend. We all love her, and her husband is awesome and her little girl is just the coolest, cutest toddler...
I have not responded to his nasty texts because I'm shocked, and at a loss for words. He doesn't want to be there if she will be there... never mind there is a LOT to do at this big house including a hot tub, pool, billiards, foosball.... also, there's the neighborhood pool and tennis courts... did i mention it is at a BIG BEACH? LOTS of stuff to do to get out of people's hair... or to have them out of yours. This is overlooking the fact that he is being a totally immature brat.
Right?
Any solutions?
I wanna have a NICE vacation!!!
oh, a little background... I've been happily married for over 10 years and we have four girls... my brother is dating a new girlfriend (who may come, too... I've never met her, but my mom has and she said she is SUPER nice) right now. He's never been married. My best friend has been married for 2 years with one kid. My mom, and grandma will also be going. My grandma LOVES my best friend like a granddaughter. We have been to this beach twice, and never invited a friend to come with us even though my mom offers. We cannot afford our own vacation, my generous mom does and we are very grateful!
Thanks for your responses everyone!!! I think I'll leave this up to my mom, I guess. I don't know what we will do, but if it was up to ME, I'd just say "TOO BAD!!!" to my brother and NEVER give in to his fits. Ever. for those of you commenting on the "family trip" title... my mom offered our friends to come, so as far as I'm concerned, THAT eliminated the "family only" thing... besides, she really IS like family... as is her mom, dad and brother. We are all close and love each other. I'll let you know what happens if I remember to:) thanks again!
Jenna... saw your ETA... THAT is just the thing! This is not the only thing he's "thrown a fit" over. He does it frequently. I say, if we keep letting his fits get him what he wants, he will never stop being a bully. Sigh.
There IS more to the story. For one, my brother "hates" all my close friends. He's a real jerk to me when he talks about my friends. Using plenty of expletives and hatred when speaking of one in particular. This is based SOLELY on her personality. She has a strong female personality and is very social and outspoken (I TOTALLY love her!), and my brother doesn't like that. Ho he "hates" her. He's only met her a couple times, does not know her at all. SO IMMATURE!!! Another good friend of mine who I've known about 18 or so years and is the SWEETEST person ever... so flattering and so thoughtful... he "hates" her becasue she is "annoying".
Now, the best friend I'm talking about now... they DID date about 12 years ago for a very short time (he's tried to date ALL of my 'pretty" friends), and found out they'd make much better friends than boyfriend/ girlfriend. I said 2 years, but it was slightly off a bit... He's been "mad" at her closer to 2 1/2 years and she's been married for not quite 2 years and my brother was in a GREAT relationship at the time... which he screwed up for himself about a year ago because he was a jerk to her and she did not tolerate it.
MORE to the story is also.... what he wanted my friend to bring was a special pipe for smoking weed. Yep. He was also pissed additionally because he found out that OTHER people (including me) found out about his "want". he is embarrassed that I know he smokes weed... BTW, it TOTALLY IS NOT A BIG DEAL TO ME. he won't tell me a lot of things and keeps me away from knowing a lot about him because I'm his little sister and he doesn't want me to think bad of him????!!! I'm guessing. Everything "bad" he does, he keeps from me... and my mom. He only just told me 6 months ago that he has a daughter that he's never met who is... 15 years old now. I knew it ALL ALONG. THAT'S my brother, for ya.
Sounds to me like the two of them have a little history unknown to the rest of the family.
Tell him "suck it up, buttercup."
It's a big house with lots to do -- he can avoid her. Maybe it's good that his girlfriend see this side of him. If he can be this unreasonable, maybe she's to nice to be with him
Sounds to me that brother needs counseling on anger management.
Your brother needs to get over himself!
If he can't suck it up for a day or two, he's got bigger issues than your friend!
I would bring a tent along with you... IF he doesn't want to be there when she is there, then he can just camp out on the beach until she's done with her visit. :)
ETA... I wouldn't cave to your brother though, because that just sets the precedent that all he has to do to get his way is throw a fit. It seems like you have a 35 year old toddler on your hands... Maybe he will be able to hang out with your friend's daughter... I'm sure she would like to play with someone at her maturity level. :P
When you throw a fit you don't get what you want. Period.
That's a household rule of mine.
Meant to apply to toddlers, but I e found it works Incrediably well in adults in not perpetuating nonsense / power grabs / bullying/ etc. meaning in this case, if you give into his fit, just like with a toddler, he knows he cam get what he wants by being angry, mean, and rude to you. Wherein you MIGHT have considered altering plans if he'd spoken to you nicely about his concerns, by trying to threaten and bully you, there's no way on gods green earth.
Do NOT uninvite your friend. It would be more rude than what your brother is doing in his immature brattiness.
I would apologize to him for not realizing he had any issues with your friend, and that he would have liked a heads up before inviting her. Full stop. After that, let him know that she and her family are still coming. It will be up to him as to whether or not he'll attend the vacation.
This is not an either him or her situation. Don't give in to an ultimatum because it's unfair and immature. Encourage your mother about this.
My hinky alert is blaring loudly here, though. No one reacts the way he did/does because their sister's friend didn't bring them back a souvenir from vacation and then carries that grudge for two years. Are you certain that at some point the two of them didn't have a secret fling of some sort? He's so, so, so butthurt over that specific event that it screams that something is off.
I think it's time for your brother to put on his big boy panties and grow up. It sounds that based on your and your mother's reaction that he's been getting his way for a long time since everyone wants to tiptoe around him. If you want your friend there too bad for him, hopefully having her there they can work out there issues and he can grow a pair.
She has been married two years...he has been mad at her for two years and going strong. Coincidence? I would stay out of it. It is your brothers choice how he acts.
I have a 30 year old brother who , at times, can over react and be super emotional. However, if this were my situation, I would tell my 30 year old brother to grow up. Seriously. It's rude to uninvite someone, just to appease another person. He can either not go, or realize that he is the only one not having a good time and just suck it up. This whole thing sounds ridiculous, and immature.
How embarrassing for him. I would text him back and say, "sorry you feel like this and can't let your hard feelings go. She will be here this day to this day. Feel free to make other plans while she is here since its your option to not see her." Tell your mom and grandma that this is how you are handling it so they are on board. Good luck and have fun!
Please don't let your brother hold you hostage. If you give into his tantrums and nastiness all the time, he will find MORE to be in a snit about. Explain that to your mom too.
If he brings his girlfriend, maybe she will see what he is really like and will decide she doesn't want to live with this kind of guy. Or, maybe her being there will help him pay attention to HER instead of nursing his grudge.
Have you ever told your brother that he needs to have counseling to help him get over his odd behavior? It sounds like he really needs it. I feel sorry for his girlfriend, to be honest.
Dawn
It seems quite odd for a 35 year old to act like that. So, you want to see your friend - she can come - he can put his big boy pants on or find something else to do while she's there. You said there would be 9 of you right - can't he do something with one of the others so they don't have to cross paths?
I would keep the invation to your friend. I would tell your brother your sorry but he needs to grow up! ( in a nice way of course)
Hopefully once he see's all of the family having fun with your friend and her family there he will stop sulking and get over being mad and fun with everyone... if not, he will have to take his grumpiness down the beach somewhere.
Hi, M.:
There is more to this story than meets the eye.
Sit down with your brother in a private place and ask him these questions:
Tell him that you received these suggestions to bring healing to your relationship with your brother.
1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking of at the time?
3. What have you thouught about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?
After he shares, you tell him how you are affected by his behavior by responding to these questions and the issue at hand.
1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact this incident has had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. what do you think needs to happen to make things right?
One thing, I notice he is being labeled and excluded.
Hope this helps.
Good luck.
D.
No real solutions. Your brother should man up and deal with it for a day. He's supposedly an adult.
Ugh. Your brother sounds like a piece of work. Why does he get to dictate who your to invite? Also I have noticed when people are not married and have no kids their world revolves around themselves. I agree you 100%. I would continue to ignore the next from your brother. Maybe if gets married and has kids he will realize the world doesnt revolve around him.
He needs to not get his way. People don't put up with this behavior from friends, so he needs to be treated like an adult. Keep the invite for your friend. Let him know that he is welcome to come if he can act like a mature adult. And let your mom know she'll have support if he acts like a jerk. Good luck!
Mom is the hostess so it's her place to tell your brother to suck it up (and I think she should do just that). That said, I would text or call your brother back and CALMLY state that you didn't know he still had such strong, negative feelings after such a long time and that, while you're sorry that he is angry with her, everyone else really does love her and wants to see her. Point out just what you said in your post - it's a big house, big beach, big area with lots to do and that you would really appreciate it if he could just make nice for the time she is there. He is being a big baby but maybe if you approach it as him doing a favor for his sister and the family (i.e. stroke his ego) then he might feel like he's big man on campus and suck it up!
It's a family vacation, and if your brother isn't comfortable (for what ever reason), the NON family member should be excluded.
Yes, your brother has some major problems, but they are what they are and he is where he is in this life journey. What I would do is:
1- Apologize to brother saying you meant no harm - you had no idea he was still upset with your friend after all those years, and if he thinks you should have known, well you apologize for that as well. Let him know all is well - your friend won't be coming.
2. Uninvite your friend because of the family stress involved.
3. Hopefully you can somday soon have a get-together with your friend and her family without the involvement of stressful elements of your extended family (ie brother!)
Yes, it is a shame. Go have fun with your own family and just let this go. It isn't worth it.
P.S. I hope your brother is in therapy.
