Ok ladies, I am at my wits end. My son has just become so defiant and now he doesn't want to listen. If I ask him to do something that he doesn't want to do then he just looks at me with a blank stare. If I tell him to do something a little more firmly, he doesn't budge. I have to physically make him do something that I want him to do. I believe in corporal punishment, but I'm not in the habit of hitting my kids--I never really had to before. Now I find that I am always yelling and then smacking my son. I was taught to be very respectful and I think that this is a blatent display of disrespect--and he's almost five and knows better. I have talked to him about it, and he tells me that he is going to be better. When the time comes though--I get the same outcome. I am out of words and hair folicles. Help!!
Thank you for all the advice that you gave. I really like the idea of being consistent and I've even worked something out with the daycare that he goes to so that he gets the same results at home and school. I created a chart that list the steps, and since he just received all kinds of things for Christmas--he is more likely to listen.
J.
I have raised two boys and believe me they had there share of butt whippings, its the age they are just bull headed at that age, try ignoring him for awhile ,sometimes that would help they just want attention, i had mine 12 years apart so i had to do it twice ...good luck dear but i promise it will get better...S.
When my 4 year old acts in such ways there is normally something bothering him. It has nothing to do with what I'm saying, it's something completely different and once we fix that problem the whole problem is fixed. One day at school he peed his pants.....TWICE....it turns out there was a fire alarm in the hall beeping faintly and it was scarying him so much that he was refusing to walk past it. Fixed the scary noise, stopped having potty problems. Other times he says I scare him with my tone of voice and ask that I simply use the word please because we should all use the word please more often. And lately, since his dad left a month ago for basic training, he has said he misses his daddy so much that it distracts him from other things. So we take the time to sit and talk about his dad, what he might be doing at that moment, say a prayer for him and move on our way. I have found that giving him and encouraging him to talk out his emotions and problems have helped all of us to have a better day. I have also found that the only way he is willing to do this is to keep my voice in a low whisper, which studies show works better than yelling when it comes to listening. I still punish him, don't get me wrong, he doesn't get out of doing what I want him to do by whatever it is he says, but giving him a voice makes him more willing to do what I say when I say it. The best part...we have many meaningful conversations that help me see into his little world now! Just remember Monkey see Monkey do and they are our little Monkeys!
It sounds like he is trying to see how far he can push you before you get really mad at him. Kids are good at that sort of thing especially 4 year olds. I agree with the person who told you to take away whatever means the most to him. As Dr. Phil would say "What is his currancy?" I would do this in a regular tone of voice. Tell him you can either do what you are asked to do or you will lose ---. If he doesn't listen make sure he loses it. He will know if you do not mean it and if you don't follow through even once watch out because he will be all over it. So don't take away anything you are not willing to take away such as an outing you really want to do or tv time that you need to get dinner fixed or whatever. Spanking might work but I think this will work better for you.
Hi there J.. I'm not sure how old your son is but mine if 5 1/2 and my husband and I were at our wits end. He was backtalking, yelling back at us (so yelling doesn't work) it only influences him. So we talk quietly to him. CONSISTENCY is the most important thing we we are finally learning. It didn't help that our son was spoiled rotten. Before I had our daughter he was kind of like that and now worse. She is 20 months and they are like night and day. What I finally had to do since timeouts, taking toys away and standing in corner was not working...OUT CAME THE BAR OF SOAP and would you believe in the past two days, he has changed? AMAZING! We keep crossing our fingers....one thing to make sure you do is a lot of bonding! Let him know you love him even though sometimes he makes your heart sad. Try this and let me know. Again, not sure how old he is but if young, try it.
K. G
My pediatrician told me the fours are worse than the terrible twos. At four they know what they want, but lack the tools to use that knowledge for good and not evil. ;)
When my son went through the defiant stage, I tried everything to get him to be respectful and cooperative. Spanking did not do any good either. Then my mom told me how she worked through MY defiance. (She also laughed and said I was getting paid back but good, but that is another story) Anyway, she said you have to find what toys or activities or priviledges matter to your kid and use them to make an impact. For my son, if he was defiant, he lost his computer use for the day. If he lost his computer and still sassed me or ignored me, he didn't get to watch Spongebob. If that didn't stop it, he went to bed early. Usually he didn't go past the computer loss. But you only give one warning...say, "If you don't pick your toys up and I have to remind you again, you lose ________ AND you will have to pick up your toys."
Good luck, and be of good cheer....it passes. My son now is five and is just a thoughtful, respectful, sensitive kid.
i would do the same to him. when he wants something don't do it and tell him if you don't respect me enough to do what i need you to do i am not going to respect you to help you. and i am betting it is a phase it will pass if he is five. my son is deaf and he just closes his eyes so he cannot see me sign and oh my does it go right through me he is four and half. it is a constant fight and i have had to make him physically do things also .. down to picking up a book he threw. and he screamed all the way through it . and all i was doing was making him pick the book up.. good luck
Hello J.
I have a 6 year old boy and he does the same. I think its the age. He's been doing it for a while too. Me and my husband have been very firm with him. Taking priviliges away trying everything else you can think off, nothing seems to work. I think he's trying out how far he can go, I just hope he'll stop soon and see we won't give in so easy.
But you're not alone. I know about the yelling too. Been there done that, welcome to beeing a stressed out mom and most of all, beeing human. I used to think I was the worst mother in the world till I talked to some other moms that told me that they had simular experiences and it was normal. Just try to be patient, I know not easy, and give yourself a break too. It will change, someday. Just enjoy the good times when he does behave really well and praise him, maybe he'll see that this will get him good attention. I've been trying this with my son, not quite working yet. But I hope he'll catch on that good attention is better then bad one.
Hope this helps.
Take care
M.
That is a hard one. My daughter gets like that and she just turned 4. I finally started taking away the things she liked to do, like TV, toys, and whatever else I could think of. It did last awhile but she eventally got over it for the most part and she had to earn her things back. Good luck!
If you get any good advice let me know. I am in the exact same place with my 5 year old. He will listen to his dad but I am the one who is handling the day to day normal things. He use to be easy going and listen but now he thinks that I am the mean mommy and will not do anything for me without a fight or me nagging him 10 times.
Try excluding him. Put him in the corner when he doesn't listen and when you let him out set him down and talk to him face to face and tell him that you don't think the behavior is acceptable and that it hurts your feelings and that you are disappointed in him. The yelling or spanking doesn't work with my son either but the corner gives him time to think about how he is acting and talking to him seems to work.
Obviously corporal punishment is not a motivator. Perhaps go to the other end and offer rewards for good behavior. He could earn tokens or stickers for days he is a good listener. He could then cash those in for a much desired toy book, or video.
