Behavior Problems - Lake City, IA

Hi B.,
I have 5 kids ages 3 through 10. My 8 year old and my 10 year old have gone through the same thing your 8 year old is going through.

I have tried similar things as you, and have most definetely ruled out ignoring the situation. It only gets worse if it is ignored because they have gotten out of what they were asked to do. They see that they have won. I have learned that it must never be ignored, even if I am tired and don't feel like dealing with it. If I deal with it every time, their behavior gets better.

I have tried responding to their dirty looks and huffs with a calm response like "Well fine, if that is not enough for you to do then you can clean the bathroom also." That has helped a lot because they don't want to do any more than they already have to.

I also have to take privileges away, which is hard and takes a lot of work on my part(I am a bit of a softy on my kids), but it does work if it is done consistently. I make sure it is something they really like to do, like no video games for a week. Their behavior gets better real fast if I don't give in. On occations when I have not followed through, their desire to do what I have told them to do gets worse.

I do bring Dad into situations because they listen to him better than me. He is a great help and always tries to teach them that if they won't do as Mom has told them to do then they will have to face Dad, and he is not as soft as I am.

I recommend Dr. Dobson's video on Discipline from www.family.org. I think you'll find it a great help with many ideas to try.

My kids go through stages. They are really obedient for a while then they decide they need to test the limits for a while. I have learned the most important thing is to stay consistent and never ignore bad behavior.

I know it is frustrating, but try to enjoy the teaching stages too. One day they will be all grown up and on their own and we'll be looking back wondering where these days went. Good luck and blessings to you and your family!

He's testing you. My youngest did the same thing for a few months and let me tell you it's no fun. Be consistant with discipline and do not let him keep throwing things. Tell him that's no appropriate behavior and you won't put up with it.

Take away privaleges or give him time outs, something. He needs to know you won't put up with it anymore.

Good luck!!! Be consistant.

Hi B.!
LOL!! I think every mom God ever created has gone through this! Just wait til they hit the age 10...the know it all age. LOL! BUT! in the meantime, ignoring the behavior is like agreeing with it. What you do now, will set the stage for the teens years. If you haven't tried this, here's one for the books...Always address the BEHAVIOR of the child, not the child himself. ie: That attitude will not be tolerated. Now, get up and do as we ask. I have found that giving them no options or room for disagreement works very well. Also, don't tell them what will happen if they don't do as you've asked. When doing that, you are actually giving them a choice. That's not good. Instead, if he refuses to do as asked, simply dole out the consequences by ACTION, not words. Everytime you tell a child what the consequences are, they are then allowed to make a choice, anyway, in their mind. When dealing with this situation, choices are not good. Simply state what he is to do, then tell him his attitude will not be tolerated and TELL him, don't ask him, to do whatever. If he refuses, then ACT on it, no words. ie: walk in front of him and turn off the TV/video game. Then say, "After you've completed your chores, there will time for this." Then walk. Don't argue with him, that gives him the upper hand in his mind. You're the adult and he needs to remember that. Hope it helps!!

Just Me!
S.

P.S. ALWAYS REMAIN CALM when doing this. It's much more affective and shows you have control over the situation.

My FAVORITE way to punish my children is moving up their bedtime in half hour increments. I don't yell, I don't raise my voice, I just tell them if they give me any grief or don't do their chores they can go to bed early tonight. Just move it up half an hour each day they're naughty and then if they're good, move it back half an hour the next day....
Trust me- no one likes going to bed at 6:00pm when the rest of the family is up hanging out! Send them to their room, lights off, shut the door. No TV, no phone, no radio. Even if they have other things to do in there, they'll get bored after a while.

It sounds like your son needs an attitude check. This is something that I am not looking foreward to. If your son is disrespecting you and your family. Then he needs to be punished and be consistant. Take things away that he cares about. Make him understand that this behavior will not be tollerated in your home!

Have you tried having a clipboard or something that lists the chores he needs to get done each day, so that he can cross/check them off, then upon completion brings the list to you to sign after inpsection. A friend of mine actually broke it down to chores done b4 lunch, b4 dinner, b4 bed. and if they didn't meet that timeline, then they lost a privilege. sometimes the lost 3 things in one day, but it sure made and impact. she reminds them if their being slow at completing them, for the most part they get them done before the required time.

When we were young, my mom had to take the tv out of the house (locked in the car trunk).

I would not ignore it. i would just state simply that if he continues that attitude then this is the consequence and be specific (like with my 4 year old...if he won't pick up toys, then I tell him, then if I have to pick up the thomas train stuff, then he will not have them to play with.) Then I carry through, if I pick them up they go up high in my closet where he can't get them. Or if he has a special event, take it off the calendar. and he doesn't get to go.