Behvioral Isses with 4Yr Old Son

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Regards the difficulty getting out of role playing. My grandson has imaginary friends and his therapist suggested including the friends in our directions. For example , he step-father tells all of them, my grandson and his friends, that it's time for dinner when he's playing with them. So, when he's a fireman, tell him that the fire is out now and it's time to return to the firehouse for lunch.

My grandson also had difficulty focusing and following directions. He's been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and developmental delays. Sounds like your son is normal but may be having some difficulty as the result of ADHD or a trait a part of a sensory disorder or a developmental delay.

Your son sounds so very normal. However, his easy distractability and not being able to pay attention when asked to do so may indicate a special need. If f he were my son, I'd get an evaluation because he's having difficulty. One reason for getting an evaluation besides knowing if this needs attention is that a counselor will help you with ideas for helping him to focus if this is a special need.

The school district will provide the evaluation for free.

When you are trying to talk to him you are going to have to touch him. I would recommeend holding his hands. A book I read called Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax talks about this. Getting his attention by physical touch. In regards to putting him into group sports, I would not in the beginning. He needs private lessons. I had to stop group lessons with my son for the same reason. He did better one on one. The other issue to me seems following your directions. If you ask him to do something he needs to understand there is a consequence. Maybe a time out in a chair, on a step or on his bed with just lying still. To have anything work you have to be consistent and not give up. I am sure you already know this but at some point you may need to have him evaluated to see if something else is going on.

I had an awful year with my 4 year old boy! He turned 5 in March and it's made all the difference! Little boys can be tough to figure out and deal with! One suggestion -whenever you feel safe doing so -don't hang around for lessons and classes. My son was/is great if I'm not there, but a mess if I am! Some kids are like that! He sounds awesome and smart and creative and you'll probably see some great changes soon. We really like Love and Logic, How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and P.E.T as approaches with him. It gets better! He's once again a joy (most of the time), but 4 can be a hard year!

One thing we do is ask the super hero to do what needs to be done. Spiderman can you pick up B's clothes off the floor. Or remind him, part of being a firefighter means you have to learn to swim so you can rescue people in the water. I hope Fireman B can listen really well during class today. Then when he gets out of the pool, praise him. I saw that fireman B was listening when the instructer told him how to ... Anyway, you get the idea. I*t doesnt always work but it helps a lot in out house.

Some kids seem to do better with cues that there is going to be a change in what's happening. I know many preschools will play the Barney "clean up song" or sing it to get the kids to stop playing, clean up and switch gears.

Another idea is to give your son a countdown, like "Jack, 10 minutes until dinner, I'll set the timer and in 5 minutes you'll have to stop playing and clean up." (Pick up toys, wash hands before dinner, etc.)

A final is to differentiate "play time" where he can free play and times when he is expected to listen. My kids definitely do better when they know they can run and have fun, and then ask them to sit still and listen. For example, we play, play, play int he morning, and then would go to a swim lesson in the afternoon. The kids "ran some energy out" and then were calmer and better able to focus. Plus, before the lesson I would remind them, "You need to listen to your teacher and do a good job." Then I ask them (or Dad does at dinnertime) "what new thing did you learn today?"

Hopefully these ideas will help him to focus and make transitions better.

Best wishes!

Have you asked your pediatrician? If my son is ever doing something that it would appear not every other child is doing, then I ask the pedi. Our son was diagnosed with ADHD, but that doesn't sound like what your son is doing. I don't have any suggestions though since we have not experienced that specific behavior in regards to imagination. We did have "that" kid who would not focus in swim lessons and was constantly not doing what he was asked. The two things that helped was smaller class size and him maturing.

Ha! Have you taken my daughter and are trying to disguise her as a boy? My four year old is EXACTLY this way, right down to the swimming lessons! I was even contemplating pulling her from the lessons, but her instructor thinks spirited kids like her benefit more from swimming lessons so they can be safe around water. My sister is a Speech and Language Pathologist that has evaluated her many times, and the only label she sees is DIFFERENT. The only way we have found to deal with her is maintaining calm energy as much as we can (we have 1 year old twins). And asking her, rather than commanding her, to do things. I have even found that singing directions helps break the imagination spell, and allows her to make the transition more easily. She has her moments, but her behavior is improving with age.