And Yet Another Question...

He's so very young to be in therapy. May I ask what prompted that and why you are seeing a Freudian psychologist (talk therapy) with a young child (should be seeing a play therapist)?

Just a thought... if the therapy isn't working or changing the behavior that prompted the sessions then stop. See how he does in school. If there's an issue, talk with the teacher and the school psychologist and start counseling again. If there isn't, nothing lost.

It's hard to answer your question without knowing whether or not he's had any experience in an organized setting, like preschool, daycare or lessons/classes of any type?
Also you don't say why you started him in therapy in the first place?

I would think long and hard if you have three people telling you he is not ready for Kinder.

You could go ahead and enroll him and if you are getting calls everyday...and if he is not ready the calls will be everyday. Then be ready to pull him out and go to another year of pre-school or home school him.

If you don't like the therapist then find another...it might take three or four therapists before you find one that fits with your family and can really help you.

Sometimes for boys being six (or almost 6) seems to be the magic number for boys starting Kinder. Good luck!!

Did he have some kind of traumatic experience that led you to believe he needed therapy? If not, then I am not really sure why he is in therapy from what you've described. Just because a child is 5 and doesn't always listen well doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him - he's just 5! Kids that age are supposed to be active, and along with that comes not listening (sometimes), not always following directions the first time, not being able to sit still - that's just the age, and with consistent direction/correction, he will improve his behavior.

Send him to Kindergarten. He is the right age, and if he is reading already, then delaying his start in Kinder would be doing him a great disservice. Believe me, he won't be the first antsy boy the Kinder teacher has ever seen!

Try not to worry so much about whether he is happy. Children do not need to be ecstatic 24/7 in order to be generally happy. Sometimes in the course of providing loving discipline, we will make our children unhappy. That's just life, and they will get over it! Normal kids cry, pout, get mad, laugh, play - they go through the whole range of human emotions, and that is totally normal. Just let your little guy do his thing, he will be fine!

He's your son and you know him better than anyone else. If he is able to perform at the academic level that he needs to move up to kindergarten, then I would move him up. In my opinion, not many 5 year old boys have great manners and self control. I would concentrate more on developing social skills and stop the lessons on equations and other sedentary activities, especially video games or t.v. He sounds like he needs LOTS of exercise, a diet free of sugar and short periods of time out for "not listening" and other uncooperative behaviors. Remember that children will seek negative attention if they don't succeed in getting positive attention and he needs to learn that he cannot be indulged in being the center of attention all the time. I would consult with your pediatrician if his behaviors are extreme to get to the bottom of it. Get rid of the goofy counselor and stop "diagnosing" him as "depressed" or "anxious" at age 5! Stop expecting him to be "happy" all the time and let him learn to be "bored" sometimes (who doesn't get bored sometimes?!) If he complains about being bored, then give him a chore to do. He's a five year old boy who doesn't need to be labeled or made to feel different for the rest of his life.

i dont think you can love your kids too much!!!! I think you should trust your own instincts FIRST, let him go to school, i think he sounds fine!

Maybe you could talk to your local school about their specific Kindergarten program, how long is it, how academic is it? how do they deal with differences? You say he reads at a second grade level (can he talk about what he read?) writes and does equations. I dont know your child so I have no idea but I have met other children whose parents have encouraged their bright children to grow academically but do not push them in other areas. Because their children enjoy academics they forget about more age appropriate activities and the children appear very different (but I think the PreK teachers would have told you if this were true, did they seem open and forthcoming about his strengths and weaknesses?) Can he keep up with other children physically playing with a ball, climbing the slide, monkey bars etc (that will help him enjoy K) If you teach him a new board game does he take the time to learn the directions? If he is losing the game how does he handle it? I usually recommend listening to preschool teachers.

My warning sign is that the therapist doesn't answer your question about what she is doing and how that's supposed to help. Most child therapists involve the parents so that they can continue the "training" and appropriate behaviors at home so there is consistency.

As for anxiety, it is possible that he is picking up on your cues. Many little boys have listening and activity transitioning issues. Is it possible you're creating a more stressful situation around this? You say he's your only and that you may be guilty of spoiling. Maybe you're "hovering" too much and creating anxiety? Why do his teachers/principal say he's not ready to go to Kindergarten?

please listen to ther three people that are telloing you hes not raedy. they deal with children day in and day out. we all think our children are special and they are, to us. but as people on the outside they can see the bigger picture trust them hes not ready

I'd have someone other then the freudian people your going and get him checked out for ADD (ADHD - without the hyperness). And from your discription of him, I'm almost curious to know if he might have Aspergers'? I'd ask your local school if they could do an evaluation as a second opinion about whether or not to start him in kindergarten. If there really is anything wrong they could write up an IEP for him and you could still start him with the rest of his age group. And with an IEP he could still get the individualize attention if its really needed.

My older son is very much ADD and needs meds to help him focus.
When he was in the first grade (6yo) we started him on a very low dose of Ritalin because he was showing signs of depression. He was very bright - much like your son: reading a grade or two above grade lvl, advanced on math skills, ect. Not so good socally, but got along well espically since we made sure he was around other kids and his siblings everyday. The depression was more from understanding everything he was taught, but not being able to focus well enough to "regurgitate" the info back to us. We could see how intelligent he was, but only in glimpses. Once he was on the ritalin, he did soooo much better because he could focus and as a result was happier with himself so the depression went away.

He still shows signs of anxiety (now 10yo) from time to time, but only because he either "over thinks" a situation or just simply gets overwhelmed by stuff going on around him. He thrives in a fairly controlled routine, has to know of changes ahead of time. But is a complete "home body" and dislikes leaving the house too often.

Why is it that his teachers and principal do not recommend Kindergarten? That is the opinions I would look into more than the counselor especially if you are that unhappy with her. I have a son that is 7 who sounds alot like your son and is very intelligent as well, but because his distractability and active imagination he has struggled in school and I wish I had held him back another year before I started him in Kindergarten. He just started seing a counselor because I felt he was getting depressed. He loves the therapist and looks forward to the visits. He seems to do better for a few days afterward. He has been diagnosised ADHD but our therapist does not recommend medication. It may be that a therapist would be good for him but not the one you are with. I would recommend talking with the principal and teachers about why they don't think he is ready for Kindergarten but then the final decision will have to be made by you and you know your son best.

If you have doubts about the therapy stop it. But be prepared to find another therapist in the event you need to re-start. Since you haven't specified what problems led you to therapy in the first place I can offer no other advice in that regards.

If his preschool teachers and principal are recommending he not transition to Kindergarten I would ask if he can have at least a few weeks trial. If he cannot keep up, for whatever reason, take him out and homeschool him so he doesn't fall behind in learning. One of my grandsons was considered too immature for Kindergarten and went only about 10 days. My daughter and I homeschooled him that year, and he blossomed maturity wise. He went on to first grade and has done wonderfully ever since.

I don't think we can love our children too much, they deserve as much love as possible, but it is difficult to be objective with them and to see problems that others may see. For this reason I would rely on what others tell me, particularly the "experts," but question and demand answers as to why they believe what they do. The thing about therapy is that it's always there if and when you decide you need it.

Hugs<3

If the preschool and the therapist both don't recommend him moving onto kindergarten, I think you need to listen to them. The school and hopefully the therapist have worked with a lot of children...Do they tell you why they don't recommend kindergarten and what your options are if he doesn't go? It seems it's not because he is behind in school work.. It sounds like it may be behavioral- as in "He does need a lot of one to one coaching" and "has trouble with transitioning and 'having' to do things he may not want to 'have' to do" school is all about having to do what the school tells you and learning to transition from one task to another etc.

A few bits of advice:
- If counseling isn't helping, find a different counselor.
- Read the book Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World (the subtitle has to do with ADHD, but the book describes how a lot of right-brained and gifted kids are misdiagnosed.) My son is very visual-spacial... google that and see if it fits your son (they sound similar at your son's age- my son is now 14.)
-Realize you can teach at home if you think the kindergarten environment is too stressful (my son had similar issues and I'm FINALLY homeschooling this year- since the middle of 8th grade... I only regret I didn't do it before.) North Carolina has a wonderful homeschool policy with TONS of support groups (religious and secular) and you are obviously teaching him well if he is already advanced- http://www.ncdnpe.org/hhh103.aspx
-Realize that school (public or private) has it's limitations for out-of-the-norm kids. (My son is highly gifted and you would think that's a teacher's blessing, but you'd be wrong! How do you teach middle school curriculum to a kid that's tested on a graduate school level?!!! Same goes for kindergarten if they are "too" advanced.)

Check out the characteristics of gifted children:
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/giftedtraits.htm

Here are some other characteristics some gifted kids show:
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm

Good luck and just LOVE your son! School has a tendency to only focus on what is lacking. Remember to celebrate all his many gifts! :-)

He sounds like a 5 year old boy. I have one too :-)
In fact, he sounds lke a bright 5 year old boy! My son didn't like preschool and hates group activities..... He is awesome but just prefers to play at home or with one kid. He's also in the most annoying stage bonof not listening..... So some of your son's symptoms are probably just normal. My son loves learning too and really is probably a little bored. Maybe yours is too? I might just start him in school and see how he likes it. Is it too late to have him evaluated by the school system? He does sound pretty normal but if you do choose to keep him out another year it will only give him another year to mature. There is no perfect answer. Trust your gut.....sounds like you could stop the therapy and let him enjoy his summer!