Anyone Read "On Becoming Babywise?"

Updated on January 19, 2010
C.J. asks from Long Beach, CA
20 answers

I'd like to hear from some moms (dads too) who have read the book "Babywise." I'd love to hear what you have to say about it, if you've used the methods and if they have worked for you. I know there are many strong opinions about the book and the methods. Please feel free to share all...
Thanks!
C.

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So What Happened?

To all Moms who responded:
Thank you so much for your opinions and your input. I apologize to those of you who reposted from previous replies about the same subject. I wrote my request just before heading to bed and just didn't find the older posts. For those of you who PM'd me to say that I "should know about this book" because I am a maternity coach, I'd like to redirect you to my original request for info. It states that I was seeking the opinions of others. I have done some research online and heard from a few parents on my own off of this site, but chose to get more opinions from a broader range of individuals such as yourselves. As this book is controversial for so many, and I have formed my own opinion on the book, I can now share with my clients, friends and family members the vast range of other opinions.

As always, I appreciate all of you who took the time to share your insight. This has always been a wonderful, informed (and opinionated - smile) group of mommies!
C.

Featured Answers

H.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

There's no harm in reading it. You can disagree and do something else. I found his "eat wake sleep cycle" helpful in the beginning. However could not follow his cry it out methods so young for getting baby off the night time feedings. Yet here I am still waking for feedings with my two year old so perhaps I'll buck up and try it with number two baby! Its worth a read!

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B.S.

answers from Honolulu on

I read Babywise and it didn't sit well with me. However, I did like "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Good luck.

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello fellow moms who have come across this unfortunate book.

Please, please take the time to read this link regarding Babywise (http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm). At the hospital where I had my son, I received a flier warning parents about this book. According to the flier, the husband of the husband/wife author team, Gary Ezzo, "holds neither an associate nor a bachelor's degree from any college; his master of arts degree in Christian Ministry includes credit for life experience. (The wife) Anne Marie worked only briefly as an R.N. decades ago."

This book is a secularized repackaging of their religious based "teachings," which are not based on science. Their original church, as well as a subsequent church they were involved with, have publicly distanced themselves from the authors.

Here is a quote from the website: "The Ezzos sought refuge at a church pastored by a friend who was involved in their organization, but within a few years even this church had excommunicated them. Their accounting firm dropped them. Their adult children cut off contact with them. The publisher of Ezzo's secular books, Multnomah, returned publishing rights to him following an investigation of alleged medical misinformation and character problems. Leaving their estranged children and grandchildren in California, the Ezzos moved across country to South Carolina. Their secular and church-based lines of books are now self-published."

It appears that they tried to add credibility to their books by adding a third author with Dr. credentials, however, the secular version on which the doctor's name appears is virtually identical to the church-based version.

In short, the books are SELF published, the Ezzos have NO training in child development, psychology, breastfeeding OR pediatric medicine and the real experts in those fields have roundly criticized their methods. Their methods have not been shown by the medical or the professional psychology community to be safe and may also be dangerous for some vulnerable babies. The feeding information is just flat out wrong. And, really, how successful must their parenting have been if they have no relationship with their own children or grandchildren?!

Yes, there are good things in this book, but ALL of that good advice can be found in other reputable baby books. You do not have to make the false choice between Ezzo's method and "attachment parenting," or between extreme parental control and turning out a spoiled brat. I used Happiest Baby on the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits/Happy Child, and the Baby Whisperer's idea of routine.

The website (www.ezzo.info.com) is a virtual clearinghouse for information on this couple and their methods. Please take the time to explore it so that you can share the information with others. Google Ezzo and you will find a wealth of information about him, little of it good.

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E.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dear C. ,

If you are a maternity coach I am surprised you are not aware of condemnation this book has received from those in the medical field. Parents who follow it too closely risk the health of their infants and their relationship with their infants.
The main author (Ezzo) might be best described as a psychologically damaged individual who should not be giving out any advice on raising kids of any age...but unfortunately, he writes in a very sometimes rational and persuasive manner that hooks people to keep reading.
If you have any doubts about this author's emotional fitness..check out his employment/professional history. Plenty info on the web.
There are many other good resources for parents...Christian based or not. Seek out something better! Best to You.

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T.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

First off, the author of this book has come under some pretty serious fire:
http://www.nospank.net/ezzo4.htm
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/marchweb-only/3-...

Some of the "methods" described in this book have been associated with "failure to thrive."

Babies should be fed on demand. They are going on instinct and know how much they need to eat and when. I think it is important to respect them enough as human beings to honor that. They do eventually fall into sort of a "routine" and will sometimes eat more or less depending on what is going on developmentally. Feeding infants on a schedule is unhealthy and can be downright dangerous.

To me the "Babywise" way seems like a really selfish way to parent. Parenting is not easy, and sometimes we have to make some compromises. The most important thing is that babies feel safety, security and love, and I don't think that this book promotes that.

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

HI C.,
I have read all the Babywise books and they have some great information. What I find is practical about this series that many other programs do not take into consideration is the benefits of sleep for infants. The greatest amount of growth that occurs during a child's life is during sleep, and so sleep is vital. Thus they are advocates for healthy sleep habits, which also amazingly has great benefits for the sanity of otherwise sleep deprived parents.
Additionally, I have found that it promotes scheduling which is enormously beneficial to parents. It makes it easier for parents to identify their child's needs earlier on.
I have read a number of comments from people that they advocate ignoring your child's needs, but I did not read that in any of the books. What I read was that parents who have some sort of schedule are more apt to be in touch with their child's needs, and thus their child will be more content than those who don't.
I will say that many of my friends have used this program and all of them have incredibly healthy, well-adjusted children which speaks to the positive aspects of the program.
This is not an all or nothing program. As with anything, I found that you can pick elements of the program that work for you. Also, I will state that I have not just read this series but have read all the What to Expect Books, The Baby Whisperer, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, The Happiest Baby (and Toddler) on the Block, Potty Training in a Day, The Diaper Free Baby, etc. I have found elements in all of these books that will work for my husband and that will allow us to be "good parents". Only you can determine what will work for you. I sincerely hope this provides some balance in perspective.

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Great Book! Worked well for my two kids, and each of my sisters and their little ones. All of the children are great sleepers and great students. Please know that NO BOOK should override your common sense and "Mother's Intuition" and if you use this book as a guide for how to set up your kids day, you won't regret it. Each child/parent combo is special, and you need to know that going into it, but for my family, this book has been a God send! Good Luck.

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T.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I read the Babywise book before baby #2 and I wish I'd known about it before the first. It worked really well for me. I'd recommend it to you, as well as not being ultra strict to schedules (there will be times when you need to vary from the usual), like the author recommends. Try it and see if it works for you... you can always switch from a scheduled baby to a demand fed baby, but not the other way around. Good luck!

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E.N.

answers from San Diego on

I read the book (and several others in the series) and followed Babywise for both of my babies. I am so glad I did! I was clueless as a new mom (I knew it and it worried me) and I appreciated the help - and I don't know how I would have survived if the sleepless nights had continued as long as it does for many people. I recommend it to anyone who is expecting a baby, but I know it is not for everyone. A dear friend of mine (now a mom of 4) tried it with her 3rd, after knowing my babies. She saw a vast difference between her babies and mine, and wanted some of the same contentment and regulated sleeping. But she could not make it work for her. She is not a very routine-oriented person and she couldn't stick with it.
She is an awesome mom and has wonderful kids (they're just a little difficult and demanding as babies ;)

Another friend of mine recently had her 4th and decided this time around she had to follow Babywise. She couldn't go through the months and months of sleepless nights again as a mom of 4. So she has been following it and she loves it. She says this is, by far, her most content and happy baby. He goes to sleep so easily and he is sleeping well at night, longer than any of her other babies did at the same age. Routine works well for her.

My own babies were very content and happy babies. They slept well for naps and nightime. They are now 4-1/2 (almost 5) and 3-1/2 and they are great, healthy kids with good sleep habits. I'm glad I had such sound advice and we were able to give them good sleep habits as part of a healthy start in life.

It doesn't "work" for everyone, but it was a great fit for us.

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M.B.

answers from San Diego on

I read and adhered to the methods in Babywise, and it worked! With the doctor's blessing, we started leeting the baby sleep as long as she wanted through the night when she was 4 weeks old. Using the methods in Babywise, and with the use of a pacifer at night, she was sleeping through the night around 5 weeks old. She was a completely healthy baby, and is now 15 months old. We had a little regression falling asleep on her own around 6 months, but other than that, she has been a great sleeper. The big misconception about this book is that if the baby is hungry outside of the timeframe given by the book, you can't feed her. Not true! The book tells you, if the baby is hungry, feed her! She fell outside of the 2.5-3 hour window two or three times , but other than that, she fell right into the schedule. I recommend Babywise to all of my pregnant friends.

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V.C.

answers from San Diego on

I read & hated this book 13 years ago. This question has come up before, you can read the other posts in the back files. I think it should be burned, the guy who wrote it isn't even a pediatrian. When I read it, it seemed to be "preaching" a heavy right wing dogma that I certainly didn't agree with. There are more loving ways to raise a child, IMO. I much prefered Dr. Sears & the Love & Logic guy. Good Luck.

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M.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

The reccomendations in On Becoming Babywise are not in keeping with the guidelines of the AAP. These techniques are dangerous and are in direct oposition to what the science tells us. I would encourage you to have a heart-to-heart with your child's pediatrician and avoid these extreme and abusive techniques. If you are struggling with sleep, I reccomend The No Cry Sleep Solution instead. If you are looking for Christian parenting books, please consider this information instead: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/links/bf-links-religion.html

Here are some links with more info:

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm
http://www.ezzo.info/feeding.htm
http://www.nospank.net/granju2.htm
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/july8/12.20.html

There is lots more out there on why these "techniques" should be avoided at all cost. I would very strongly encourage you to research this. This series of books is designed to make you doubt yourself as a parent and ignore your instincts. I would run far, far away from this series and any associated classes.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

We had twins on opposite schedules and babywise saved our lives! Some of the advice I would take with a grain of salt, but it helped me regain some sleep and sanity with the two of them making me crazy. It's pretty controversial, but personally, I thought it was GREAT.
sg

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi C.,
Get ready - this book is pretty controversial and I'm sure you'll get lots of responses. Look back over previous posts - there are several well responded questions of other moms that asked the exact same question.
For me - I highly recommend this book - but I would read it and decide if it's right for you. We used it with my daughter (now 3 1/2) and to this day I am very thankful for it. She is such a great sleeper because of the techniques this book taught. Be careful of responders that have not read the book themselves and just have "theories" of what they think the book teaches. Read it for yourself and decide what will work for your family.
I am pregnant with our 2nd child now and fully intend on using it again.
Congratulation and Good Luck!!

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, I read Babywise.

When done, I put the book back on the shelf and never opened it again. Some time later when we were gathering some books up to donate, my hubby asked, Keep or donate? I said, donate and then said, NO!! Throw it away. I didn't want to be responsible for that book landing in the hands of an innocent new Mom (like I was when it was sent to me by a friend). Thank God I didn't buy in to it. I at the time read a few books and just decided that this wasn't for me. By the way, as a side note, the friend who sent me the book, although I know she loves her children very much - she is completely detached from them. She'll be the first to admit this too.
Best wishes,
M.

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C.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hello C.,

I did read the book. It is very controversial. However, if you actually read the book, you will find that the author does not ever say to put the scheduling above the needs or your baby and if the parents read that and take that into account it can be a very useful book. I used it with my twins and as soon as my Dr said I could let them sleep without waking to sleep we jumped to 7 continuous hours of sleep at about 9 weeks. By 12 weeks they were sleeping nearly 12 hours per night and napping during the day. This was EXTREMELY helpful to me. I ended up on a 2.5-3hour feeding schedule - never made it to the 4 hour schedule, it just didn't work for us.

At 10 months the girls were teething and I officially became a 'babywise dropout' I COULD NOT leave my daughter there to scream in pain. For the last 13 months I have struggled to get our sleep routine back and did resort to sleeping with the one that suffered the teething pain and couldn't sleep. However, at 23 months we have gone back to saying good night and walking out of the room. The girls went right back to it with only about 3 nights of protest. I really think the early sleep training paid off! They did learn how to sleep and put themselves to sleep and that is truly priceless.
My advice, read the book, take what works for you and advise others to do the same.
I will say that by the second book I did not like what I read regarding discipline and no longer subscribe to the authors techniques...

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C.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Worked for me, my son was breastfed and slept through the night at 4w. You have to take bits and pieces from any book, but I liked it.

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C.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm an atheist so I have no reason to follow this book because the authors are connected to any religious affiliation or not. I could care less. Does it make sense to me...YES. Did it work for me...LIKE A CHARM. My daughter was sleeping from 11pm-7am at 5 weeks and from 7pm-7am at 8 weeks. She eats like a champ and still sleeps 12 hours a night with a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. She's 2 1/2 now and the happiest little girl I know. I plan to use it again with our second baby due in May!

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M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

I read this book before my first daughter was born. I knew that I needed to return to work and I was really worried about getting enough sleep. It really takes a lot of discipline and support. My parents thought I was crazy when I said things like "sorry honey, I know you're hungry but you have to wait 15 minutes before I feed you" and waking up the baby to finish "the other side" was also one of those things that made people shake their heads. The point is, make sure that the baby eats a complete meal, and feed on a schedule. That will get them used to long stretches without eating and help them sleep through the night. It worked very well for both of my kids. I loved being able to plan my day without having to "whip it out" at the grocery store because the baby did not get a full tummy and now needed a "snack" while I was out. The first 2 weeks are the hardest, because you really need to keep them awake to eat and then hold them off when they are hungry, but they do get used to it. It is a good system for people who are planners, but not for the feint of heart who don't want to hear their babies cry!

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K.M.

answers from San Diego on

Hi C.! I read the book just after my daughter was born. It was recommended to me by several great mom's. I have no idea why people get so outraged by the book, but they really do as you can see by some of the posts sent to you. I took what made sense to me and felt right as a mom and ignored/didn't try what did not.

I also read the baby whisperer which I used (honestly it seemed like Baby wise, but written in a gentler voice and more clearly) and like others I read Happiest Baby on the block.

They were all helpful for a new mom. If I could only choose one, I'd stick with baby whisperer.
Good luck!!

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