Hi there I have twins that are 3 1/ 2 my daughter is very very clingy to me!! She has never been in daycare and just recently started preschool 2 days a week!!! She constantly is having meltdowns for me which I know to a point is normal at this age although my son seems to barely have any which they are two totally diff people!! She will drag out some of the craziest things if her sock doesnt fit right if her pants are to tight and it can be a 45 min ordeal!! She can totally go to bathroom by herself but if Im busy she will freak out saying she cant do it by herslef and she needs me to help her if im busy i dont then she will get mad and say your naughty so my questions to these things is how to deal with this behavior???? Very very dramatic but when im not around shes an angel funny huh?? So lately when she has been acting like this i will ignore it and let her be till she gets over it~! I dont know if this is right shlould i put her in time out for these behaviors???? Please any help would be great! We were camping last weekend and she wld not go to bed and i went in there and said you need to got to bed and she was carrrying on and on and my sister went in there and said mommy is not coming in here and you need to get to bed she cried and screamed for 30 min and went to sleep it was hard to listen to but it is very wearing on me to!!! But she wanted to see if I was going to go and get her out of camper!!! Too smart but any advice wld be awesome i tght she was like this cuz im always with her but im always wht my son to and he doesnt act like thisalthough he will say your naughty if hes mad so time out or ignore i dont know i dont want to give them attention off of it but yet i dont want them to think its okay to talk like this either!!!uggghhhhhh so hard to be a parent sometimes how can i get her more independent!!! even for my husband she scream cuz she wants me to do stuff and he will tell me she wants you and i say no shell get over im not always gonna be there you need to do it!!! He had then for a weekend and she had a complete meltdown cuz her chicken patty got cut in half after she told him she wanted it cut but then it was a 45 min meltdown bout that!!! what should i do????????????? thanks
I can recommend a book - "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I just finished reading it myself and from what you have written and described, sounds like your daughter all the way! I hope it helps! Keep in mind too that even twins are still separate people with separate personalities!
Good luck to you! :)
sounds like its in the normal range. all kids are different, and your son being so NOT like that, probaly makes her seem MORE like that, kwim. if you only had her, you might not even think anything of it.
i do though think starting preschool now is a good thing. some kids take longer to get used to it.
that all being said, i think time out at 3 is fine, but i think it needs to be done the proper way(serious misbehaving only, warning first, minute for age, talk about it after- sorry, love you). in your case, i wouldnt give a time out for tantrums, but would if she is speaking to you in a disrespectful way during it. for tantrums though, i would ask her to go to her room until she calms down. i would just explain to her i cant understand her when she is talking like that and she is hurting my ears. at 3 1/2, my daughter was able to comprehend that. often, when she was calm, she didnt even mention the thing that first set her off. i dont like to make the time out offenses to be the same as tantrums so i try to separate behavious.
aside from all that, i totally agree with the other poster about choices. at first, she might not agree to it, but if you are consistent, she will look forward to hear the choices and pick.
My guess is that you are underestimating the change in routine for preschool. Even if it is a great preschool, even if your DD absolutely loves it, even if its for a short time - to HER it's a big adjustment. She may be stepping up and acting more mature (again for her) than usual, she may miss you and this is new to her... there are lots of reasons... the other kids may stress her because they act, well, like preschoolers ;) and she acts more mature than she'd want because she is in a public setting. With any or all of this, she will need to re-fill herself and little ones rely on mommy to do that. So that means that she will need more of you for awhile. It may mean that she needs more attention. It may mean that she will meltdown in front of you to replace when she didn't do it at school. And it probably means both in your case.
My son did all of this. It still happens when he switches grades at school. I agree with the "Spirited Child" recommendation. The book is very insightful and also helps me relax because lots of kids are like this and it has nothing to do with the parenting.
My son is awesome, but he has strong feelings. He feels things deeply. Everything. So his highs are high and his lows are low. I keep reminding myself that TO HIM it feels that much. The book has lots of tips and ideas on how to react and teach him in these situations.
Good luck & feel free to write me if you need an ear.
She sounds exactly like my daughter!!! I blamed it on the fact I had to go to work when she was two and with her all day. But I think it's just personality, my sons were never like that so as you can see with your two it's not parenting style it's the child's personality. Try giving her lots of choices so she feels more in control Only two choices at a time (even if you know what the answer will be let her make a choice) Who should tuck you in bed, Mommy or daddy? brush your teeth with the pink toothbrush or yellow? use the upstairs bathroom or downstairs? but the best thing I can tell you - I read in a book that kids who were so picky and pains in the neck over things like a tag on their shirt, a sandwich cut the wrong way, etc grow up to be picky about their grades and their expectations of their life. My daughter is 19 now and still very much a drama queen, but she never has to be told to study because she doesn't accept low grades, and she cannot be talked into using drugs because she 's so strong willed. My easy going laid back son was the easiest child but now is TOO laid back for a young adult!
You have just described my daughter. Seriously. We have tantrums over everything, including the chicken patty like situation! It is really hard, and i think it probably has something to do with being with her a lot, but not in a bad way. I think she's just a momma's girl and it's hard on you. What we've started doing is basically giving our daughter choices about everything...do you want your chicken patty cut in two or four pieces? Do you want it on a bun or the bun on the side? Would you like to put the mustard on or do you want me to do it...blah blah blah! It can get tiring, but it does cut down on the drama, plus it makes her think she's in control, but she's not! ;) Also, if a meltdown happesn over anything (mine is the same with daddy helping her...drama!!) then we give her a chance to be okay with it, a warning type, and then if she's not she goes to time out. Whoever puts her there checks on her in 3 minutes and if she can talk about what she did and what she should of done then she has to apologize, give hug and kiss and come back. This really works for us. The only problem is that sometimes time out can last 30 minutes. Not so fun. But, sometimes it only lasts 3, you just never quite know. I think mostly it's an age issue combined with a personality issue. I think they just love their mommys and are used to being with us and are very particular...that probably won't ever go away, but as parents, our jobs are to teach our children to cope, despite their personality! ;) Hang in there. I too am hoping that it will eventually dissapate, and I've heard from many friends that 2.5 to 3.5 is the hardest year...it's supposed to get better by 4...let's keep our fingers crossed!
