Behavior, Bullying

Look at my post that I discussed bullying. That will tell you what I think about it... No matter what age.

I discipline my niece and nephew all the time when my SIL is around b/c she doesn't do anything. They listen to me more than her and respect me. If I know it was an accident, I would say, I know you didn't mean to hit her but you still have to say sorry. If you know the cousin meant to hit your daughter, say, We don't not hit, please say sorry.
Maybe the other Mom doesn't know how to discipline her child when it comes to hitting and seeing you do it may help her learn how. What comes natural to some parents isn't always natural to other parents.

Hi N.---I think it's especially important to correct young children immediately. I wouldn't punish, but I would definitely stop the inappropriate behavior and redirect the activity. At 5 1/2, you can simply ask the cousin whether or not he/she would liked to be hit like that.

Maybe approach the other mom some time and ask her if her child has said anything about your's bothering him/her. Then stress that you are approaching her in order to make sure there is a good relationship between the two kids. Don't make it sound like an accusation. Just point out what you observed and ask if she knows whether or not your child had anything to do with it. Then, if the mom seems oblivious or unwilling to do anything about it, I would watch the two of them like a hawk when they are together. I would guess that if she/he knows you are watching, the behavior will stop pretty quickly.

Dealing with clueless family is the worst. Good luck, D.

She is only 3. I would go to the other parent. Five year olds are stronger and know what they are doing. I would make sure the parent knows. If they do nothing speak up yourself nice and loud.

You are Aunt N.. Discipline the older child. If your sister doesn't like it then tell her to discipline the bully or you will continue. You have to protect your own child.

I think its hard to know what the proper way to deal with this situation is. Most parents won't agree with my method. I tell my son (if I'm not around) not to let anyone hit him and he must protect himself. But, first he should tell an adult.
I feel strongly about my son standing up for himself because when I was a child I was bullied at school. I would go to school almost sick to my stomach and afraid because I did not know if and when someone would approach me (this was a group of about 3 girls).
I know now that it was because I was shy and did not stick up for myself that I was targted. So, this is the reason wny I tell my sons not to let anyone see that you are afraid of them . Let them know you not going for it. And this is not saying that they should hit back and fight but just let the other person no that they are going to protect themselves if necessary.
I did not do this and that is why I was not left alone. And this happened at school and the teachers never did anything. Like most kids I did not tell my parents but suffered in silence.
Most parents of bullies are not going to discipline or correct their kids. That's why the kid is doing it ( not saying this is the case with your family) and if that's the issue a parent has very limited choices.

i agree, if this is a family member's child, talk to the family member about it, if the problem is still not solved, then punish the child yourself, if mom throws a fit about you punishing the other child let her know you'll continue until she takes action. if you have to make, them both play in front of you so you can see if it's not just harmless kids play or if it is in fact bullying.

First find out why it is happening. Then discipline them both older kids should be more tolerant of a 3yr bugging him/her and the 3 yr old can be told that she should be more respectful of his toys/stuff or whatever is problem. If you reprimand both kids then cousin's mom should be ok with it. Good Luck

when it comes to ylur daughter knowing right from wrong thats up to u to say honey hittings not nice and the other child was wrong to hit u. now when it comes to not seeing always try to get both sides of the story before a appology is put into place. because she could have provoced it than you can also parent by saying whats right n wrong. now if u see it happen u as a parent should step in and say hey hittings not nice n u need to say sorry. if it proceeds than u need to confront the parent. becareful with family they think there kids are angels n urs start stuff. also u need to keep in mind shes small shes 3 she needs mom to back her up to voice her needs.

Talk to the mother about the cousin hitting. If she is not going to say or do anything then you need to let her know that you will say something to the cousin so your daughter understands that is no ok. Going forward, teaching your child avoidance is the best way to get past the bullying and you are right, do not sit by and let things happen. She will learn how to deal with it by watching you. She needs to make it clear to who is hitting her that it is not ok and move on to someone else that doesn't do that.

Good luck.

P.S. When she starts school, they have programs from kindergarten on that teach kids about bullying and how to handle it. Your daughter will be fine I am sure. = )

No hitting should be allowed, period. If you see it happening, you are allowed, on the spot, to say "do not hit my child - we do not hit in our family". This pertains to family and non-family - regardless of whether or not the parent is present. Many times I have had to discipline other kids, right in front of their parents. It's amazing. I know this is touchy because it is your family, but it just amazes how some parents do nothing to discipline their children; I see it so often in stores and restaurants. Yesterday, at the Containter Store, 2 bratty kids around 2 and 4 were running around the store, each with one of those Curly bows from the wrapping paper isle; they were stretching the bows and stomping on them and trying to stick them on each other etc., while the Mom just "shopped". A store employee approached the mom and said "Are you purchasing those bows?" - to which the Mom laughed and replied "No, they are just playing" to which the employee replied "while you are buying them now, they are all stretched out and the tags are torn off". The mom was pissed! Not at the kids, but because she had to buy them! Unbelievable. I said to the store employee within earshot "Good for you! Can you believe that? Parents today are just horrendous." Anyway, good luck with your situation.

Sit down with the kid, the mom and your child and talk about what happened. Let her (mom) know that you don't like your child being hit and will not tolerate this. Be sure to get to the bottom of any bad behavior YOUR child does as well. No one deserves to be hit, but it is not fair to taunt or tease someone who is exasperated either.

Best wishes!

I think if you see it happen and the other mom is ignoring it, it is okay to speak up. I don't consider telling another child "we do not hit" as discipline. Maybe the other mom is not paying attention and that will be enough to get her involved. When you do not see it happen, the best thing to do is ask her what happened and how it made her feel. That way, you can find out if this is bullying or if it is just 3 year old behavior and go from there.

My son picked up a book at his last book fair: Chester Raccoon and the Big Bad Bully by Audrey Penn (he really likes it because there is a picture of the bully badger with fire coming out of his nose)

this is a tough situation. i struggle with this myself. my year old son is very shy. when he was 2-1/2, he had a few friends that hit other kids often. i told him it was wrong that they did that and encouraged him that there was nothing wrong with him when he got hit. i told him the kids were hitting him because there was something wrong within themselves. i encouraged him to tell them to stop and push them away if necessary. life isn't fair and people are going to run into others that bully when they are kids and then again when they are adults. i totally don't agree with the apologies, because if you force a kid to apologize, they don't mean it. you are then teaching them to say things to appease other people or vice versa you are teaching them that they need an apology to feel better about the situation. "i'm sorry" are just words and if they are not sincere then they mean nothing... at least in my eyes. questions to ask when they get hit or vice versa? try not to ask leading questions. ask the question, what happened? ask, do you know why they hit you? and talk to your kid about their feelings on the situation and what they could do to help themselves if it happens again. walk away. not play with the kid. ask them to stop. push them away. etc. you get the idea. good luck with this tough situation.